I woke up in a total state of hysterics about my job. I feel completely unwanted and useless. And I don't know what I can do about it. Nothing, I think. I feel old and ineffectual. I don't know what I have done wrong to make my boss think I am incapable of doing anything. The work I have to do will take me about 5-10 hours most weeks. I have asked her and asked her for more, but she always says no. Yet she constantly complains about how much she has to do.

I have had fun things to do this weekend, but as soon as I relax, it always comes back to this. What is going to happen to my job?

Yesterday morning, I went to pilates and the farmers market. After lunch, Vanessa and I went over to Nancy's house to bake some cookies. I felt a little uncomfortable, being there while they were doing things. They were so nice to my mother, helping with the timer. We left them a few cookies.

At 5, Ray and I left for dinner. We ate with Janna and Ron and Deb and John at an interesting new restaurant. It is in an old building that has been revitalized. There is a yoga studio. There was an art gallery where I bought my quilts a few years ago. The restaurant is very small. There were three tables. A beautiful hanging covers one wall. It is a beautiful space, although the seating was a little uncomfortable, benches with no back. There is an extensive wine list, much longer than the menu, all sustainably produced, most organic or biodynamic, which is a step up from organic, with no sulfites. We ordered a Syrah, which was delicious. The menu included: a mushroom pate, with pickled cherry tomatoes, little toasts, and jelly. Arugula salad. Baked acorn squash with mustard greens. Mushrooms with grit cakes. Chocolate tart. Oatmeal cookies (both with bay ice cream). Sarah makes everything herself, including the ice cream. None of it has any meat, dairy, or eggs. Also lots of tasty dense bread. Cal took our orders and we chatted with both of them a lot. The food was delicious. I think the chocolate tart was the biggest hit, with a hint of coconut.

Ray had to leave before dessert, to go work the box office at the theater. Janna and Ron went home. Deb and John brought me to the theater. Becky and Kent met us there. It was sold out. The show was the Rocky Horror Show, which I had never seen. Many things about it were quite good, but it was not really my cup of tea. The musicians drowned out the singing, although it was better in the second act. We had fun, though.