Yesterday morning, we had a private pilates class. Ray was supposed to come, but he didn't want to get up. His cold was bothering him. Molli and Adrian helped my Dad load the television and the dresser on the truck and then we rushed off to class. It was great, really fun to have us all there together (missing Ray), and a good workout.

We went to the duplex where my parents will be living to move the dresser and TV in. Amelia unpacked the dishes. It is clean and nice, although small. I don't know what they will do all day every day.

At 11, Molli and Amelia and Adrian met Kasey at Waffle House. It was her birthday.

I went home and read my garden books, planning the layout for next year's vegetable garden. I made some muffins and froze them for tomorrow. I took a bath and ate some lunch. Amelia was packing unhappily. She had too much to take with her and I will send a couple boxes for her.

I made a reservation for 4:15, but we changed it to a little later. Adrian wanted to see something of Atlanta and we visited a fabric store that Amelia was interested in.

We had a wonderful dinner at Bistro Niko--Adam joined us. We ate and drank so many good things. Amelia and Ray finally left for the airport. Molli and Adrian went with Adam. And I drove Mom and Dad home. I watched a little TV while I was waiting for them. Molli called to say they were on their way back--and Amelia was with them; she had missed her flight! I feel bad that I didn't allow enough time for them to have a leisurely dinner and still get to the airport in plenty of time. She was very upset.

She is on standby for a 9:00 flight this morning, so they have already left. Hopefully, she will make it and really, no harm done.

sigh. Woke up at 4:15. Started thinking about my ex-job and the young woman who terminated it. Wondering what it was really about. Did I remind her of her mother? As far as I know, she did not hate her mother. Wondering if she feels bad about it. Anyway, stomach in a knot, no more sleeping today. Time to get up and try to distract myself.

Yesterday the girls got up and went running. So it was almost noon by the time we left. They wanted to go to Macy's. Adrian cannot buy clothes in Mexico--he is too tall! So, he bought lots here, on sale. I even bought a couple things myself--a new suit, in case I ever have an interview. And a red dress, the kind of special holiday dress I was looking for but didn't find. And a couple shirts for Ray, for $10 and $15. Molli bought a few things too and Amelia bought a present for Kasey. It was astonishing to find it was almost 4:00 when we went home for lunch.

Amelia made a lovely salad for potluck, with pears and walnuts. We were a few minutes late and there was only one other family there--Kay and Stu. They had brought cole slaw, which is what they usually bring. So after we ate with them, we went to Agua Linda (Adrian had requested it) and had some burritos. He enjoyed it.

They went to a party at O'Rileys', and I haven't heard from them since. Ray and I watched a little TV, but I was asleep most of the time.

By the time Molli got up yesterday and ate breakfast (bacon and eggs), my Dad had Adrian loading furniture on the truck and they drove to their new apartment to unload. Ray and Amelia and I took a walk (still some snow on the ground). We all got dressed and it was time to go out to lunch. After lunch, thrift shopping for a few hours and there goes the day! Leftovers for supper and more TV.

It was cold enough yesterday that there is still some snow on the ground--most likely, the crunchy kind. It was windy, too, and we tried to stay bundled up. I could still see it in the moonlight when I woke up. Fortunately, it was sunny and warm in the house, although we did have a fire in the stove most of the day, and ran the heat in the morning.

Molli and Adrian didn't have breakfast until about 9. Then we had the usual big group problem, trying to decide who is doing what when. They were excited to go shopping and buy clothes and spend the money they brought for the purpose. But there was also talk of a long walk. In the end, Molli, Adrian, Amelia and I left the house about 11 and headed to Goodwill. Molli and Adrian bought a lot of things there: jeans, sweaters, shirts. I bought one sweater for my Mom too. Amelia found a copy of Martha Stewart's first book, Entertaining. It is a classic we had admired at Janna's, with menus for parties of different sizes, and recipes. We came home about 2, had a quick lunch, and headed to Beechwood. We picked up Janna and her sister (yes, that made 6 in the car for a few blocks), took Dani to Janna's house, then went to Suska in Five Points. Unfortunately, they were closed! Then back to Beechwood to T. J. Maxx. Molli tried on many things (Adrian and I tried on a few too). Ron came and got Janna. We stood in line to buy things.

Then we went to Ann Taylor Loft. Since they only sell women's things, I offered to go next door to Jos. A Banks with him. Fortunately, Taylor (whom we met on Christmas Day at Janna's) was working there. He was very helpful and speaks some Spanish, but the language barrier was something of a problem. Adrian was looking for shirts that you would wear with cufflinks (French cuffs). It is hard for him to buy things in Mexico, because he is taller than most there. And he wears a lot of dress shirts. There was pretty much only one style in his size and he tried it on, but it was too big in the body, not tailored enough. They would have had to special order it in any color but blue. He did buy a tuxedo shirt, though, it was a little more fitted. Molli finally came looking for  us to see how it was going, and he didn't want her to leave! Meanwhile, Molli had a million things to try on and show at Ann Taylor. They all looked great and everything was 50% off. Wow! It got dark out and I began to think we would never get home.

Fortunately, Ray had started the roast on the grill when we got there at 6:45. Molli made delicious mashed potatoes and we had garden broccoli. I just sat and vegged. My parents went to bed pretty soon after supper and we watched some TV in the study--only seats for 3 or 4, so a little crowded. but fun.

I woke up with a sore throat. It feels like there is a tennis ball wedged into the back of my throat! Time to call the doctor. Well, in a couple hours. I slept pretty well until then, for 6 or 7 hours.

Yesterday morning, the ground was white. Everyone was asleep. I needed eggs to make pancakes (for 7). Used up 9 the day before on scrambled eggs for this crew. No stores open to restock on Christmas day. No Christmas miracle eggs from my beautiful, non-laying chickens. Too early to call the neighbors. E-mail to the rescue. I sent out a query to the neighborhood. The phone rang and O.C. said, "we have some from our daughter you can have, if you want to walk out in the snow." "I'll be there in 30 minutes." I bundled up and as the sky became lighter I realized it was snowing again. Took the dog and a bag and walked through the beautiful big soft flakes, only an inch or two on the ground, so walking was not a problem. Picked up the newspaper and went on down the road to their house. No one out. No sounds (until their neighbor's dog started barking at us). Rabbit tracks across the road in two places, one already getting covered up, one very recent. They invited me to sit with them for a minute, but I wanted to get cooking. Trudged back without my faithful companion. Turned out he was already home.

Made and enjoyed pancakes with maple syrup. My Mom made the bacon. Amelia made hers in a separate pan (no bacon fat). They were good. Everybody else went out to play in the snow at some point. Ray was waiting to hear if services at UUFA were canceled, and they finally called about 9. Adrian especially enjoyed the snow and stayed out the longest. Of course, we had to try to dig up enough warm clothes and boots; we don't use them often enough. I stayed in, having already had my snow time.

We made sure we had all the bread and cookies out of the freezers and thought about what to do first. I took my bath. We cleaned and tidied, put on a few more ornaments. Started the hot mulled wine, got up the punch bowl, got out cups and sliver trays. Cut up canteloupe, got out toothpicks. Amelia ironed the tablecloth, arranged the furniture and made the open-faced sandwiches. Would anyone show up? A few people did not come, but most of our favorites were there. Mike and Todd were a few minutes early and caught me vacuuming. Ran up and changed my dress. Molli was hostess and introduced Adrian to everyone. We had a lovely time; there was more than enough food. We did eat all the mini-quiches and sandwiches, but we have tons of cookies left!

Kevin was there for a long time; he left on the train last night; waiting to see if he will make it to NY (weather). Molli's friend Adam drove from Atlanta and had supper with us before driving back. I hope he didn't have any trouble. It was a pleasure to have him.

After supper and Adam's departure, the four of us watched an episode of Firefly, the one, in fact, where Jane (sp?) receives a hat from his mother--the same hat that Amelia has knitted and given Kevin for Christmas. Then we shared an episode of Doc Martin, a quirky show none of them had seen before that we like...A sort of funny soap opera set in a gorgeous village in Cornwall. We wore our Snuggies.

Snow in Athens! A Christmas miracle. Adrian has never before seen snow.

Christmas morning was pleasant. Adrian, as the youngest, distributed the stockings and we took the things out of them. Much candy, some soap and other small items were appreciated. Molli was still very tired and spent some of the morning dozing on the couch. Vanessa made scrambled eggs, what we usually eat on Christmas morning, together with a pastry treat, stollen from the Vermont Country Store that she had ordered and kept in the fridge. Amelia took a quick shower and got dressed, but most of us stayed in our pajamas to open the rest of our gifts under the tree. All enjoyed; my favorites include a new pair of slippers and a jigsaw puzzle of Paris. As usual, it was over too soon.

Amelia, Molli, and Adrian went to Kevin's house to exchange gifts a little before 1. Amelia was madly knitting right up until then, working on hats for Kevin and his aunt. The O'Rileys gave all three of them more presents and more expensive presents than we did, something we have had to accept over the years. While they were gone, I baked rolls (that I had made and frozen) and rosemary crackers for the party. The crackers were too crumbly and will not be able to be served, I don't believe. Amelia suggested using them as the topping on macaroni and cheese. So sad.

The four of us ate leftover soup and quiche when they weren't back by 2:15. They joined us when they got home. Then Molli and Amelia and I spent some time looking at Molli's clothes and deciding what she should wear, as well as what I should wear. She looks great; the only problem with any of her awesome dresses is that some are too big for her. In the end, I wore my velvet Christmas dress and Molli and Amelia wore jeans.

We piled into two cars and headed to Janna's about 5. It was raining and cold, just above freezing, but the driving was fine. We had a lovely meal at Janna's. She made roast beef for us, for the first time ever. There were four courses and 17 people. She was in the kitchen a lot, with a variety of helpers at various times. We had place cards with two names on them, one for the first half of the dinner and one for the second. Kevin came for a while, but was not anticipating a four-hour extravaganza. There was squash and leek soup, spinach with poached shallots and pears (and two dressings). There was roast beef, green beans, Yorkshire pudding and pasta with five cheeses. There were three desserts: cranberry tart, chocolate tart, and sweet potato cake with caramel-nut sauce. And lots of whipped cream. There was lots of wine, but we ran out. I had meant to bring a couple bottles of our favorite red, Aconga from Argentina. But we forgot.

My parents left before dessert and called when they got home. "Tt's snowing." Sure enough, it looked like it had already been snowing for a while. Adrian went out and watched for a long while, joined briefly by Molli and Amelia. They would have stayed and talked with Francesca and Mark all night I think. But I was ready to leave and Ray was dozing a little too. It was midnight before I went to sleep and woke up much too early, with a lot to do today and a lot on my mind.

Amelia just got up to wish me Merry Christmas and ask if Santa came! It is too early, still very dark and we don't want to wake everyone else yet. But she pointed out to me that we can hear an owl not far away--the Christmas owl?

Yesterday was a lot of cooking and otherwise getting ready. Ray had to run out and get something he forgot (for me, I think), so I had him buy some more butter and other groceries as well. Amelia and my Mom continued to add a few things to the tree occasionally. the Captain cut up the vegetables for soup. We  also did a couple loads of laundry. It was quite cold, but sunny, so nice in teh house. I made another loaf of bread in the toaster oven. And the frosting for the cake, which Amelia frosted beautifully.

We tidied up a little and tried to decide how long it would take Molli and Adrian to go through customs and immigration. They were due at 2:15, but we thought it would take at least 45 minutes to get to the terminal, and maybe more. On our way to Atlanta, we got an email from Molli (apparently she had free wi-fi on the flight)--expecting to land 25 minutes early! All went well, except for a rather long backup at the airport itself, so that Molli called to say, "we beat you." They had landed, breezed through everything and gotten their luggage before we could actually get to where they were waiting. We zipped back to Athens and rushed through our program, having a quick introduction to the chickens and gardens, before a brief drink and snack. Dinner was served about 5:30 and we left the house just a tad late, about 6:15, for a 6:30 service at UUFA, singing carols and lighting candles with friends. Rev. Allison strikes the right note for me, sincere and straightforward, hopeful and concerned.

We skipped the Bible reading and carol singing at the house, since we had just done it. But we did have the reading of Nellie's Christmas Eve by the Captain, with a slight amount of choking up. And we hung seven stockings on our mantel. Kevin came by for a bit. My Dad was first to bed, about 9 maybe. My Mom had a few things to wrap. I put clementines in all the stockings, followed by some mixed nuts and some candy I had. Fortunately, Polly sent a lot of good stocking stuffers and I had some things, too. But I don't seem to have gotten the toiletries that we sometimes add--toothpaste, for instance. And I lacked the energy to wrap everything I put in the stockings. I still had lots of presents to wrap, somehow. Molli and Adrian were exhausted, having slept about 3 hours on the bus only. He was next to bed, then Ray. Molli couldn't tear herself away, but she finally did. I went to bed about 10:30--saw a little choral singing to set the mood. Amelia was still at it.

Slept pretty well, waking up for a bit about 3:30, but finally going back to sleep until 5:30. Another hour would have been good. The cold is still with me, stuffy, dry mouth, a little achy, but not much coughing. Yay!

Thinking of relatives and friends this morning and being glad.

Another "moony" morning, still waking up too early, even though it was after 10 when I went to bed. Here's the drill: a bout of coughing that Nyquil and a cough drop finally conquer. then waking up with a dry mouth and a headache to drink lots of water. Then waking up to go to the bathroom. Then more coughing...

During the day, I had to get some more groceries, hopefully the last trip before Christmas, and Amelia needed to buy just one thing. So, there we were, with lots of other people, stressing about exactly the right thing (at the right price)...something I try to avoid. I hate the idea of buying something for someone just because I feel I have to. If nothing seems right, wait until you find something that jumps out at you--or give to a charity in their name. Christmas should not be stressful and unpleasant. What about love and joy? However, we all do what seems best to us, and we finally made it home for a late lunch.

I worked on a cake for Christmas Eve (chocolate to welcome Adrian) and some rolls and cheese crackers that are now in the freezer, to be baked at the proper moment. After supper, I made 2 quiches for Christmas Eve (today), which baked in the two toaster ovens.

A little after 5, the Fed Ex truck brought me a new control panel for my stove! A Christmas miracle. Ray and Amelia were tempted to try to hook it up, as I got no answer at the repair service, but we didn't want to take a chance on ruining it. It is possible they can come today and hook it up. We'll see. Patience is a virtue...

Amelia baked the cake and some more cookies at Kevin's house, while I wrapped a present and watched some TV with my sweetie.

Oh, and we put the tree up. It is very tall and takes up half the living room. We moved furniture into the garage, parking one of the cars outside, to make room. Amelia strung the lights, while Ray steadied the tall ladder, We listened to Christmas music and enjoyed the sunny warm day.

4:15 am. I wake up. I am surprised to notice my stuffy nose and sore throat. I guess that means my cold is getting better, not the first thing on my mind. I lie in bed awhile, thinking about everything and waiting to see if maybe I will go back to sleep. I get up. Outside, the moon is casting shadows of the trees and the chicken coop. Although it is supposed to be below freezing outside, it is comfortable in here.

Yesterday morning, I finished making the 48 mini-quiches in the toaster oven and they are now in the freezer, waiting to be heated up for Molli's engagement party on Sunday. Amelia wanted to go do some shopping at the mall. I tried to convince her that we should buy locally, but looking for men's dress shirts seemed to point to Macy's. George Gibson's is a wonderful men's store, but buying something there would cost more than twice as much. Many times, she buys used at Goodwill and other thrift stores, but not for hard-to-fit men at Christmas time. I bought a couple things too. Then she was off to lunch with Becky and Kevin at the Grit, her favorite vegetarian restaurant.

I began working on supper, bread, soup and pie. My Mom made the pie crust. I called Amelia to pick up a squash for the soup. I baked the bread in the two toaster ovens, one loaf in each. When Amelia got home, we engaged in the traditional Christmas tree hunt. It must be tall and full enough for our two-story living room. We have lots of decorations for it. We circle around, looking at promising trees. None of them is making Amelia say, "this is it." She would keep looking, but we settle on one. It is much too tall, but we only want the top half. Ray and Amelia and my Dad take turns with the saw. The dog runs around. We drag it back to the house, but we still need to make room for it. We decide we will take one of the cars out of the garage and move some of the furniture out there. But enough for today.

We eat supper and talk about the menu for the next few days. We watch TV. Amelia knits on a project for a Christmas present. The pie is tasty. Molli calls from Mexico. She and Adrian are very excited to be coming here tomorrow! I fall asleep.

Captain took Vanessa to yoga and they went out to breakfast. Made oatmeal for Amelia and me and the chickens.

The three of us drove to Five Points and ate lunch at the Add Drug counter (good and cheap). Ray chatted with the three-year-old next to him, who was with her mother and younger sister. They were having pajama day. They do not celebrate Christmas, but Hanukah and Devali (a Hindu holiday of lights). Apparently, their Mom is Jewish and their Dad Indian, judging by their looks and this information. Her name is Nora and she was not shy about talking to Ray. They all enjoyed it. I had a cheeseburger and I ate a few of Amelia and Ray's fries. Then we bought a few things at EarthFare,
Baked two kinds of cookies at Janna's house, the butter-nut chip icebox cookies and a new kind, double-chocolate. Poor Janna is sicker than I am, not leaving the couch for the most part. We brought her a sandwich (BLT) and gave her a taste of the cookies and talked some about the menu. But she had to correct some more papers before turning in the grades at 5. Amelia did all the baking and I looked at Janna's Entertaining book by Martha Stewart. Lots of neat party menus and pictures of Martha when she was much younger (with her staff). In some ways, she seems like the heir to Julia Child.

At two, we went home and froze the cookies. Amelia began working on a green and red Christmas dress she is making for a friend's daughter. I had a call from the repair service. They have the part back and would put it in today. This would at least allow us to use our stove top again. However, in the meantime, Thermador has said they are mailing me a new part directly (didn't say anything about the cost), together with shipping information for returning the old one. So, I told them to hold onto it until I get the new one. Unfortunately, they had not ordered the element (thinking we would not be able to use it, since we wouldn't have the control panel). So, no telling how long that will take. The irony is I might be able to have a working oven for Christmas, if they had the second part. The lesson is, never give up (I guess). It's still not fixed, but I am cautiously hopeful.

I mixed the dough for the mini-quiche crusts and made half of them (24) in two batches in the toaster-oven! Ray supposedly froze them before he came to bed. I also made Roman rice and beans and Vanessa made asparagus soup (sadly Amelia doesn't like asparagus). It was tasty! And I had a bourbon hot toddy from the party book. It was tasty too--bourbon, honey, lemon and cloves and hot water. Medicinal, of course.

Yesterday was cloudy and rainy. It was warmer, almost 50 at its warmest, but not pleasant. We kept the stove going, but it wasn't always warm enough for Vanessa.

Managed to stay up until 10, but still woke up at 4. Darn! Stuffy head, thirsty.

Looked through some more cookbooks yesterday morning, while Amelia finished up a knitting project. Captain took Vanessa to exercise class and then went back and picked her up.

After lunch, Amelia and I went to mail the last package. No guarantee that it will arrive on time, since I wasn't willing to pay $21 for Express Mail. Sorry, Nicky, but it will be worth the wait. On our way, we stopped at Target. So many people buying so much crap, it makes my skin crawl. They did have a 2-burner hot plate that we bought. Not sure where I could have gotten that locally.

While I was standing in line at the Post Office, Amelia was shopping next door. We had to stop briefly at Coldwater Creek, where they were having 50% off for the next 10 days. Didn't see anything I had to have right away, but may go back later for some corduroy pants.

Then we went to JoAnn Fabrics, where Amelia bought lots of fabric for some upcoming sewing projects. I bought a couple magazines, one with recipes for party foods, one of knitting projects. We got some groceries at Kroger and came home.

Amelia made potato soup--it was pretty good.

I'm feeling a bit more cheerful this morning. Perhaps I slept better. Amelia is here. Maybe my cold is getting better?

Amelia was here yesterday morning before I had made the pancakes. She arrived in Gainesville on the train at 7 am and Kevin's mother brought her home. My Mom cooked bacon and then washed out the electric frying pan before we made the pancakes (Amelia is a vegetarian). Unfortunately, the frying pan is old and has lost its non-stick quality in the last week or so, since we have been using it so much. So the pancakes were a little rough, but tasty. My Dad is dieting, so he had toast and egg instead. The hot plate gave up the ghost on Saturday, so he couldn't really have a boiled egg. We were trying to figure out how to boil an egg in the microwave, but ended up not doing it. I was afraid it would explode and make a mess.

Ray and Amelia and I headed to UUFA. I decided I really couldn't sing, but Ray did. There were only about a dozen people. Amelia and I enjoyed the service greatly. Rev. Allison spoke about peace and her despair of its being achieved. She is very accessible, almost naive, and I appreciate her. Also, her quiet and supportive husband.

Ray had to stay for rehearsal for the UUFA dinner theater he is working on, so Amelia and I went to Goodwill looking for a new hot plate and some other items. No hot plate, but I did buy a crockpot. I also bought a few things for other people and a couple dresses for me that almost fit. I am being optimistic about losing some more weight. They are both purple and I liked them and they were only $5 each. I know better, but I couldn't find anything I liked that fit me. Actually, there was a stretchy red dress size 14 that looked surprisingly good on me. It was all covered with sparkles and great for the holidays. But the sparkles were scratchy and uncomfortable. I guess that's how it ended up at Goodwill. It is my experience (and Amelia's too) that if you buy a scratchy uncomfortable dress, no matter how great it looks, you will end up never wearing it.

Ray called and we said we were almost ready. We picked him up and went home to eat leftovers. Most of them had meat in them, but there was some potato curry that Becky had made. Amelia made some rice in the microwave and we sat on the porch some. She was really tired and sleepy. In the sunshine, it was just about warm enough. She enjoyed the chickens. Amelia and I talked a lot about the menu for the engagement party and studied cookbooks. I was thinking about other meals, too. Amelia was finishing up a knitting project, and I worked on mine some, too.

At 3:30, I took the ziti over to Lindsays' house to cook. The progressive dinner started at StipeMaas's with appetizers, but Amelia and I stayed home. Ray and Captain and Vanessa came to get us on their way to the main course--there were about 60 people at Lindsays'. People asked me if I had found another job yet. Good grief! It's only been a couple weeks. One neighbor said they were looking for child care workers at their church. Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights--not a really good fit for me. Amelia and Vanessa and Ray went to Campbells' for dessert, but I rested in front of the TV, trying to stay awake long enough to say good night to Amelia.

I have a bad cold; my brain barely works at all. Stuffy head, coughing, sneezing yesterday. Took some meds and went to sleep before 9, but woke up again about 1 and didn't sleep much more. Head aches.

Amelia will be here in a couple hours! She is on the train headed this way, arriving about 7 am.

Yesterday Ray and Vanessa and I went out. we dropped her at the drugstore, then I went to the famers' market. Last of the season. Ray stayed in the car. At that point, he was sicker than I was. It was rainy and cold, not too many vendors were there. But I got lots of good things and they thanked me for coming out. baby bok choy for Amelia, zucchini, potatoes, tomatoes--yes in December--lettuce, spinach. Then we went to Add Drug and mailed the last box, to the Cape. At Earth Fare, I bought a few more groceries, including orange juice.

At home, we had lots of good leftovers to choose from for lunch. Vanessa went over to Sky's to bake some cookies. She called me when she was done and I took over an apple cake I had made in the morning. I made the ziti for tonight's Kenney Ridge progressive dinner. We'll have to figure out where to bake it tonight. Then Mom started the pot roast. Apparently, the hot plate just stopped working--overworked, perhaps. We put the pot roast on the wood stove and Ray built up the fire. It was delicious and worked just fine. We had old-fashioneds for our colds and went to bed early. I don't think I made it through all of Jeopardy.

Yes, now I have a cold too. What are the odds that my parents won't get it? Or Amelia, who arrives tomorrow--and then Molli and Adrian, when they get here on Friday?

Yesterday morning, I made chicken tagine on the little hot plate. It worked remarkably well, as long as you have plenty of time. After lunch, we headed to town. Ray had some end-of-semester stuff to take care of. And I had a massage and facial that Janna had given me. Becky and Deb were there too. It was really great, including brushes and hot stones! Then we went back to Janna's, where we were met by the men and ate the chicken tagine, with some couscous and spinach salad that Janna whipped up. We drank wine, and planned some future outings, mainly to Deb and John's beach house. It was really fun, and we didn't stay too late. I was in bed by 10, but yes, I did wake up at 4...

Well, that was not a very good night. Ray's cold had him up  and down a few times and I had trouble getting to sleep for a number of reasons. Now I think maybe I am getting it.

Yesterday was very cloudy and foggy and not nice at all. In the morning, when I took Cameron to the mailbox, there were frozen drips on the trees, but they were thawing. The temperature was just above freezing, and it went up all day. We had a fire in the stove and at first it was not really putting out enough heat, but by evening it was pleasant.

Captain and Vanessa took trash to the dump in the foggy wet weather and it seemed like a long time before they came back. I was trying not to worry. Ray was wrapping and packing Christmas presents. I made another kind of bread, but it didn't come out quite right--burned on top and raw underneath.That's what happens when you try to bake in the toaster oven.

After lunch, Ray went to his office and I went to the post office. Did you know you can't ship packages in liquor cartons? So, the package he packed and sealed and I was supposed to mail couldn't go to his mother and brother in Oklahoma. I did send off a couple other packages for him. I love book rate! It was $11 for two packages, including the envelope and address labels.

Then I went to Earth Fare and bought some groceries, and a few special things for Christmas, like mixed nuts and chocolate-covered pretzels. They were giving tastes of roast beef and it tasted pretty good. They want me to order now for Christmas--only $10 a pound. I did buy a pot roast. While I was in the store, my cell phone rang. The appliance repair people confirming that the control panel for my oven cannot be repaired. Did i want it back? Yes, I want it reinstalled so I can use the burners for the holidays anyway. I haven't quite given up yet. I am in communication directly with Thermador, but don't have much hope. Time to call someone to come up with a plan to replace it.

Picked Ray up and went home about 5 and continued working on the spaghetti sauce I started earlier. It was kind of a strange recipe, calling for milk and wine. And hours of cooking, which I didn't have. We ate it anyway about 7. The hot plate takes longer to heat things up. Then I fell asleep almost immediately, possibly due the old-fashioned I had before supper. When I woke up and went to bed, though, I finished my book and then was wide awake for hours. Go figure.

It's getting easier, although I don't like driving anywhere near Barber Street, where the Shelter is, or other things that remind me. But sometimes I have a little hope that I can do something wonderful now. I have two ideas that are probably fantasies. One is to have a consulting firm that helps people starting non-profits. The trouble with that idea is that usually money is a problem for people starting non-profits. Contingency grant-writing? A corollary to this is to have several people who are knowledgeable in different areas that I can call on or make referrals to--call it Seven Sisters...or something. An even more fantastic idea is to start that home for unwed mothers that I was thinking of--or an "orphanage" for the backlog of kids in foster care. Or a nonprofit day care center. There is also the possibility of green consulting--advising people (or businesses) on minimizing their carbon footprint. Part of me says all this information is available (there must be a million books on starting a non-profit), but lots of people would rather talk to a person. Do I have something that you can't find in a book?

Yesterday morning, Ray and I drove Mom to the Y for her water exercise class. Then he went to his office to give a makeup test. I went to the Department of Labor to apply for benefits, which I did. Long somewhat tedious and impersonal process, but we'll see. Then I applied for several jobs at the University of Georgia, which you do on line. I did this before when I was unemployed. I think I got one interview for a part-time temporary job, which I didn't get, after applying to maybe 100 jobs. So, it's really a long shot. There was one job being an advisor about study abroad, which sounded pretty appealing. All these jobs have low pay but good benefits. But I would have to be there 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year or so. I am afraid I would not like it, if I managed to get a job there.

The Mom of one of the kids we took to the Mountain is Director of School Social Work in Clarke County. She sent me a listing for an Office Manager position--apologetically. I will apply today. It pays $30,000--what I was potentially making working part time. But I could do a great job.

Captain and Vanessa went to the grocery store and made coq au vin for a gentleman they met at the Democratic Committee holiday party, and his 14-year-old Brazilian stepson. Ray made macaroni and cheese early, so the hotplate would be available. We headed to potluck before they arrived. Once again, I was dozing off in choir. Said hello briefly when we got home, then read in bed for much longer than I expected.

Weather: a little less cold than it has been, got up to 37. Unfortunately, not much sun, so the fire was going all day. Did some more work on one of my insulating shades, because it would make a big difference to have all the windows covered.

Cornelia

Ray enjoying the sun at the Mountain

Good news! I finally got the pictures off my phone. As usual, I think, "well they weren't that great anyway..." Here are a few, with many more on FB.

Yesterday morning, we took Mom to yoga. Then we went to play racquetball. I won the second game and I'm not too sore. I didn't cry once; in fact, I don't think I cried at all yesterday. (Except when I was looking at pictures of Nate and Lidet for the calendar I was making.) It used to be I couldn't play very well because my thoughts kept straying and I tried really hard to stay focused. But now, I can play pretty well even when my thoughts stray. Which they did. But I am not going to tell you about all the things I go over about the Shelter, because I am Moving On. Dreaming Big. Now I have a chance to do something with my life. It's about time.

Sunrise..I have a whole series.

Ray went to the office to give two exams. I went to Add Drug in Five Points to mail a package. I love book rate. It's so much cheaper. and I generally give a lot of books. While I was there, I bought a BLT from the counter. $2.95! I should eat there more often. Yum. I did that because I had a filling replaced. My appointment was at 11. My insurance paid for most of it, but I still had to pay $75. They even have XM radio on headphones for me to listen to instead of the drills. The assistant was Yolanda, originally from Mexico. She has been working for Dr. McRae for 17 years. I told her about Molli. She was very interested. Her eyes sparkled when she asked me how I liked Mexico. She has four children, including a one-year-old.

Ray lectures about the geology and geography around the Mountain, to a willing audience.

They put some tube in my mouth, I guess to keep my tongue out of the way and help me breathe. I felt like I was drowning. I hate dentists. I think my mouth is really small and that makes it harder for them. It was numb for a while and then sore, but today it feels fine.

Meditation Rock in the morning (I have several of these, too).

Then I went home and worked on the calendar. There was a sale at Snapfish--3 for the price of 1. So I had to get it done before midnight. The Captain and Vanessa packed up three boxes that were ready and took them to the post office.

When the calendar was done, I made a quiche. My Mom had made the crust for it and I didn't really have any veggies to put in. Not even much half-and-half or Swiss cheese. But whole milk, some cream, cheddar and Monterey Jack--6 eggs and 3 cups of milk made a pretty tasty quiche. The bottom didn't cook as much as I would have liked (in the toaster oven).

Sunday morning service in the Treehouse

These gnarly trees are ancient oaks, stunted by the growing conditions.

Overcast, but you can still see a ways from the Fire Tower

I have lots of these pictures, too.

Thanksgiving pies

Sorry about this picture, Bonney, but I wanted to show off the sweater and how great it looks on you.

After eating at Bistro Niko: Nick, Chris, Ray, Vanessa

Nick, Chris, Bonney, me, Vanessa, Captain

The festive shirt I got for the madrigal dinner. (Not a very flattering picture of me.)

Picked Ray up at 7 and he pretty much took care of everything. I was dozing on the couch, sometimes catching part of a program, while he cleaned up and did dishes.

Internet problems this morning. It's 15 out; maybe that has something to do with it. I have to take Cameron out soon and I really don't want to. We had warm oatmeal with brown sugar, half & half, and banana, as well as toasted homemade bread with peanut butter.

Yesterday I made bread and worked on my shade. The sewing machine was challenging, but I managed to do it.

I visited with a young woman, Natalie, to talk about her organic vegetable garden. This is for a program called Time Banking, a sort of barter. One hour of anyone's time is worth the same--you earn hours and spend them based on your skills and the needs of the other people. It was quite fun to be an expert.

Ray was gone all day; his last class for one of the courses he teaches.The rest of us had basic fish soup with our homemade bread. I fell asleep about the time he came home, although kept trying to wake up and watch whatever he was watching.

I'm okay. I've fallen into a pattern where I fall asleep early and wake up really early. I'm getting 6 or 7 hours of sleep, which is about normal for me. But when I wake up in the morning, I start to get upset all over again. It just doesn't make any sense to keep the last person hired and let me go. They will lose the little institutional memory they have--and my knowledge of the community. The next time an auditor comes will be worse. In fact, they still don't have an audit for 2009.

It's 24 out and the wind is howling. Yesterday, it was incredibly cold and windy, and it's going to be much colder for the next few days. Today's high is supposed to be 34. It's pretty good in here; we keep a fire going. Ray banks it at night, so it is still warm this morning. Good thing he and Captain cut and split all that wood! I sure wish we could bake something!

We had a lovely service of African music, singing and drumming. And the children acted out an African story. It was fun and there was standing room only. There was a vote on the budget, which is less than last year, and Ray rehearsed a play that they are doing for dinner theater next month.

So we got home for lunch about two and my parents had made some turkey/chicken soup. It was delicious and really hit the spot. At 4, I headed to Barnes and Noble to wrap some more. Mom and Ray both went with me. The Captain was watching the Patriots on TV. Mom got one or two more presents. I read the knitting magazines, but resisted buying any.

It is so hard to make a new life. There is a big hole where the Shelter was, like missing a tooth that was pulled out, and feeling with my tongue constantly. Plus, I have to pull myself together and apply for jobs. I looked at the paper yesterday. There wasn't much--a clerk at Public Health, assistant teachers at day care centers. But there are other things beside the want ads--the university, the school district...

I'm coping, but still in a lot of pain. I stay busy and try not to think about it, but when I woke up this morning (too early for the night before), I couldn't help myself. So  much I want to tell her, just about doing my job. There are other things I'd like to talk about with her, but wouldn't bring up. But all of them, the board members and staff, I have to see at some point in the community. How can they not be ashamed?

My friends and the people I go to church with, and my family, are all outraged on my behalf. Which is nice, but doesn't get me employed. Time to buckle down and prove that I am very employable and they really did me a favor. Sigh.

Yesterday morning, Ray and I were at the Fellowship a little after 9, for Nifty Gifty. This is an opportunity for kids to make presents. Older kids can be dropped off and even make things their parents don't know about. There is a wrapping station too, so they can be all wrapped before they are picked up again. Our kids loved it and we were the recipients of many delightful home-made items. I was at the registration table this year, but only 15 kids came. Probably the costs were not covered and many volunteers gave their time. Ray was helping kids make a top out of a CD. Deb B. was overseeing a game involving popsicle sticks.

Then we went out to lunch with Janna and Ron. They had been running errands and we met them in Beechwood for pizza. They needed Ray to help put up their Christmas tree(s). Mark is not around any more; Ray used to do it, then Mark took over, now it is Ray again. First we had to move the furniture out of the way, then put down the plastic sheets (old shower curtains). Then they carried in the tree (Frasier fir in the living room, pine in the family room). Ron holds the tree, while Janna directs, and Ray turns the knobs to hold it in the stand. Repeat the process for the second tree.

At home, Ray had to take a nap. I took a bath and thought about what I would wear for the madrigal dinner. Nothing! I had nothing to wear! I was tired of wearing the same things, usually black. I wanted something festive. I hadn't bought anything new in a long time.

I jumped in the car and drove to Janna's house, calling her on the way. I need something to wear tonight and I am coming to get you. I was sure she would say no, she was too busy, but she didn't. First we went to Suska, a lovely place for high-quality used items in Five Points. They didn't have exactly what I wanted--no dresses, some nice black tops, including a cowl neck that was really perfect for me, except for being black. We tried another thrift store, but it was closed, after 5 o'clock. We went to T.J. Maxx, where I tried on a couple things, but nothing was really great. Then SteinMart--didn't even try anything on there. Then we went to Chico's. Now it was getting kind of late. And they still didn't have any dresses. But they did have lots of great tops--glittery and bright, as well as jewelry. The first one I tried on, Janna said, "buy that." I did try a couple others, but ended up buying that one. It's purple and shiny. There was another purple one that was good, too, and a red one I liked (except I kind of resist wearing red and black). She bought a necklace for me to wear with it--an then return to her.

I took her home and rushed home to change--black velvet pants, take the tags off, jump in the car and rush to Trumps. Ray dropped us off and went to park. I had layers of things on to keep warm, but took them off in the Georgian. There were almost 100 people there, but very few I knew. The Athens Chamber singers (http://athenschambersingers.org/concertsyuletide2010.html) sang a lot of beautiful songs. Miss Hardeman and Jill Crandall were among the singers. And there was a Klezmer band! Ron and my Dad especially liked it. The food was very good. But I was pretty tired and it was late. We got home by 10:30 and I went right to sleep. Fortunately, Ray took care of building up the fire and making sure everything was set for the night.

It is only 41 now, the highest morning temperature in at least a week. And raining. It is supposed to be even colder in the next few days. And no sun. The chickens don't seem to mind, although their water froze once. Cameron loves to race around in the cold, but he will have to go back on a leash. He has been staying away more and more, sadly.

Jeez! Are they crazy? The place I used to work, the one I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into for 18  months, where I handled all the finances up until 3 days ago...changed the locks on the doors. You know, how they are having money problems and they decided they needed to spend money on that, so I wouldn't sabotage everything I worked so hard on. Give me a f***in' break! As Ray said, "it is so insulting." However, it actually made me laugh, it's so ridiculous. It suggests a level of paranoia that is hard to comprehend and a lack of understanding of me that has obviously been going on for months. I do feel stupid, that I could work so closely with people who had no clue about my behavior and motivations, who would chat about their lives with me and then not return my phone calls.

I went to the dentist yesterday morning, to take advantage of my dental insurance before it expires the end of the year. I had never been to Dr. MacRae's office before, but they are one of about 3 who are "in-network" for this plan. It was amazingly awesome. The technician, Natalie, did a lot of hard work to clean my teeth, after she took digital x-rays, including a full-mouth scan. She showed my that my jaw was fine, among other things. She even looked for oral cancer warning signs and found non. Dr. MacRae is not Scottish--well, not obviously. He is dark black and very tall. He looked at everything she had done and looked in my mouth himself and found one filling on the x-ray that he thinks needs to be replaced because it is "leaking." Both of them actually looked at the paper I had filled out in the waiting room, unlike some places. We chatted some. And they were able to make an appointment to do the filling next Tuesday, before my insurance runs out and before my company comes.

Meanwhile, Ray was getting his hair cut. He came and picked me up. M. had asked me to call the shelter when I was coming, "so they could have my things ready for me." She wasn't there. I left a message on her cell phone, but went on and turned in my keys and credit card and picked up a couple things. My key didn't work! I left my things with Jaron and asked him to have her call me.

She hasn't returned my call yet. Apparently, she is terrified of me? I was just going to remind her about a couple of things she should be doing. Honestly!

After that, we stopped by the bookstore on Clayton St and gave him a few books and albums. We now have store credit for used items of over $30. And some of our things will be bought by someone else! yay!

After lunch, Ray and I went and met with Bob Carson about our "investments." We have a few IRAs that are in different accounts and not really being managed by the person who is currently making money off them. He was very nice and very smart, giving us information about the economy as well as good advice. He says we are "under-saved." WAINS. I suppose the vast majority of people are. The amount in all our IRAs, etc., will not help us much. Ray's retirement is what we will have to live on and he will need to work until he is at least 65, depending on how much we need. I feel really good about our decision to work with him.

We went to Joann Fabric and got some more little rings for the insulating shades I am making. The really cold weather is motivating me to get them done. Ray picked up a few things at Kroger. It was about 4:30 on Friday and starting to make me antsy.

At home, we made jambalaya on our hot plate and ate it. I was falling asleep on the couch watching Jeopardy. We went to Barnes & Noble, where the Fellowship was making some money wrapping presents. They had three people, although one went home when we got there. I might have wrapped two things in the time I was there, but I did look through a lot of magazines, until I was once again dozing in my chair. Ray took me home, stopping by Publix to get rid of our accumulated styrofoam. He went in and got some sherbet for my parents and picked up Klondike bars, too.

It was about 10:30 when we got home and I went right to sleep, not even opening a book. And slept until after 5.

I woke up before 4 this morning and got upset all over again. Couldn't go back to sleep. I can't believe I worked so hard and it will all be for nothing. I finished the book I was reading and keep getting my boss mixed up with the evil sorceress.

Yesterday I couldn't get up any interest in playing racquetball. But I did make three loaves of French bread--baking them one at a time in the toaster oven. They turned out great. I took Ray to his office and then went to the library. I picked out some books and spent some time on the computer. At noon, I went and got him and we came home. I spent some time outside, shoveling wood chips from a pile into the wheelbarrow and then onto the paths in the garden. My Mom went to Nancy's to bake cookies.

I opened up the other table and spread out the cardboard cutting sheet. I cut out the fabric, the lining, the batting, and the plastic for another shade. Turns out I don't have enough of the tape with the rings on it to do that part. So I'll need to go to Joann Fabrics today.

My parents went to the movies. Ray and I ate the pea soup they had made. It was so good. And the homemade bread. I fell asleep by 7:30, watching Jeopardy. There is a woman from Athens on, named Sara, and she is doing well. This is her second show.

Then I woke up in bed and read for awhile.

I read a lot yesterday; thank goodness for books. This one was really good, engaging and entertaining. It was still really cold, only not as sunny. We had a fire going in the stove, but it was not always really warm. I had fried egg for breakfast. Ray and I walked the dogs to get the paper. Then we went to Ramsey and played racquetball. It was pretty deserted and we could choose any court we wanted. I wore new sneakers and they rubbed my foot, but he assures me they just need to be broken in.

It was really really hard for me. I kept thinking about my job and wanting to go there and do things, but thinking about what I would say and do. I am sure they have moved McKenzy into my office. I forgot my picture of Molli and Amelia and my water bottle. And I should go through my computer and delete all my music, I guess. Also say goodbye to people. Anyway, I am not ready. I hit the ball really hard. Then I lay down on the floor and cried. Ray sat near me and tried to be comforting. He didn't say, you can't do this. He said they are so stupid...I managed to play two games of racquetball in a haze. I couldn't keep track of the score, just hit the ball over and over. I would like to say it made me feel better, but all I can say is I managed to do it. I took a shower and put on my red dress for the Christmas party at his office and I talked to the people there and ate a delicious lunch and didn't run and hide.

Then we went home and I didn't do much, except sit by the fire and read, which was pleasant. People kept talking to me, though, and I didn't really want them to. My Dad said to Cameron, "she doesn't want to play." Zoe was lying on the blanket, breathing hard. I went and sat with her. I called to Ray and he came and joined me, just before she took her last breath. Don't know that she knew we were there, but they say that about people--that they wait for you. My Dad and Ray put her in the wheelbarrow and took her out to the grave Ray dug last summer when we thought she was going to die. Cameron really seemed unhappy and confused, so I took him out on a leash, but he still didn't understand. Zoe was gone, but  he couldn't figure out where. She was 14 and had a good life. We loved her and will miss her. They say bad things come in threes--my oven, my job, my dog. I don't know why that should be, but maybe it means things are looking up for me. Or, maybe we used up all our good karma getting Adrian's visa approved. I guess it was worth it. And I am trying to be positive about the job; maybe this is the chance for me to do something new. I am somewhat at a loss for how to make that happen...

Ray made his famous macaroni and cheese and we went to potluck. It is nice to have people who love you and our sympathetic. Choir was good, but I did fall asleep during some of it, not the part where we practiced processing. Went right to bed when we came home and slept pretty well for about 7 hours.

Unemployed at 55! OMG, I can't believe this is happening! What a nightmare! No wonder I haven't been busy! But damn, I worked hard. Other people spend hours talking on the phone or otherwise wasting time. And I was a bargain--no benefits. This is such a huge mistake for the Shelter--I can't imagine who is going to take care of the things I did or how. Starting with being there at 8 this morning. I feel sorry for Meredith; she is somehow going to have to do even more. And she will have this on her conscience forever. I do think she worries about things. It really bothers me to think that stuff is going to be done badly or not done at all.

I remember what it was like last time I was unemployed--for 2 years! How hard I worked to stay busy and keep from getting depressed. I am determined to use this time to do some housework--clean up my files. Too bad they just took the part out of the stove to send in and see if it can be fixed. I can't do any cooking for weeks, just when I have the time and would like to get ahead. And the weather is terribly cold; baking would make it much nicer. I wonder if I can bake one loaf of bread in my "new" toaster oven. Perhaps I can make some more shades for the windows.

I really don't want to be home all day every day with my parents. I could use a little space right now. Spending time with Ray is fine. I look forward to it, maybe we can play racquetball a lot. Or maybe we should cancel the gym membership to save money. And Netflix. What about my cell phone? I would cancel the satellite TV, but can't really do that while the Captain and Vanessa are living here.

I won't buy any more Christmas presents...maybe I can sell some things?

I was informed by email that I had a meeting with the president of the Board and the Director. They told me that they were eliminating the position of Assistant Director and hiring a Finance Manager. It was the best thing for the organization and had nothing to do with me. They would help me find another job, they appreciate everything I have done...they are paying me through the end of the year, but I don't have to come in.

I think it's insane. They all come and go as they please, dragging in at 8;30 or 9 or so. It's going to be hard for them. OMG. They will put McKenzy in my office. I can't stand it. Do you know, it was my suggestion to create that position? It's like a novel. And I think it has a lot to do with my age.

I will have to find out about applying for unemployment.

We cooked potato pancakes in the electric flying pan. But there wasn't any applesauce, so we made some--on Becky's hot plate. She had it in the horse trailer and lent it to us. Heated up frozen broccoli in the microwave.

A busy (but not really stressful) day at work. I did not see M., but she emailed me to ask questions about the budget (which I was able to answer). We got $2500 in the mail from someone she had talked to earlier. Her address was in our mailing list for a different name. Either they live together, or that person moved and she just happened to get the mailing. December is good for getting money. Also some thank you letters to send out for Harvest.

Ray and I had lunch at the Thai restaurant. It tasted good. I had hot tea too; love Thai tea. It was bitter cold all day, just barely reaching 40 degrees, and windy. So the warm food--soup, egg roll, tea, rice, meat and veggies--really hit the spot.

At 3, I went to the bank and then met my Mom at a new funky bookstore 3 doors up from the Last Resort. We had a great time, although anything like that is very tiring for her. They had comfy places for her to sit and I brought her books to choose from for two of her grandsons. She has her back is starting to bother her more again. She takes a second pain pill in the middle of the day and that helps. I said I think it is the cold weather, but she thinks it is just time, that it was optimistic to think the improvement was permanent. The store is called dog-eared, I think. They have old as well as new books, and a room full of records. He might give us store credit for some of our books and records. Besides gifts, I bought a book on normal memory loss. Apparently, the ability to remember names and where you left things commonly starts slipping away after middle age and is not a precursor to dementia or Alzheimer's. But I will have to read the book.

We drove to Frontier, although I think the new parking place was farther away from it than the old one. It is a very funky store, with neat things, but it has new ownership and I predict it will close, because there are fewer neat things than there were. We were looking for small candles for the angel wreath but they didn't have any.  It was very cold and windy walking back to the car.

We sat in Ray's parking lot, reading some of our new gift books. Vanessa was reading one of the Boxcar Children books--she decided it was pretty stupid. She picked out several different books for him to try, some that there are more in the series if he likes them. I looked for Redwall, but he's probably too young for that and they didn't have it. Ray came out about 5, from a faculty meeting.

We drove home and thrashed around making supper right away. I adapted a recipe for a noodle bowl that called for scallions and bean sprouts to use the one bok choy from our garden that the Captain had picked. It was pretty tasty and there was plenty of it. I was hurrying because Deb and I had agreed to go audition for Dancing at Lughnasa http://www.townandgownplayers.org/audition.php?show=108.
Leara Rhodes is directing. Cat Clayton is one of the assistant directors. We didn't have to prepare anything. We took turns reading. I read several times for the oldest sister, Kate, and it was fun. But they would have emailed me by now if I was called back, so I probably didn't get a part. I had an email from Deb and she didn't either. It's probably just as well. It's a pretty serious and depressing play, I think. We did a bit of Irish dancing, and I wasn't the best at it. I look forward to seeing it.

I was home a little before 9, had some pumpkin pie with whipped cream that had been left for me, and read a little. The Captain was watching football (Monday night) and I thought about asking him to go in his room so I could watch something else, but I started falling asleep, so went to bed instead.

Pancakes for breakfast. Ray and I picked up Don and went to the Fellowship to sing with the choir. It was an easy but nice arrangement of Dona nobis Pacem and a 'sister song." "If I could have one wish come true, it would be peace for me and you..."

After the service, Don and I went to the Benevolence Market at First Presbyterian's new fellowship hall. It is very beautiful, with high wooden arches. I couldn't help thinking, though, that the money spent on it could have helped a lot of people. Meredith and Jonathan were at the AAHS table and I came by and offered to relieve them several times, but no. We were the last singing group on the schedule at 2:30, and the crowd had really thinned out by then. Meredith packed up about 2. "Why don't you leave everything and I'll bring it when I come?" "No, it's fine." Maybe I have some awful condition that I don't know about--leprosy? They also had Santa at the Shelter Saturday morning, so Ray won't be doing it. He can trim his beard now.

We were home a little after 3. I subscribed to Consumer Reports on line ($5.95 a month; I can unsubscribe at any time, just have to remember). There was a Black & Decker toaster oven, like the one I was thinking of getting used. I called the people who had posted it on craigslist and the model number was slightly different. We drove over there and bought it anyway. The woman who was selling it appeared to have 4 or 5 children and said they were going to be leaving in an RV next year. OMG. It looked practically new. We also stopped at Target and looked at them. They are all about the same size. Some are nicer than the one we bought. It will toast 6 slices of bread at once or heat a 12 inch pizza. I suppose you can make 6 cookies in it, or maybe a pie. But I don't think we'll be using it for our Christmas roast. We stopped at Publix, too, and bought a lot of groceries. It was pretty busy.

Vanessa had made beef stew, with one pound of stew beef from Glendale Farms at the farmers market and lots of carrots and potatoes. It was yummy and I had several slices of bread. There was also a pumpkin pie left over from the party Friday night. She whipped some cream and we had that while watching back-to-back MASH. I fell asleep pretty early.

Bitter cold last night, so Ray had to drain the solar water heater. A major pain.

I woke up in a total state of hysterics about my job. I feel completely unwanted and useless. And I don't know what I can do about it. Nothing, I think. I feel old and ineffectual. I don't know what I have done wrong to make my boss think I am incapable of doing anything. The work I have to do will take me about 5-10 hours most weeks. I have asked her and asked her for more, but she always says no. Yet she constantly complains about how much she has to do.

I have had fun things to do this weekend, but as soon as I relax, it always comes back to this. What is going to happen to my job?

Yesterday morning, I went to pilates and the farmers market. After lunch, Vanessa and I went over to Nancy's house to bake some cookies. I felt a little uncomfortable, being there while they were doing things. They were so nice to my mother, helping with the timer. We left them a few cookies.

At 5, Ray and I left for dinner. We ate with Janna and Ron and Deb and John at an interesting new restaurant. It is in an old building that has been revitalized. There is a yoga studio. There was an art gallery where I bought my quilts a few years ago. The restaurant is very small. There were three tables. A beautiful hanging covers one wall. It is a beautiful space, although the seating was a little uncomfortable, benches with no back. There is an extensive wine list, much longer than the menu, all sustainably produced, most organic or biodynamic, which is a step up from organic, with no sulfites. We ordered a Syrah, which was delicious. The menu included: a mushroom pate, with pickled cherry tomatoes, little toasts, and jelly. Arugula salad. Baked acorn squash with mustard greens. Mushrooms with grit cakes. Chocolate tart. Oatmeal cookies (both with bay ice cream). Sarah makes everything herself, including the ice cream. None of it has any meat, dairy, or eggs. Also lots of tasty dense bread. Cal took our orders and we chatted with both of them a lot. The food was delicious. I think the chocolate tart was the biggest hit, with a hint of coconut.

Ray had to leave before dessert, to go work the box office at the theater. Janna and Ron went home. Deb and John brought me to the theater. Becky and Kent met us there. It was sold out. The show was the Rocky Horror Show, which I had never seen. Many things about it were quite good, but it was not really my cup of tea. The musicians drowned out the singing, although it was better in the second act. We had fun, though.

At 11:30 yesterday, my boss called a staff meeting. She handed out a new organizational chart. There is no assistant director on it. She is supposed to meet with each of us individually to give us our revised job descriptions. There is a finance manager position. Do I care what my title is? Not really. But I would like more responsibility, not less. I don't want to be a bookkeeper. Writing checks and preparing financial reports would not take me 20 hours a week. I am trying not to panic and obsess...I really like my job in a lot of ways. Yesterday, I spent an hour ordering Christmas gifts on line because I had nothing else to do.

Meanwhile, Ray was vacuuming the house within an inch of its life. We cleaned up the study so people could go in there if they needed to. We even tidied upstairs a good bit, but no one did come up here. Vanessa put greens on the mantel and set up the angel Advent wreath. We had about 30 people. We got the Kenney Ridge plates and silver from Karen Porter's garage and washed them. We used real plates, real silver, real glasses and real napkins! I put out lots of water glasses, but nobody used them. Very few people had soft drinks. We had about 2 beer drinkers. But we went through 11 bottles of wine, mostly what people brought.

It was really fun and the food was great. R.J.'s parents were here--his Dad is active on the committee now, so I heard about him a little. He has a job at Borders, at least for the holidays, which lets him pay his share of the rent. Ann D. was there--I really like her. Of course, Nancy T. came early and helped set everything up. Jenny, the president. Glen S., student and mayoral candidate. Nancy D, the new mayor. David J. was the first to arrive, with spicy dip and corn chips. An older gentleman from another county named David, who talked a lot to my parents. Anita and Barney, Mac and Brenda. James and his young friend Serenity. Randall and Carolyn. Tom and Lacy. Mehul from the Russell Edwards campaign, and very late after many had left, Russell and Airee. They wolfed down the food. They are so fun; they are heading to Puerto Rico for 10 days today. As they were leaving, Airee said she wanted the couch (the brown love seat). I said she could have it. She said tell me how much. I said you would know better than I would what it's worth. She is going to be looking for a corner cupboard to trade. She said send Amelia around, she will give her the family discount.

People said how nice it was of us to host and what a beautiful house. They want to come back in the day time...

Glen is starting a business helping people use texting for marketing. The older Camp boy just got a degree in Appropriate Technology. His parents may send him to talk to me. They know George.

We all had a great time. Ray got one load of dishes started after they left. It was still before 11 when we went to bed. I fell asleep instantly when I tried to watch TV, but then lay in bed worrying about my job. Don't know that there's much I can do. Except be glad I have a job and try to hold on by my fingernails until I retire. My father retired at 55. It seems so young now. I can't imagine never working at all.

Work was pretty boring for me, but we did get a $5000 check from a local foundation in response to some requests Meredith sent out a couple months ago. Finished up the November reimbursement requests. Now I am waiting for bills and the bank statement. Spent time looking for Thermador parts on eBay and Craigslist, no luck.

Went to lunch with Becky. Had a really nice time and good food. I was somewhat moderate and just had mac & cheese and green bean casserole, with tea. no dessert. It was good and enough. She offered to let us use her house at Christmas time. She will be gone, and will miss the Engagement Party, but may be able to meet Adrian at some point before he leaves on the 1st or 2nd.

Left a little early, delivering reimbursement requests to HED on the way home. Ray stayed because he had a Democratic committee meeting at 5:15. Vanessa had already made the chili, mostly. The Captain peeled some tomatoes to put in. They are both very cheerful and energetic, possibly from taking prednisone. I puttered around and tidied some, letting the chickens out for a while.

At 5:30, I headed to the library to pick Ray up, but his meeting wasn't over for almost an hour. I said hi to Aleta and chatted with Mary Jean. Then I went upstairs to pick out some books. I only got one, but it was recommended by one of my friends on GoodReads.

Went home, ate chili,  worked on the mess, watched TV, went to bed before 10.

I know some people have sadder things to deal with, but I am very angry and frustrated because my oven--my expensive Thermador oven---cannot be repaired or replaced. Apparently Thermador no longer makes parts for their products that are more than 5 years old. We moved into our house 6 1/2 years ago. If we had a cheap oven, we could easily get it repaired. This oven was not cheap. It has a fancy electronic panel that appears to be shorted out. The repairman can send it to be fixed, but we will have to pay whether it can be fixed or not. And we don't know how long it will take. Or how much it would cost. And the stovetop cannot be used while it is gone. All this right before Christmas and the big engagement party we are hosting on the 26th. This is putting a serious dent in my joyous anticipation of the holidays and the visitors who would be coming. Ray and my father suggest getting a crappy oven and sticking it in there. Jeez! I am not very much into appearances, but the kitchen is open to the whole house. It would really ruin it. I don't even think it would be that easy to do. And it wouldn't be vented, probably a violation of the building code. There are two other parts that have to be replaced. The element itself they have found and can install. The switch they are still looking for. The dealer told me of another person with a similar situation. She has an $8000 Pro model that can no longer broil. They are not carrying Thermador anymore because of these issues with repairing them. Even supposing I can get it all as good as new, what's to keep it from breaking again? So I considered biting the bullet and buying a new one. The closest model, she tells me, is a Jenn-Air, $2400. But it wouldn't exactly fit in the same spot. And my counter is granite. And it would need a different size pipe--all told, it might cost $5000 to replace it! OMG. Is there no way out of this mess?

Other than that, I had a nice lunch with Ray. We came home and I made turkey salad for potluck and a second batch for my parents' dinner. It was very good. I really enjoyed singing (and having Ray in choir) and it made me feel a little better. I think I am going to order a toaster oven and a hot plate.

December 1 wow! November went fast. It was busy and so is December.

Yesterday was pretty quiet at the Shelter. I worked some more on the November reimbursements, until Meredith asked me to send thank yous to people who bought things ta the auction. This is very complicated. You can only deduct the difference between what you paid and what the item you bought was worth (assuming you paid more than it was worth, which is rare). We (the Shelter) must send you a notice thanking you for your donation if that is the case, and if it was more than $75. There are actually no donors that qualify, as far as I can see, but some things are hard to put a value on (a signed poster by Widespread Panic). However, you can send letters to everyone, if you have values and can figure out which items they bought. The information I have is not complete, but I have some I can send.

I had a quick lunch at Wendy's when I went to the bank. At 3:30 I picked up Ray and we went to Kroger to get gift cards and a couple items. Then we went to vote in the run-off and home. It was very dark and rainy all day, but got over 70. It felt like tornado weather and there were thunderstorms in the evening. I was tired from not sleeping enough (and not getting enough exercise lately?), so didn't feel like cooking much. It would have been good to have an oven; I'm getting pretty grumpy about that. I chatted with Molli & amelia on line for a while, planning the engagement party, which was fun. We ate turkey soup the Captain had made and homemade bread from the freezer, as well as fruit salad he had made, watched TV and went to bed pretty early. No reading for me.