Fall in Beverly

Where there used to be cars in the Yacht Club parking lot, now there are boats, pulled from the water for the winter, resting on supports. We took out the screens and put them in the attic. The water today, however, feels good on my toes, since it is 78 degrees! It was much colder the last few weeks.

sisters' weekend in Gloucester...lots of good food

new chair seats

Molli's office building

Adventures in Beverly

Our new home

I kind of don't know where to start. So much has happened in my life in the last 9 months! Last Wednesday, we closed on this house in Beverly, Massachusetts. I went to work Thursday and Friday, while making lots of arrangements by phone and packing things in the apartment after work. Good thing I only work 30 hours a week!

Friday afternoon, my father arrived from Athens. There is an apartment for him in this wonderful house. Molli's husband, Adrian, and his sister, Tamara, also arrived about the same time, from Mexico.

moving out of the apartment in Cambridge

Molli went to pick them up at the airport while I finalized some dinner preparations and continued packing. I went to bed early, but only managed about 4 hours sleep. I am hoping soon I will be able to sleep again.

Yesterday morning, I continued packing things up. Molli and Adrian picked up the U-Haul. Tamara and my Dad helped me, sealing packages, for instance. In a few hours, we had everything on the truck and had a lunch break. By 3, we were in Beverly. The house is still amazing, but where will we put everything?

Molli and Adrian did most of the heavy lifting

They carried things in and I told them where they went. Tamara offered to hook up the internet when I started looking at the directions. "I'm kind of good at this," she said. I humored her. "Let's go," said Molli. They had to drive back to Cambridge and return the truck. They were leaving early this morning to fly to Georgia and drive my Dad's car up, by way of a brief visit to Washington, D.C.

They left, offering to take me back with them, where I could sleep on the couch. "No, thanks," I said, "I don't mind staying here alone."

The temperature in Beverly was a little cooler than Cambridge, and quite a bit cooler than Georgia. It was still over 80 though. I had an old window air conditioner (thank you, cousin Dinda) that I hooked up in the bedroom. It seemed to work pretty well. I spent time going to all the windows and seeing which ones had screens and could be opened. I closed the ones in my bedroom and on the sunny sides, but opened some of the others. There was a nice sea breeze for sure, but I was pretty sweaty.

First, I checked the internet. Amazingly, it worked! Without looking at the directions, in about 10 minutes, Tamara had opened the modem, router, etc., plugged them in, and gotten them working. Amazing! I haven't tried the TV yet...

Then, I decided I should think about eating something. There are restaurants and convenience stores nearby, but I was exhausted (even though I didn't do most of the work). The stairs are one of the great features of the house, but after going up and down them 20 times or so, they hold less appeal. The idea of walking anywhere, even 2 blocks, was overwhelming. Besides, I wanted to savor my time in my new home.

Looking through the box of canned goods, I decided to have some tuna with the last of a box of wheat thins. Then, I had to find the can opener. (Somewhere, I have a list of the things I was supposed to pack separately, in an "open me first" box...that didn't happen!). No mayo, the tuna was a little dry. I opened a can of stewed tomatoes to provide a vegetable. I sure wished I had some ice cream!! Again, not willing to walk even a step...new idea for a business: ice cream delivery service?

Next, making the bed...although it occurred to me, I could probably just lie down on the mattress in my clothes and be asleep in minutes. I probably wouldn't even be the first person to do that in this situation.

As the sun went down, so did the temperature. When it got to 72 or so, I turned off the AC and opened all the windows. I wish I could tell you it was amazingly comfortable, but it was very humid. It rained in the night. I was sweaty and wanted to take a bath in my "new" tub. Should I do a load of laundry and wash the dirty sheets to make up the bed? or sleep on them dirty? Fortunately, I found a box of clean sheets, so could make up the bed and take a bath and sleep in clean sheets. View of the harbor from my bed!! I talked to Ray and Amelia and eventually went to sleep, waking several times and seeing the lights in the harbor. Once I even prowled the house, picking up the last few crackers and eating them before going back to sleep. Eventually, though, I got more than 7 hours of sleep, the most I've had in a couple weeks!

I couldn't magic up anything for breakfast, except canned beans, but no more crackers. I decided to go out to breakfast and found a place very close by that was supposed to open at 6. I managed to find clothes and shoes to wear, and even a raincoat. Unfortunately, the Anchor was not open, although there seemed to be preparation going on inside. I could not find any posted hours, but I suspect they open later than 6 on Sundays...

I walked to the closest convenience store, Tedeschi's, and bought a yogurt and a loaf of bread, as well as potato chips and cookies for later today. I couldn't find a pot to boil water near the top of any boxes, but found tea bags and a cup. My Dad's apartment (upstairs) has a built-in microwave, so I heated my water there.

Next? Take the commuter train to Boston and the T to Cambridge, arriving in about 90 minutes. Finish packing and cleaning my apartment (with Tamara's paid assistance) and load the things in Molli's car. Drive back to Beverly with my Dad and Tamara. The movers should be here this afternoon, with everything we need. I'd like to hear from them this morning, because if my Dad's bed cannot be set up by tonight, they should stay in Cambridge.

Leaving here about 9 to walk half a mile to the train.

Keeping score

sign of spring: hostas?

I've walked 5 1/2 miles so far today. That's one way I keep score. Yay for me! In my head, there are pluses and minuses. I bet everyone keeps score, but I wonder what it will look like if I write it down. I have a FitBit (gift from my spouse) to keep track of how much I walk, but there are lots of other things I keep in my head.

Today is Mother's Day. I have two children and they both remembered me today. They seem genuinely fond of me and glad to have me for their Mom, so that goes in the plus column for sure.

I walked today for Peace. It was somewhat hard for me, not a natural athlete, but nothing that will scar me for life. Many of the people walking had lost someone to violence. I know people who have been killed needlessly, but they were not close family members. My mother is gone now and I miss her, but she died peacefully at age 83. How would I feel if someone had killed her, in a grocery store parking lot, for money, when I was young? It's hard to imagine. One young man was killed on his way to a meeting about reducing violence. It's hard to believe in God after that, depending on your idea of God.

I did not go to church today and did not sing in choir. So that is a minus, although I don't know if walking for peace cancels that out.

Things I am planning to do probably don't count. I am starting to make a couple loaves of bread...a yummy treat, but also a good thing. Not using commercial products, right?

How about things I didn't do (yet)? If I was going to clean my apartment this weekend (not a huge task), but didn't, is that a minus? Or a potential plus?

I think of myself as a good person, but I know there are "better" and "worse" people. I'm not sure you can even compare. There are lots of "worse" people environmentally speaking, but some of them are busy with several jobs and children, not believing they have time. Does that make them worse than me? Some things are easier for me than other people. For instance, I like to bake, so making bread is not really hard. Should that count the same for me as for someone to whom it is a challenge?

Molli and I bought local (expensive) produce, cheese, and fish at the Public Market in Boston. Does that make me a good person? I would add another plus, and I think it is tastier and better for me. But I could buy the cheapest, live more cheaply, and give the difference to people who have less than me.

My husband (bless his heart, as they say in the South) is busily clearing the rest of our possessions, accumulated over almost 40 years of marriage, from our beloved home in Georgia. He is pretty much down to the trash, several truckloads. Unfortunately, the dump is not open today, Sunday. Fortunately, several of our many dear friends are helping him right now. Everything left in the basement (I think that's the only place) will be moved to the garage. I have felt awful that I am not there helping, although I did some last weekend. Thanks to the magic of the internet, I found and called a service called Junk South, which will be there with a big truck tomorrow morning. They will load it all on and take it away...for a small fee, which is well worth it! So, I helped. Another plus? A couple other women will be trying to put away our things in his kitchen and bathroom, so that he will finally be able to sleep in his new home tonight...or tomorrow. He is in a tizzy, not able to find anything and not knowing where it will all go. We got rid of tons of things and another friend is keeping a lot in her basement, but there is still more than he can fit in his little 2 bedroom rental. I am sure he will be months digging out. We paid movers and cleaners and still there is more to do. Take heed, all of you, and start now to downsize, simplify and get rid of what you don't need.

 

What next?

Second day of not working...I am not enjoying it much. Sent off 8 emails yesterday in response to jobs I might like. Sent a couple this morning. I got a call from a placement agency in Boston and will go talk to them this afternoon. The jobs I like most are on Idealist.com. Some are really intriguing, but I won't be applying...Executive Director of Our Bodies, Ourselves? awesome, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to work that hard...just more than I am now.

OLE cut my hours; not surprising, they have no money, as I would know, being Bookkeeper. I thought I would be substitute teaching in Somerville, but they didn't call me yesterday or today. This could be a good chance to find something else...but sitting at the computer for most of every day is really hard on me. I did get a walk in yesterday, and made dinner, and played Spider. I also filled my apartment with smoke by walking while the pork roast was in the oven. I came back to a beeping smoke alarm and opened the door and windows and ran the fans. I have put off cleaning the pan. The meat was overdone, but edible.

Massachusetts Council on Compulsive Gambling
Mothers Out Front
CYCLE Kids
The Democracy Center
Abraham Path Initiative

Places that are hiring, plus MIT, Harvard and much more.

Sunday afternoon

I slept well and woke up a little late...light was coming in around the shades. I tidied up a bit as I was waking up, since I had gone straight to bed last night when I got back from Molli's. Tamara spent most of the afternoon and evening with the Rainbow Girls and Molli and I had dinner together and lazed around a bit. I had a bite of the oreo cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory that they had brought home Friday, and it was delicious.

Molli is celebrating somewhat, since she has finished her last classes and exams. Starting tomorrow, she will be working at Chin & Curtis for her last internship...and getting paid about enough to cover her costs...so not going any further into debt. She's pretty pleased, and so am I.

I spent a little time on the computer and made my regular Sunday morning breakfast, whole wheat pancakes with blueberries. Then I got ready to sing with First Parish UU Church...the building dates from 1833, but the congregation is almost 200 years older than that. It's nice to just sit and look at, especially on a sunny morning, so I went about 15 minutes early. It's my chance to start getting to know some new people, a little bit strange for someone my age, but very fun and good for me. I also never know when someone will connect me to the perfect job.

Afterwards, I walked home to Molli's. They had come and gotten the rest of the pancake batter and eaten it up. Getting to a 10:30 service is uncommon for them, and a little stressful. I ate some leftover ground beef in a tortilla with lettuce and avocado and salsa, a satisfactory lunch. They headed out to the symphony, thanks to some free tickets they had been given. I went back to my place and started a batch of bread. The sun was coming in the windows and the apartment was calm and pleasant.

I like the quiet of being alone, as long as it's punctuated by contact with other people. I can hear the cars go by, and sometimes sirens, but no recognizable speech. I have a big old TV, but no cable or satellite service. I watch DVDs. Recently, I had Jane Fonda's companionship for a while. I listened to her yoga video, sometimes just as a soothing background, although usually I did the exercises. Sometimes I watch old movies, Humphrey Bogart rescuing Lauren Bacall and then letting her walk away...or Bette Davis falling in love with the boss's son. Nothing too serious or intense.

I read lots of books, mostly after 9 at night. Sometimes I fall right asleep and sometimes I'm engrossed for hours. I generally wake up by 5:30 either way.

I know I am loved and have lots of conversations with my husband. I talk to friends and other relatives, too, on the phone or computer.

I know I am being useful and try to enjoy my time here for what it is, maybe a little space to be me on my own.

Monday was a snow day. I was a little down...hadn't been back to work since I went home for a few days the week before. There was an awesome-sounding job posted and I had applied for it and got a quick response: the job has been filled. I was very disappointed. Applied for another one, but it doesn't sound quite as great. Haven't heard anything yet. My current job is sort of unstable...I have gotten mixed messages about how many hours they want me to work. It seems like I can probably get something better in this area, and I'm excited about it. I'm in limbo on so many fronts. I would love to have a good steady job/income and turn my attention to other things.

Tamara was scheduled for her green card interview. Even though all the schools were closed, Molli thought she would have heard if it had been cancelled. They dressed carefully and headed over there nice and early, only to find that all government offices were also closed. That was a bummer...no idea how long it will be before she can get another one.

I asked my boss/coworker if there was a snow day policy...but didn't hear back right away. Maybe he was asleep. I was at the bus stop, having just missed my bus, when I heard back from him. No policy that he knows of, but he wasn't going in and didn't see any reason I should.

Another Saturday morning, with very little on my plate. I am staying in Molli's apartment while she is away, competing in the mock trial Regionals in Connecticut. Her ward and sister-in-law, Tamara, is 16 and moved to this country from Mexico less than a year ago. I will cook for her and myself and we will keep each other company this weekend. The challenge is that she is recovering from a kidney infection, with the help of antibiotics, and eating very little other than saltine crackers. A week ago, she vomited all weekend, something she had never previously experienced. She has been to the emergency room twice and still has some lower back pain.

She and I get along quite well: she reserves her teenage behavior for Molli, who stands in for her mother now. We enjoy watching Jane the Virgin, which is a very fun TV series, a little like a parody of a "telenovela" or soap opera. It is funny and touching, with close family relationships and a heroine who is saving herself for marriage to her wonderful boyfriend. Her grandmother speaks only Spanish (with subtitles), so you could say it is educational!

Although it snowed yesterday, it is not very cold out and is starting to melt. One of the advantages of apartments, usually, is they are warmer and easier to heat than freestanding houses. This one is particularly comfortable, because the heat is included in the rent and so it can be turned up freely. It's more likely to be too warm for me than too cold. My apartment, on the other hand, does not include the cost of electricity in the rent. I got my first bill, for $180, for less than a month! This is for two rooms...and I keep it turned down most of the time. I was really shocked. I have now turned it off, at least while I'm staying here. I can function just fine with sweaters and blankets. I hope the heating season will not be too much longer!

I am comfortable in Molli's apartment, having spent many weeks here this fall, cooking for them and making myself at home. I still prefer my own place. It has everything I want in it and nothing I don't...pretty much. Although no one could call me a neat freak, I am trying to only have the things I need, and everything in its place, a la Marie Kondo, sort of. I do like her way of folding clothes and lining them up in my drawers so I can see what my options are, and I love her philosophy of cherishing things and being grateful for them.

The other thing that is not perfect about Molli's place is the presence of her husband's absence. It pains me to be reminded of him and how is not here for her or Tamara. I miss him from my life too, or at least my fantasy of what my life might have been like.

Other things that make this day more stressful than it should be: the absence of my husband and the fact that our house is not yet ready to be sold. If the house should sell for a good price, we would be very happy and able to move ahead with our plans for the next phase of our lives. Sigh. I am here and I should be there...maybe. When I am there, I am quite productive in working on throwing things away...but there is so much and the work is so slow!

Okay, the biggest thing bothering me: my job. When I was offered this great job with this great international nonprofit, I was thrilled. "See," I said, "it is easier here. I am appreciated in this area and can get work easily!" Not so fast. The man who offered me the job is now saying I am working too many hours...the grants have not come through as he had hoped and he cannot afford me. I do the books, so I know that is true, sort of. I also know what other things he spends money on, and my salary is a pretty small part of it. Nonetheless, he has the right...I am just not sure if I misunderstood him, he has changed his mind, or his memory is perhaps at fault, or I have not worked out as he hoped.

I will be okay, I will find other work, I will muddle along. But I would not have signed a one-year lease on an apartment without being sure I could cover the rent. I almost did last month, but the flights back and forth, the cost of commuting to work, and now the electric bill, are being subsidized by Ray's generosity. This month looks even worse...at the moment. It is possible I could get an awesome new job that would more than cover my expenses. I have applied for several.

But for today, do the laundry, go to the market, cook food...and be glad you can!

The hissing tires on the snowy street outside
and the noises of the warming radiator
ought, combined, to calm me and content me.

Instead I wish for happy company
and some obliging soul to wait on me,
yet will not leave my home and seek them out.

My task for the day accomplished:
I rode the city's buses through the storm
taking the child to her appointment

in an old but beautifully renewed building
staffed by friendly lively people
in a distant part of town.

There was once a pharmacy nearby,
perhaps a hundred years ago or so,
that was owned by my mother's grandfather.

She went to visit him from time to time;
and talked about the treat of ice cream there.
I looked out the window for it in the snow.

The child is asleep now, the work is done.
And yet I feel I must do something.
It is time to take up my knitting.

Ah! Saturday morning

It's great to wake up and be able to do anything you want...or is it? What do I want to do? Well, I will wash my hair and do laundry and go to the Farmers' Market...and do all the things I usually do: play Spider, read emails, watch "TV"...

So, I eat my breakfast and take a shower and wash my hair. I sort the laundry and do some dishes. I am heading down to the laundry room with my detergent and my quarters (and a heavy basket of clothes). As I wait for the elevator, I am surprised. It seems that someone else is using it. In 3 weeks of living here, I have only seen 2 people briefly.

The doors open and a tall young woman is standing there. As I start to get in, she says, "I just put laundry in both washers...so, wait about 30 minutes..." I say thanks and carry my stuff back to my apartment. No big deal, no urgency. I do some more dishes and chat with Amelia for a bit.

As I am thinking about going down again, a horrible loud noise sounds. I check to make sure it's not anywhere in the apartment. I open the door and stick my head out...no obvious source of danger. I look out my window...nothing.

I head out with my laundry and take the elevator to the ground floor. As the doors open, the noise is much louder and there is smoke. I set down my soap and laundry and join the three other women standing outside, where it is really cold. Apparently something happened to the washing machine...no flames, but lots of nasty smoke. A man is rushing around, opening windows and doors, and Nicole (the tall woman whose laundry is currently getting smoked) calls the landlord. Hmm...I guess I am not doing my laundry right now, or probably today. I will have to go to the laundromat (not too fun on foot in the cold and potential snow), put the dirty sheets back on the bed, or buy new ones!

Time to play Spider...and wait for Molli to go to the Farmers' Market with me. Maybe she has extra sheets!

Cold

I was warned. People said I was crazy to want to live where it was cold. Ray and I said we can take the cold, it's the heat we can't stand! They said I wasn't used to it any more, I wouldn't be able to adjust. I said I didn't mind the snow.

And really, at first, I didn't mind. It was cold, but I was dressed for it. It was invigorating. The flurries were beautiful. But now, I am too cold all the time. The last few days, it was rarely above freezing outside and the wind was around 20 mph or more! My fingers were cold inside my warm gloves, the wind found my neck between my scarf and my collar...my nose is cold, the tips of my ears are cold. My toes are cold inside my heavy shoes.

My skin is dry and I rub vast amounts of cream on myself every night and morning. My neck and shoulders hurt from hunching against the cold. The walking that I was excited about is misery. I can't wait to get out of the cold and hate having to walk half a mile to get to the train. It's cold on the train too and in the office. I have things overdue at the library, which is not far at all, but I am not going to be out a minute more than I have to! I don't suppose they will accept the cold as an excuse to not pay the fines.

It is lovely and warm in my apartment; the electric baseboard heat works beautifully. I don't know what the electric bill will be like; I haven't paid the first one yet. I cook big chunks of meat in my oven for hours and the place is warm and smells good. I just never want to go out. It's nice in my bed, warm and comfortable, even without my sweet hubby. I can read a book a day easily. I can't wait to get home and change out of my clothes and into comfy slippers and relax.

The days are getting longer and I like to watch the tree outside my window, catching the last rays of sun when I get home (I try to work 9-3, so I am home before dark). The snow is beautiful to watch from inside! I am sure it will be a little warmer soon. It has to, so I can buy more food!

Oh, no! The high for the next 3 days is supposed to be 30...and it's probably going to snow on Saturday.

Hmm, I might have to rethink this plan...

Weekend

Cape Cod sunrise, over the cranberry bog to the East. A skim of ice on the surface. Cold but sunny. Lots of people and noise. Family party time! Pizza and subs, watching TV, talking talking talking

I had strange dreams, although the bed was very comfortable, warm under the covers, but cold for sleeping. Ray came to bed late, I don’t know when. He will talk as long as there is someone to listen, like his father before him.

Making Choices

My current sanctuary is a one-bedroom apartment in the city. It’s pretty luxurious, compared to where many people around the world live. It’s comfortably heated and even has a dishwasher (although I’ve never used it). I have a table and chairs for a few dinner guests (and even accommodations for overnight guests). I have a TV, although no cable or internet, so I can watch all the DVD’s I want. The public library is a 5-minute walk, so I have access to lots of DVD’s and books…and a place to go if I want to access the Internet and see what’s happening in the world.

It’s pretty quiet, although I sometimes hear a neighbor. I barely notice the traffic in the distance, airplanes, police sirens or machines working.

I traded a beautiful 2-story, 3 bedroom home in the country for this, and I’m really happy about it. I miss the birdsong and walks in the woods with my dog, but I feel that this is the right place for me now. I am an environmentalist, and I belong in the city. My biggest fossil fuel use was my car, followed by the energy being used to heat and cool my big free-standing house. Now I walk to the grocery store and take a bus or train to go farther. I have access to restaurants and museums and other activities. I can attend a social or cultural event or even a political rally, without feeling guilty or hypocritical for burning fuel to get there. I even share a washing machine with the other residents of my building. There are thousands of new friends waiting for me to meet them.

It’s certainly a change, but hardly a sacrifice.

Transitions

Ray left yesterday. First we went to the Winter Market (with Molli, but T stayed home). We walked a ways to get to the Community Center. There were lots of great apples, carrots, and greens. Treated myself to a pain au chocolat, one of my few vices. They had Nicaraguan coffee for Ray. We walked back, put things away. Ray showered and finished packing. He is leaving most things here. He flew on Spirit Airlines, only $50, nonstop to ATL, and it was fine. He would have had to pay for any luggage, even a carryon, but his backpack was okay. If he wanted something to eat or drink, he would buy it. If he wanted a certain seat, he would pay extra. He said it was crowded, but definitely worth the savings.

I went with him to the airport, a fairly long trip on the Red Line to the Silver Line. They were doing some work (often true on weekends) and we had to take a bus from one part of the Red Line to the other part, which made it even longer than usual. When we got there, it was about time for Ray to go through security, so I waved and turned around to make the trip back. It wasn’t that I really had anything else to do, so I just went with it.

At home, I tidied a little and eventually wandered over to Molli’s, where she was trying to get work done. I don’t have internet at my apartment, so I took advantage of hers, bringing my laptop with me. She made a beef stew, although it was a little late by the time it was ready. I have the table in my apartment, so we had to improvise a little, using a desk chair that could rise almost to the level of the kitchen counter, where the two of them usually eat on stools. The new bookcases and dresser look nice in the apartment, although there are still some things to put away, and she doesn’t really have time for that.

I watched a little TV and came home. Although I miss Ray, there is a certain pleasure in having the place to myself. I puttered a little and went to bed with a good book…unfortunately, although I was asleep by 10:30, I woke again before 2 and finished my book without going back to sleep, maybe dozing a little toward morning after I finished it. Anxiety about going back to work tomorrow? Missing my husband? Who knows? Sometimes I don’t sleep and that’s okay. It was a good book, the Last Runaway by Tracy Chevalier, and I had a good cry at one point.

Today, I feel like crap, but that will pass. I had intended to go to church this morning, my one social activity outside of Molli’s life, but she called to tell me Tamara was competing in a swim meet. She has practice every Sunday morning, but this time there was some sort of community meet and she was asked to compete. It was her first time ever, although she has been practicing for a month or so. She did not win any events, but seemed pretty happy afterward.

They came back to my house and ate pancakes. I had mixed them up earlier, but we stopped and got blueberries at the convenience store. $8 for 10 oz frozen berries! They did taste good.

Now they are gone, and this will be the rhythm of my days…some time alone, some time with the girls, trying to do what I can to make Molli’s life a little easier and provide them with decent meals and save some money. I can listen to music that I like, play solitaire, watch DVD’s, and cook. Not bad