December?!

cold and gray, some rain.Warm in the house, puzzle set up by the fire. Lots to do: choosing presents, wrapping, getting them where they go. It's Hanukah, so early this year. We managed to light candles last night, the 4th night. Also missed the first Sunday of Advent. Boxes to get down from the attic. Still putting away our summer things. Not sure how we got so far behind, with so much "free time." After two days of driving to Newburyport and working for 6 hours, I am tired. Love the work, love my boss and board members and most of the clients. Just couldn't get everything done yesterday. Thank you notes and record-keeping for donations (yay), getting ready to distribute gift cards worth thousands of dollars. Beginning of every month brings inventory, counting of all personal care items in the office for clients to "shop" from. This time of year lots of donations to count and put away. When the clients come get their gift cards next week, they will want to pick up dish soap, shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant...so need to have things stocked and displayed. We have appointments, so there won't be many people in the space at once and masks are required, but want to get them in and out quickly. 

Thursdays are volunteer days. I will spend a couple of hours at Bootstraps, welcoming people to the food pantry and signing them in. They must show mail from the last 30 days with a local address and be in the computer system. This afternoon, I will also spend two hours with our food coop, distributing to members. One or two more distributions before we/they close up for the winter. 

A Christmas Carol radio play being performed live at the American Legion Friday and Saturday night. Not sure if there will be a streaming option. I am grumpy this year because nervous about a live audience who may or may not be masked or vaccinated. Director is anti-mask and half the cast is wearing them. Need to dress as 1930s radio performer. Want to do my hair on top of my head in that loose bun style that my grandmother wore, but not sure I will be able to pull it off. May settle for a hat. 

Existential Ennui

I was told once that I suffered from existential ennui, which I find both very amusing and possibly true. I have said, "if you're not depressed, you're not paying attention." It's Fall, Winter is coming. I feel restless and occasionally unhappy. Not miserable, not hating my job or my life, there are lots of good things. But things wear on me. It's impossible for adults to be carefree and happy like children, I guess. I am angry at the world. People are not behaving well. They are hurting each other, and I don't even know why. 

I am looking forward to visiting my daughter in North Carolina. We will get on a plane with other people and probably it will be fine. I have this irrational belief that if I lived there, everything would be better. But that is what a vacation is, a chance to leave the daily routine behind. 

Part of it is this house, with its boxes of old things that I cannot bear to get rid of, but don't have a space for. Old photos of dead relatives, old books that I loved, even old clothes that somebody could wear. Old knickknacks on shelves that nobody sees--except me. They weigh on me, more sometimes than others. I long to get rid of everything and start over--a house fire would do it, but I could just throw it all away. and yet...

Yesterday I went to an event for an organization I support. It was billed as a garden party. I drove to a part of town I rarely visit. The house was huge and lovely, brown shingled, set back on a big lawn with great landscaping. I looked for a way to walk around back and the owner or someone urged me to come in, just to walk through the house, the party was on the porch. As I came through, I could see the people on the porch. They were much too close for me. I could walk to the other end of the porch, but I would have to go through all the people. I said, "no that's okay, Thanks anyway," and I turned around. "It's not that bad," she encouraged me. "Maybe you can go around?" I fled. 

Standing in front of the. house, enjoying the sunshine and the wind, I got ready to leave. Someone I know from the organization came up to me. She apologized, she understood how I felt. She encouraged me, she said they would ask people to distance themselves. I went around back and climbed up the stairs to the porch. There was no one at this end. On the other hand, I was not going near the food and drink, as that was through the crowd. And I couldn't really talk to anyone from here. It seemed silly to stay. Some people said some words of welcome and encouraged people to go down on the lawn. There were even games to play. I rushed back down the steps and started playing cornhole (by myself). I was terrible and the targets seemed too far apart. Eventually, though, someone else came to play and some more people came down to the lawn. They brought a few chairs. I spoke to someone at length who had just come back from Nova Scotia. I said hello to a few others that I knew. Speeches were made and I left. Of course, everyone was wearing a mask (most of the time), but some kept slipping and being adjusted. And some people were eating and drinking and making speeches. But I was far enough away and had my mask on and we were outside. 

Quiet time

It rained off and on through the night, but no thunder or high winds, so quite peaceful. I did wake up several times...of course, I was in bed about 8:30...Ray's friend sent me a photo of them at the reunion, looking happy. If it was me, I'd be up and out of there...and probably back to Beverly by now. 

Tamara and I watched a movie, letters to Juliet, quite corny but pleasurable. We had chicken stir-fry and rice. Always nice to have help--she made the rice and cut up the broccoli and chicken, so it didn't feel like much work at all. I don't always have as much energy as I would like by dinner time. Good thing I don't have to take care of small children at the same time any more! 

Sunday is pancake day, so I made the bacon and mixed up the batter for whole wheat blueberry pancakes, using some half and half that was past its prime. Delicious! Although I miss Ray, there is a joy to cooking for myself and eating when I feel like it. He has been dutifully eating all the old pancakes from the freezer, which I was saving for some kind of emergency, or maybe just because I hate to throw them out. He should finish them sometime this week. Truly a labor of love--and counterproductive if you are trying to lose weight! I am committed to never having any left over from now on, which causes its own problems. Now I am waiting for T to come and eat, which probably will happen around 10, so I can eat the leftovers. 

I get up and wash a few dishes every 30 minutes or so. I want to have a clean kitchen, but I am leery of my back hurting. Standing seems to be the worst for it. The last time it spasmed and I had to lie down was after prepping some green beans for the freezer--not that difficult, but apparently too much for my back. 

I had yoga on Friday and I think that is good for it, strengthening my core and other muscles, but I am often achy afterwards, so not sure. 

Tamara and I went kayaking yesterday for just a little while--45 minutes maybe? It was warm but overcast. There was some choppiness, but not a lot of wind. I always enjoy getting out there on the water, it's very relaxing to me. It's great to have her help with carrying the kayaks down to the water; I can't really do that by myself. And she helped me get out, maybe the hardest part. This is the second time I've crossed the channel. It wasn't very busy yesterday. As a kayaker, I wait on the shore side of the big red can buoy and make sure no vessels are coming from either direction (like crossing the street) before paddling hard to get all the way across. It was fine yesterday, there wasn't much traffic, and I think most skippers would do their best to avoid us, but I prefer not to make that difficult. On the other side of the channel, we can wend our way among the moored boats. I generally ignore the motorboats and admire the sailboats. "That one's too big," I'll say to Tamara. "I couldn't count on handing it myself. But it should be big enough that I can take a friend or two." I'm not likely to get a sailboat--too expensive, too much trouble, one more thing to worry about. But Tamara says, "if you had a boat, what would you name it?" "That's a fun thing to think about," I say. "Maybe something French." I pause, thinking, "or Peace. No," I say, "I would call it the Annie B, after my Mom." 

Saturday afternoon

    I have 35 minutes until the cake is done. How much can I write in 35 minutes? Tomorrow is my Dad's 94th birthday. His favorite birthday cake has nuts and candied fruit in it. I never liked it much, sometimes it's a little dry and crumbly. He doesn't eat nuts and professes not to like desserts or sweets. He did, however, suggest that I could make him a white cake without nuts. In my research I found that a truly white cake has a lot of egg whites in it. I object to wasting a bunch of egg yolks. If I were having a dinner party like we used to do, I would make zabaglione with the egg yolks--it's basically Marsala and egg yolks--and sugar--chilled in fancy glasses, very rich and elegant. One or two egg yolks you can throw in scrambled eggs or pancakes. But 12-14 egg whites is a lot. I found a recipe for daffodil cake (McCall's Best Daffodil Cake). This uses some of the egg yolks (5) for a yellow cake with a little lemon zest that is marbled with the white cake in a tube pan or a Bundt pan (not sure the difference at the moment). Other advantages--no greasing the pan, no frosting! Hopefully, it will be beautiful and delicious and could become a new tradition. In any case, it fills the bill. I had about 4 egg whites left from other recipes (they keep a long time and I usually make meringues with them every now and then). So I only put about 9 egg whites in, rather than 12-14. It beat up most impressively and will probably be great. I also only sifted the cake flour a couple times, instead of the 5 it called for. And used a lot less lemon zest. I'll report back. 

    Today is Michael's birthday. Michael is my son-in-law since almost a month ago. Michael and his son (and my daughter) will come for dinner tomorrow night. If it is as nice tomorrow as it is today, we will eat dinner outside. We might cook some of the food on the grill. The menu has to be pretty limited, since my Dad does not eat many things. We can have green beans or yellow squash. The yellow squash could be cooked on the grill, so that's kind of fun. I'm thinking pork roast or pork tenderloins, but I still need to buy them and then marinate or rub them. For carbs, no rice (who can't eat rice?). I would make potato salad, but that might be hard on his digestion. No milk product, so no mashed potatoes...macaroni would be okay, but not macaroni salad and no cheese...so just plain potatoes I guess. 

(Oh, Dad's back from his swim; he went to the beach and said it was warmer than he expected. It is a lovely time of year here, early Fall. The ocean is warmer than in the early summer and the air is still pleasant.)

My husband is attending his 50th high school reunion. I could have joined him, but committed to attending the Massachusetts state Democratic party caucus. It was all on line, but I didn't know that at first. Lots of heartfelt speeches and hope for the future. We'll see. I did have a little nap afterwards, but Dad was calling for me. I never nap, so can hardly blame him for waking me up. He wanted to know why he didn't get the voice messages that people had left him. He did have one important message from last Wednesday, which he was going to return right away, but I pointed out that the message said to call back Monday through Friday 7-7... Then I had to test his phone, which was working but the volume was turned all the way down. He didn't know how he could have done that, but I pointed out that the volume was on the side and it was pretty easy to do. He said he never knew the volume knobs were there, but I think he did once. I guess there's no reason to get him a new phone, it might be harder for him to learn to use it. I can barely figure this one out, it's so old. Needless to say, it's not a smart phone. 

Today is Paturday. or is it Patturday? Every other Saturday morning, I leave the house early and get to Michael's about 6. His son is an early riser (and so am I), but my daughter and her husband like to sleep in on a Saturday morning. My grandson (by marriage) and I often play games, like Monopoly or Uno. Today he was teaching me a game I was not really excited about (Isaac and the 4 souls?). It seemed a little creepy, something he likes and I don't. (Also Michael likes and my daughter doesn't.) But we had a mission today. There were 4 bags of assorted Legos in the garage--big black plastic trash bags. My daughter had gone by The Container Store yesterday and bought a piece of plastic furniture--9 rainbow-colored drawers. The boy and I spent about 2 hours sorting the Legos into the right drawers--and we only got through half of the first bag! The color with the most Legos? Gray. There was not a gray drawer, of course, but we repurposed the pink drawer, not having any pink Legos. Purple was used for brown, and teal for white--and black. Not my system, but it worked, In fact, I thought we should sort them by shape. But he was sure they had been sorted by color before. 

Aside from my biweekly gift of spending time with his son, and the dinner tomorrow night, a start on sorting the Legos will have to do. 

Nearly normal?

It is starting to feel again like COVID is not the only thing to worry about. This is good. It is certainly one of my major concerns, but climate change is another. We were at a memorial service yesterday evening. Lots of people we hadn't seen in ages, many dealing with their own issues (thinking of a friend whose young adult daughter has a virulent form of cancer and others with health issues), coming out to support Nat and his family. His wife Stephanie died after 8 years of Alzheimer's, which they couldn't help but talk about, at 74. Yup, I could be starting to have it right now. She was fired from her job and had to leave a nursing career that meant a lot to her, mainly because she couldn't learn a new computer system, which is the kind of thing that often first indicates Alzheimer's. Both her parents had it, so her younger sister was not completely surprised, but devastated. Two children adopted from Colombia. 

The son described what their family was like growing up: he got a goat from Heifer International for Christmas when he was 7. I could identify, although that has been more recent for us. Those values are our values. 

Anyway, going to a memorial service with friends and acquaintances and strangers felt normal and helped me sort of recalibrate to post-COVID (?) life. The service was outside under a big tent. People were masked except when sitting at their tables with other vaccinated people. Our table had the 3 of us and one other couple. It was a beautiful evening, sunny to start with, but not too hot. There were sandwiches and spreads afterward (no dessert). We walked around the grounds briefly. It was a place I had not been called Long Hill and I look forward to going again. https://thetrustees.org/place/long-hill/

It is a lovely time of year here and there is an annual event called Trails and Sails that showcases many of the local parks and cultural places with free activities, self-guided tours. We have participated 3 years, I think, and it gets us out into the community to discover new treasures of our part of the world. I am happy to go again and love having choices that I can change based on the weather (or the pandemic--lots of outdoor and self-paced activities). https://trailsandsails.org/events/

The sad thing about the change in seasons is that it appears to be too cool for swimming and kayaking now. We will see. There is a group that goes kayaking in wetsuits, but I am not ready to do that. It sounds unpleasant (and one more thing to pay for). Time to take the window AC units out and think about bringing in some firewood. Maybe set up another puzzle! 

One thing I have reinstituted (in my mind) is my intention to go away at least once a month. It is not always completely pleasant and stress-free, but does feel like it's important for my mental health, giving me new experiences to think about, and a change of scenery. One of the challenges is whether or not to invite my Dad, who often thinks he wants to go with us, but sometimes regrets it. His digestion has been good lately. I urged him to keep a journal, so he can look back at how long these good spells last, since he complains when he is having trouble and feels like it will last forever. Whether or not he has dementia or something else, time seems to be a little hard to keep track of. I can identify, to some extent. Of course, he was not interested in my advice, but sometimes I find if I repeat it enough times, he will decide it's a good idea. If we go without him, we will probably also go without Tamara. He would not want us to take the dog anywhere, since he provides company, but I do not want him to be responsible for walking him. And leaving him alone seems more and more like a bad idea. 

It is pleasantly cool this morning after a thunderstorm in the night. 

Almost Fall Again

It's not hot, I'll give it that. I do wish it weren't 100% humidity out. I like to open a few windows in the morning and let the ocean breeze blow through the house, wafting away the odors of people that accumulate overnight while it's closed up. It's a quiet Saturday, early but light out. If I stand in the dining room and look toward where the ocean is, I can't see it, just the white blankness that is fog. Even the birds are a little quieter, waiting to see if it's still there. I really like living near the ocean, but I would like it better if there were not so many houses nearby, between me and the sea, crowded up next to me. Of course, now, at 7:30, it's still quiet. I tend to take the ocean for granted, I don't visit it every day, or swim very often, but I love knowing it's there. Would I like being on an island, with no one else around? I've read books about that, but it seems lonely. Looking for the balance. I don't want to be any further from my daughter and her family, just all these other people. 

Beverly is delightful in so many ways. We are members of the Cabot Theater, 100 years old. They have restored it and updated it--new seats, new HVAC. It has been closed for most of the pandemic, with shows scheduled outdoors at a nearby historic farm. They have been showing a few movies, but last night was the first live show in about 18 months: Madeleine Peyroux (and Joan Osborne). Osborne is my great-grandfather's middle name, but I don't know why--no relatives apparent with that name. As members, we got free tickets and a reception. Ray bought me some bourbon at the cash bar, but there wasn't exactly what I wanted for a mixer--I settled on soda. In a plastic cup, with almost enough ice. There were thick slices of beef tenderloin on baguette, peapods with chicken salad, deviled eggs (Ray's favorite) and more baguette with figs and mascarpone--excellent! We had eaten a small dinner, asparagus frittata, knowing there would be food at the show. 

Madeleine Peyroux has an incredible voice and distinctive style. We first heard her in Athens and this is the second time in Beverly. She must be 50 or so, but she seems timeless to me. She was wearing shiny leggings--not leather, something slinkier--and an overblouse. Her hair was short, to her chin, and dark. She's heavier now, but stands tall. The band was wonderful, too: keyboard, drum, bass, occasional harmonica. They all had gray/white hair, so I suspect they have been with her awhile. She played guitar some and had a easy manner, making obvious jokes (this guitar was tuned when I bought it) and chatting. She didn't say the predictable things the opening act did--thank you for taking precautions, we need live music...but somehow gave off a positive "vibe." I think the only song she performed that I had heard before was her second encore. I admit I dozed a little. It was late for us, since we are often in bed by 9. We did manage to get home by 11, so not too bad. 

It felt pretty safe, no one sitting in front of us, an empty seat to my left, the wall to Ray's right. Everyone had to show proof of vaccination and ID. The man ahead of us had no wallet, not sure whether they let him in. Everyone was masked most of the time. The worst was the bathroom, cramped and crowded although every one was trying to not get too close. Here's hoping. 

We got back from our biannual family reunion about 3 weeks ago, this time in Maine. Tamara's friend Daniela flew back to Mexico the next week. Tamara was very unhappy. She was particularly angry because she had thought her friend was staying longer and, in fact, had bought tickets to a concert they were supposed to see together. The weather was changing and winter was (is) coming. I wanted to do something for me, too. Old age is also coming and I will not enjoy traveling as much soon. We had been to Acadia National Park, but it seemed the closest extraordinary place we could experience. It was still a ways away, and places to stay nearby were full and/or expensive. I found a couple places that were about halfway and determined we could drive there to spend the night and go the rest of the way the next day and then back to the rental and home the next day. Tamara and Ray and my Dad were on board. 

I asked Molli if she and Michael wanted to come. She said they had been planning to take Declan to Legoland, an amusement park about an hour north of NYC (and more than four hours from here). So I found some places to stay near there. The countryside was lovely. Tamara said she didn't think she wanted to go since there was nothing to do. This, to me, was the point, but she was entitled to her opinion. Then I found the Renaissance Faire nearby and she was very happy about that. Everybody was ready to commit, so I reserved a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath home in Tuxedo Park, New York. 

We will skip over the part where Declan and Michael got COVID and I thought they would not be coming, but we couldn't get our money back. In the end, they were well enough to travel and cleared of quarantine. In fact, they were somewhat protected from catching it! Tamara took a day off from work, since I did not want us to drive in the dark and arrive late at night. Ray also told H&R Block he could not work that day. We arranged for a dog sitter (adding Osa, Molli's dog, at the last minute). We borrowed my Dad's car as being more comfortable than our Prius C. We were tempted to take the electric car and find somewhere to charge it where we ate lunch, but we decided that with my Dad, that might be too stressful. 

We didn't get going quite as early as we thought--we were aiming for 10 and left by 11:30, I think it was. Ray is very deliberate in how he does things, including wanting to bathe after packing the car and right before we leave. There was no real hurry, however, just the thought that we should get there early enough to avoid Friday rush hour traffic. We stopped for lunch at a Friendly's. We had brought sandwiches, except for my Dad, who ate half of mine, which was fine. Ray wanted a fish-a-ma-jig and we all had Fribbles (milkshakes). We went in to order and use the restroom. The milkshakes were ready in a reasonable time, but the fish sandwich (and fries) took almost an hour. Friendly's was never fast food...and probably understaffed like almost everywhere these days. We stood around in the parking lot. The weather was good. 

We stopped a second time to use the bathroom at a somewhat ratty gas station in New York. The sign on the bathroom door said Only for Customers--the code is on your receipt. I looked pleadingly toward the employee and he said, "it's open." I was very pleased, but a little nagging voice did say, "white privilege," or maybe old white lady privilege. After me, Tamara and my Dad went and finally Ray. I think he got coffee too, so then we felt we should buy some (expensive) gas. Dad's car is a hybrid, too, so it only took half a tank. 

We crossed the Hudson and were amazed at how beautiful the scenery was and how different from "home," which is now eastern Massachusetts. Long lines of low rounded mountains covered with trees. Following the GPS instructions on my phone, we found the house. It was beautiful. Very open, post and beam construction, with windows opening onto a landscaped rocky hillside with trees and flowers. The kitchen had tiled counters and all the amenities and there was a great big dining table, plus a comfy living room and even a game table. 

Interestingly enough, there was a car in the drive and I thought the owner must be around, but he wasn't. The instructions for getting in? The key is under the mat. He lives at the house, unlike some Air B&B's we have used, so his food was in the refrigerator and there were several locked closets and rooms. We managed to fit our perishables in and the rest of the food stayed on the counter. We weren't staying long or planning to do a lot of cooking. 

In fact, the first thing we did, after checking out the house and unpacking, was go out to dinner. We drove to Helm, on Lake Greenwood, through winding roads. I would say it was a local dive bar, based on some of the people we saw. But we were able to eat outside and the food was good. There was even a young woman named Chloe Bee, who sang familiar songs (pop standards? Billy Joel, Elton John, Carole King) seated behind an electric keyboard. She was great and we gave her $5. (piano man?). There weren't many masks in evidence, but we were outside and not close to anyone else. My Dad ordered a great big charcuterie board and Tamara poutine. Ray had steak frites. There was plenty of food and I didn't order anything (except a Sangria). We still have some of the cheese left over. Did we have dessert? I can't remember. An unexpectedly pleasant dinner. 

When we got back to the house, M&M&D had just arrived. They unpacked and got settled and we went to bed about 9. Their trip had gone well, too. In the morning, it was Patturday. This is a routine where I drive to Molli's house early on Saturday mornings every other week to play games with him and let M&M sleep in a little. In this case, I was already at the same house. Declan and I played several games that we had brought--he was drawn to things he hadn't played before like Yacht Race. His strategy--go over all the Sailor's Lucks. Mine? Use up my wind change cards undoing the things Sailor's Luck had caused, before the first buoy. I was a good bit ahead of him and he declined to finish the game. I don't usually insist that he finish. I think we played Parcheesi as well, and maybe Mille Bornes. 

My Dad got up and wanted coffee. I told him I did not know anything about the coffee situation. He needed a pot to boil an egg. He wanted to know if there was bread for toast. Soon Ray got up and he made some coffee, which turned out pretty badly. The owner had asked that we not use his food. This becomes a somewhat philosophical question. I am pretty sure it's okay to use some salt and pepper. The bananas left in the bowl? Maybe not, but Dad helped himself. Did I bring any yogurt? I did. He ate out of the container. Fortunately, I had eaten mine, but I did not take the remainder home with me. 

Looking forward and looking back

I was tidying up this morning and put away a light jacket I had worn yesterday. It was really cool yesterday, in the 60s. I looked at the coats in my closet and thought about what it would be like in January. My brain had trouble imagining being miserably cold. We've had days that were miserably hot and so muggy, it seems impossible that I would ever be too cold. Fortunately, my house will keep me warm. I can make soups and bake to keep it warm, too. 

It's been hard this summer, stressful for lots of reasons. We've had some good outside times. I kayaked over to Collins Cove to be part of a swim-a-thon. I just watched the swimmers as they went by to make sure they were not in distressed, along with other kayakers and paddleboarders. I wondered if I would be able to swim a mile or two, and thought perhaps that was not something I would try. There were categories for with a wetsuit and without, although the water did not seem that cold to me. 

A week ago, I was packing up to leave Maine after spending 4 days there with my family. It was really great in a lot of ways and I miss them all now. The children are mostly grown up and good company. We all feel fortunate that none of us seems to disagree about most things, like politics and vaccinations. People of good will can always find things to care passionately about, however, like the foods that other members of the group eat or don't eat. And who feels like they are doing the most work without being appreciated. My style is to cook and bake and shop ahead and bring boxes of supplies. There were 16 of us, however. Other people like to run to the store, sometimes twice a day. It was close by and might be an excuse for them to get a break from the crowd. 

It was pouring when we left and people from New Mexico had their flights cancelled (Hurricane Henri). It turned out, though, that we were fortunate and did not have any major problems except getting home a little later than expected. I rode with my nephew and all the boxes of food that had to be brought back. His company is very pleasant and we spent the trip talking about ancestors, mainly. My helpful phone told us to get off the highway because it was backed up and take a detour through small towns in Maine, near Wells and Kittery, which was fun, except for the fact that it was raining so hard, and I was a little afraid I might come to a flooded area. 

August is the best month

We had a crazy hot June, a really wet July, but August (so far) seems awesome! No AC for several days. We had 60s at night and high 70s most days. now it's 79... the water in the ocean is warmer and I went kayaking and swimming today. I love being on the water. I paddled around among the moored boats, said hi to a few people, read the names, admired some of them...

I am still working 2 part-time jobs. The "good" one is 2 days a week--the only negative is being on the road about an hour and a half (45 minutes each way). Some days I stop at the grocery store on my way home and break it up. Sometimes I go on route 1A through the small towns of Ipswich and Rowley, past the downtowns and the town commons, over the river, past the salt marsh, by the old houses and the farm stands. Pretty great, although maybe less so in the winter... 

I have a nice new Nissan Leaf, an electric car with fancy features, so I can put on the cruise control and feel pretty safe, and not use any gas. 

The "bad" job is temporary. I've been there four months and they are interviewing for a replacement, but it's not as great. The good thing is it's about a 5 minute drive over the bridge from my house. I've even walked it once. It's not social work, but it is a non-profit, a great organization and I do bookkeeping for them. It is sometimes stressful. I spent more than 8 hours Monday trying to reconcile one checking account, but I finally did it! I pay bills, print checks, mail them, enter stuff in QuickBooks. Most of the people are pretty nice, but my boss and her boss are a little stressful (to me and others).  She has a lot going on at home and is a stickler (as financial officers should be). I will be a little sad to say goodbye to the income and the organization, but working two 6-hour days at something I enjoy sounds like a great retirement to me. I just wish it would happen while there's still some nice summer!

Marge Piercy - To be of use (a favorite poem of mine)

The people I love the best

jump into work head first

without dallying in the shallows

and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.

They seem to become natives of that element,

the black sleek heads of seals

bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,

who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,

who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,

who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge

in the task, who go into the fields to harvest

and work in a row and pass the bags along,

who are not parlor generals and field deserters

but move in a common rhythm

when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.

Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.

But the thing worth doing well done

has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.

Greek amphoras for wine or oil,

Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums

but you know they were made to be used.

The pitcher cries for water to carry

and a person for work that is real.

Holiday

The last time I had a day off, I took a trip I had delayed from the year before. It was fun, but a little stressful. Days off before that, working 5 days a week was new and I didn't really want time off. But today, I am happy to have extra unscheduled time. That doesn't mean I won't fill it up with activities, but I am enjoying the illusion of rest and choice. It doesn't hurt that it's cool, but not too cool and sunny but not hot. A gentle breeze and blue skies. Not a beach day, really, but a day to be outside and comfortable. And I appreciate that some people don't have the day off and have to work--thanks, hospital staff, etc. I also know that it's tough when you want to work but don't have a job--and other people are celebrating not working! 

Living

 I want to live the Urban Life--picking up pastries, walking to the post office, taking the train to downtown...but I feel claustrophobic being so close to my neighbors. I don't like hearing them and seeing them so much and I want to have a garden and some green space around my home. 

June

We had a crazy hot spell, over 90 for several days in a row, hotter here than in North Carolina. Now it is cool, though, high 50s, and rainy. It's clearing, though, I think. I spent a few hours this Saturday morning working on the books for the church and I feel pretty good about how everything looks. Still more to do before the end of the month (and the fiscal year), but much better than it was. 

Working 5 days a week is good, but it does cut into the time I have for volunteer work and cooking...Last Saturday, we celebrated Molli's birthday (she was 35 June 4, my youngest child). I got up early and baked a chocolate cake at her request. I meant to do it the day before, but after work on Friday is just not a great time for me to do anything! I had stopped at a super nursery and bought her strawberry plants, as well as 3 blueberry bushes for our back yard. It looked like it might rain, so I wanted to get them in the ground right away. And after that, not enough energy for the cake. So, Saturday morning early, I baked 3 chocolate layers. I took them out of the oven to cool. Ray got up and I asked him to take them out of the pans for me in 10 minutes or so. 

Then I drove to Molli's house about 7:30 am and found D and his father. D had a terrible cold or maybe bad allergies. He and I played Monopoly. I got a second set of dice for me and had him put his money in a pile on the table, so I didn't handle it after him. His father went to the drugstore for cough medicine and made him take it, a difficult process involving a fair amount of gagging and some M&M's as a reward. He constantly blew his nose and dumped the slightly-used Kleenexes into a bag at his side. Needless to say, I did not get super-close to him, but we did play a game together for an hour or so. 

We planted Molli's strawberry plants and showed them to her...she was pleased and set about constructing a chicken wire fence to protect them. It was very hot but she stayed out most of the morning. I scurried home and made the frosting, gathered the other things I needed and Ray and my Dad, and headed back to Lynn. Ray made some cole slaw (Michael made mayonnaise for it), Michael grilled the steaks and burgers I brought. D and I shucked the corn, something he had never done before. He was curious as to what was under the kernels... We had a lovely lunch, with air conditioning of course, and said goodbye. Molli, Michael and D and Tamara went to the Aquarium with Michael's sister and her family. D has no brothers and sisters, so cousins are especially important to him. 

Ray and I drove to another car dealership to try to obtain a Leaf. The one we had come to see was gone (it was red). We found it particularly hard to buy a car that was not black or gray or silver or white. We were reminded of how difficult it is to buy a car right now--a combination of things mainly related to the pandemic. In particular, new cars have chips that are suddenly hard to get. We headed home and made some phone calls. 

On Monday, while I was at work, Ray and Tamara drove to Medford and were able to lease a dark blue 2021 Leaf. It was pretty extravagant, in a year of deprivation...it has many new technological features, which I hope do not fail (idea for story...all the cars' computerized systems are programmed to fail at the same time...). When activated, the car slows down when it comes close to another vehicle ahead, it beeps and vibrates when getting near the middle or edge of the road...it also has navigation and music and syncs with my phone, of course. It's very comfortable and pleasant to drive and can go over 200 miles before it needs another charge. All for $45,000! I admit to some ambivalence, but it does bring me joy...we won't buy any gas ever and other maintenance is minimal as well (no oil changes). It makes my drive to Newburyport and back much more fun. 

Sunny Sunday morning

It's sunny so early, and the birds are noisy if the windows are open, which they have been for the last couple nights. It's hard to sleep in, not that I am much good at that anyway! It feels like summer, the kind of summer day when I was a kid and you woke up and had a beautiful day ahead of you, to just get up and wander outside, where we had a lawn that was mowed. 

It's quiet here this morning. Tamara is not often up this early, especially on a Sunday, but it feels different, having her away for the night. She passed her driving test this week and asked to drive to Newton to attend a Rainbow event and stay with her friend JennAnn. It's nice for everybody, although I do miss the energy she has brought. 

Ray and I watched Notting Hill last night, an old movie with Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts that I thought I had seen, but maybe hadn't. It's quite hokey, and I find that really romantic movies sometimes make me sad. I think about my (life-long) relationship and it doesn't quite measure up. Of course, that's because movies are fiction. I feel like my husband doesn't love me that much, or, for that matter, I don't love him that much. It feels a little bit like I've settled for a "good-enough" relationship. But, honestly, many people don't have even that. And maybe it's partly because of movies and books that make you believe in a kind of "true love" that doesn't really exist--or perhaps only rarely. There are some historical examples of people who gave up everything--or their lives--to be with someone else. But maybe that's not the whole story either. 

We went to Molli's yesterday morning and had coffeecake she had just made with D. It was tasty. Then the five of us drove to Saugus Iron Works, a national historic site. It was not open, whether due to COVID or a seasonal schedule. But the grounds were open. It is quite interesting, in the middle of a residential neighborhood, but it used to be in the middle of nowhere. In the 1600s, it was built on a waterway that led to Boston. Now it's silted up and boats could not come. It was sort of a precursor to the Industrial Revolution, "mass producing" nails and pots and other things that had been made by individual blacksmiths one at a time. There is a building that remains from that time and waterwheels. D could run around, Ray could read signs and we all had a lovely time. We'll come back some time when it's open and we can go in the buildings and there will be interpreters. It reminded me of places I went with my parents as a kid, like Louisbourg, and places we took our kids too. Ah, tradition! So glad there are historic places preserved. As a side note, at least one of our ancestors worked there, an indentured servant/prisoner of war Scotsman captured and sent here (instead of them having to feed him in jail or kill him). 

Just right

I have been neither too hot nor too cold the last few days. It is lovely to realize that I have not been thinking about my body's discomfort. My back has not been hurting, nor my feet. Things we can take for granted. I know I am lucky in many ways. The question becomes: what should I do with that great gift, the gift of comfort, wealth, health? It is then that I know I should write...let someone else do the dishes, plan the meals...

Sunny and warm!

This is an unusual afternoon post. Many things have been happening. I will be performing Friday night with the rest of the cast of Ladies Day. I think this is probably the end of a long, somewhat odd run for a historical presentation of speeches and songs from the time when the fate of Votes for Women depended on the Tennessee legislature. I have learned a ton about the movement for suffrage, and that there was widespread opposition to it...from women! "Ultimately, politics will destroy woman as we know her and love her...Women who reject their assigned separate sphere must be something less than complete women," are just two of the fascinating quotes from the show. Songs include, "It's Up to a Man.." and "Alcoholic Blues." I also continue to learn about myself and what I can do if I push a little out of my comfort zone. 

Tamara went to Greenfield, a couple hours away, to take her driver's test again. Ray drove her, and she drove back. This will make our lives much easier. It's fairly complicated to coordinate between my schedule, Ray's, and Tamara's. Ray is going to stop working at HRB for a while after tomorrow. He will be teaching an online class for the University of Georgia one more time this summer, and then he'll go back to Block. Tamara had two days of training for her job renting paddleboards and kayaks with Coast to Coast. Aaron is one of the nicest people I know, so she enjoyed it very much--getting paid to be outside and get wet! 

The biggest news is that Daniela was offered a job at GUS, Tamara's other job. Now she needs to get a visa very soon so she can come here for the summer. Our household is growing, and we are delighted. She is a lovely girl and a dear friend of Tamara's, so they will have a lot of fun together--and hopefully be somewhat helpful for us. Stay tuned! 

Meanwhile, I continue to have two part-time jobs that are quite different from each other. One is very nearby and I walked home today, about 45 minutes, over the bridge. Not bad on a sunny but not too hot day, when I did not need to hurry and was wearing sneakers and a hat. The other is a 45-minute drive, but it is a very pretty drive. I only go on Fridays at the moment, but will probably have to go twice a week before too long. My boss has hinted at it and will be fully vaccinated before long. I rather like my quiet Fridays and working from home on Tuesdays, but he thinks we work better together. We'll see. My social work license lapsed, after I worked so hard to get it. But I haven't done the classes I needed to renew it, plus it is not cheap. I only need it for the Newburyport job and at the moment, I have little contact with clients, so I am okay with it, although they like to say they have licensed social workers on staff. I'm not beating myself up about it...it's been a crazy time and I'm not that clear on my future at the moment. 

Happy Mothers' Day!

 I had a lovely day with my daughter who lives 20 minutes away and other family members. I was a little cross at the start, because everyone slept in and I ate my pancakes and bacon alone. It was a beautiful morning, though. By the time church and coffee hour were done (early, maybe 'cause people wanted to get to Mother's Day activities), I was getting annoyed again. No sign of Molli and no word from her. I ate leftovers. Tamara was up, though, and vacuumed the house. Unfortunately, the vacuum cleaner seems to have died in the middle...Ray couldn't fix it. Maybe the motor burned out. 

Molli came and Michael joined us later. My Dad was feeling very good, enough to be annoying. Molli and I worked several hours and finished the puzzle, with Tamara joining in at the end. She also worked in the backyard some. As we clear old leaves and debris, the small space seems much larger. We played Yacht Race (Ray napped most of the afternoon) and had a roast beef dinner before they left. Michael had to go before the game was over, but he won with Molli playing for him. I was almost second, except for some Sailor's Luck. 

Saturday I spent most of the day on church finances. With the annual meeting coming out, reports need to be prepared and the budget for next year. 

Friday

 Friday, TGIF. I remember when Friday was the end of the work week, a sigh of relief. I like Fridays now because I go to Newburyport. But I'm torn. Even though I only work 6 hours, I spend two more hours driving to and from. And Fridays, especially Friday afternoons, tend to have worse traffic. Friday is a good day because it is when I see my family. Every week at 7:15, my sisters and daughters and I meet on Zoom. It is good to look forward to and marks that end-of-the-week-celebration feeling. As my life is getting busier, though, it is one more thing on the calendar...There is a Market Basket grocery store on my way home from Newburyport. It seems efficient to stop there, even though it means I get home even later on Fridays. Last Friday, I missed that window because I wanted to be with Molli as she looked over a venue for her wedding reception in August (which we will pay for). If I don't get going early enough, the traffic in the morning heading up to Newburyport makes me late, so then I need to stay later...a vicious circle? Now I have been without brown sugar for a whole week and other things are joining the list. I am out of yogurt, plain and sweetened! And last night, I used up the last of the whipped cream in a can and Ray and Tamara finished the ice cream. I must stop at the store today! 

On the other hand, I am in this play. I like this play, I am proud of the people involved for staying with it during the pandemic year. We have been rehearsing on Zoom Wednesday nights. Last week I had a budget meeting for the Church on Wednesday that I couldn't miss. I made my excuses in advance. Apparently, they decided to have a live outdoor rehearsal on Sunday and no one told me. Rats! I am so torn. I really need the non-virtual practice and review of the music and blocking. On the other hand, my Sundays are pretty full. They would rehearse again this Sunday, but it's Mothers' Day. So we are rehearsing at 5:30 on Friday. Yup, tonight. After my day of work and driving, after going to the grocery store, before my special Zoom date...AND today is an important day for Tamara. It marks 6 years since she first came here. 14 years old, with her mother gone a year and a half, after being neglected by her brother who was supposedly caring for her. She didn't really know what was going on, but he left her with Molli and went back to Mexico. She started school (it was the end of the year obviously) and began learning more English--the hard way or the easy way, depending on how you look at it. She is a tough cookie and a survivor and has grown so much--obviously the hard way. I wanted to have a special dinner/celebration for her, but we will settle for ordering pizza, which is kind of a big deal for us now. 

So, Friday is not as much of a treat for me, because I have several obligations hanging over me. I need to go to the church office for several hours tomorrow morning and clear up some bookkeeping issues and prepare for the annual meeting. There are things I need to do for Amelia's business as well. I have a Zoom meeting at 5 (?) with my friends from Georgia. Tamara needs to go to Rhode Island to get the rest of her possessions--a mini-fridge, some boxes of linens...

I routinely get stressed about the state of my house. There are boxes that need to be dealt with, there are books and clutter to put somewhere. This time of year, there is yard work to do. I managed to spend about an hour yesterday afternoon, pulling grass from the beds in front of my house. It is a hopeless task. I haven't gotten all the roots yet in the years I have worked on it. It was sunny with a cool breeze yesterday, but I think Saturday will be colder again. I am tired of not having weather warm enough to be outside. I have not even walked to the beach in months. Although I very much like having Tamara here (she is good company, usually cheery, and sometimes helpful: she washed the dog yesterday!), there is always someone around--her, my Dad, my husband...perhaps I am more introverted than I used to be. I look forward to Sunday, when Ray drives to the Cape to be with his family. His mother sleeps most of the time now, but he hopes to catch her awake at some point. It may be the last time. I want to make a photo book for her, but haven't done it yet. It will be an exhausting day for him, but maybe rejuvenating for me. 

Cold and Rainy Spring

 Ah, Spring! sunny days...? nope. Rain and more rain and cold temperatures are keeping us indoors. The last two days we've sat in front of the fire in the afternoons, working on the puzzle, which I am determined to finish soon. Tamara and Dad play gin rummy, but he usually wins, to the point that it's less fun. He wants to win, but not because she isn't good at it! 

I worked about 6 hours in Salem, and ended my day bringing checks to Annie, the director, to sign, which I do about twice a month, depending on the urgency. Home by 3, I made a cake, Sour Cream Raisin Pound Cake, which was tasty. Ray did the dishes and helped with supper. 

Part Zombie today

 Hi, I'm fine. I just stayed up late last night (for me), and didn't sleep much the night before. I slept hard last night and woke up kind of in a fog. 

We had our first softball game last night. We lost, but it was fun. We scored lots of runs. I would say our defense was more the problem, except I guess you don't say that in softball. Anyway, I didn't play. I was the "manager," keeping track of the batting order. I was kind of keeping track of the runs, too, but didn't do that perfectly. At one point, I think we were behind 10-13, but after that it may have gotten worse. I think their good hitters were in a clump and our good hitters were in a clump and we zigzagged. Some of our team members have not played in many years and none have played much in a couple years (pandemic). It was cold and dark with a light steady rain. People who were running were not cold. Molli and Michael played well. Tamara came and watched, all bundled up with blankets and jackets. She drove me home and we left Ray to find a ride. Then Molli called--turns out Tamara had Michael's phone and wallet and keys... so we didn't get to bed until almost 11 and I slept until 6:30. 

Grumpy Sunday morning

Maybe I overdid yesterday. Maybe I need breakfast--if someone else would get up, we could cook the pancakes I've mixed up. It's 7:30 and pretty soon I'll cook pancakes for myself! 

After a morning of computer bookkeeping challenges, I drove to Lynn at 2 to participate in a caravan rally/protest. As usual with these events, we didn't actually pull out until after 3:30. So, standing around in a parking lot, waving banners, taping signs to cars, keeping my distance. One nice young man introduced himself as Neil and stuck his hand out to shake. I said, "we don't do that now," and felt very antisocial. We were outside, wearing masks and fully vaccinated, but still...I offered my elbow and we bumped.

I was there, in part, because Tamara had committed to giving out flyers about vaccinations. I left a small pile in the Market Basket and gave a few to people. Most had received vaccines and some said no thank you, like it was a choice they had made...

The caravan drove slowly from Market Basket up a long street heading north (Western Avenue, which, amusingly, intersects with Eastern near Molli's house). We were supposed to go a steady 10 MPH. The police had blocked every intersection, but people managed to get in line ahead of me, and they don't know they're not supposed to stop at the lights. After we turned on Eastern, we were stopped at a light and then at the next intersection, the policeman was telling us to come ahead, but i could see the caravan had turned right. I just went home. 

I had somewhere else to go at 5, so I thought I might as well get back. Ray and I got our sneakers on and headed to the park to practice softball with our friends from church. It was good to be outside with people we hadn't seen in over a year. No softball season last year. I designated myself catcher. It's still a lot of exercise for me, but doesn't require as much running (or skill). I don't have to do anything if the pitcher does a good job and the batter hits the ball. I am definitely not going to be able to catch any popups or forced outs at home, but the pitcher will cover for me if he can. I still have to hit the ball and run to first base, unless they can get me a designated runner. 

Then we got Thai takeout. So after talking about it, I feel less grumpy. Also T just got up and is walking both dogs, while I start the pancakes. So yay! 

Work life

Worked in Salem yesterday about 6 hours. It's pretty strange to be the only person in an office meant for 10 or 12. We have Zoom meetings twice a week, but some people I have never met in person. I sometimes take my shoes off, or play music. I hadn't gotten to that point, fortunately, when Charles arrived to spend a little time in the office. I immediately put on my mask, of course. I usually start the day by going to the mailbox in the hall. It's a big brick building with 4 or 5 floors--we're on the first floor with several other groups. So when I go to get the mail, I put on my mask and take my mailbox keys. There are two mailboxes, for suite 9 and suite 10, although we are actually in suite 12...no idea why. Sometimes there is little or nothing, except some junk mail. I love it when there are Essex Heritage envelopes; they are the ones with money in them! Three donations yesterday, one from a charitable fund. I stamp them right away For Deposit Only and the account number, and put them aside to enter in QuickBooks. I also enter the information in Neon, which keeps track specifically of donors and donations. Before I left for the day, I took them to the bank. So that's probably the most important thing I do, although it doesn't take up a lot of time, and some days there aren't any. My boss works remotely, apparently even when there's not a pandemic. She lives in Newburyport and this was supposed to be her "semi-retired" job, 21 hours a week and no commute. Life intervened. Her assistant became ill and is on medical leave. 

Monday, Monday

 Trouble sleeping last night, took pain reliever toward midnight for my shoulder. Woke up pretty groggy to a beautiful day. Now that I have to go to work every day, I have to do things like eat breakfast and get dressed, whether I feel like it or not. On the other hand, I feel fortunate to have a job! that I enjoy. and I will be home before 4. Maybe today is the day for working in my yard!

Yesterday was Sunday, my stay-at-home day. Pancakes with blueberries and bacon. On-line services at First Parish Beverly, plus virtual coffee hour. Leftovers for lunch, family trivia zoom. At 3:00, Amelia's craft club. Watched some of the Oscars after dinner (steak potatoes broccoli), but was tired and went to bed about 9:30. No good reason not to fall asleep, maybe I didn't get enough exercise? 

Another month goes by...

 I feel something strange--what is it? Happiness?? I didn't know it was missing...

We went out to dinner last night. The food was very good, we sat outside and it got cold. They brought us one of those tall heaters. Tamara, my Dad, Ray and I. Three of us have had all our shots, Tamara only one. My Dad paid! It was not cheap, but we figure we saved hundreds (thousands?) of dollars by not eating out for a year, so we can spend as much as we want any time! It feels a little shallow to be so easily enticed by something as worldly as dinner out. 

I have two part-time jobs. I like working. My Dad does not understand why I don't want to sit home and do nothing. Perhaps it is because my surroundings remind me of things I should be doing? It is a challenge to find the right balance. Certainly I want to eat well (and feed the people around me), but I do not want that to be my whole life. There is some cleaning that needs doing, but it does not inspire me. 

Tamara has withdrawn from school. Eventually, she found Zoom classes to be too challenging for her. She now has 3 job offers for the summer, so that will be good. She is trying to get an appointment to take her driving test again. She wants her friend Daniela to come spend the summer with us (which is fine) and work here. She is looking for places who will get her a temporary visa. Tamara seems happy and very agreeable. She puts away dishes, vacuums, walks the dog, and does anything else we ask her. She does not generally get up very early, but that is one reason working will be good. 

Ray and I made reservations to fly to Hilton Head for a week next month. Our friends have condo time shares there and we had a trip scheduled last year that we canceled because of the pandemic. Now we will go! Again, it is expensive but we have not been anywhere in more than a year. We will change planes in Atlanta, the hardest part of the trip, but we will then fly right to Hilton Head, rather than to Savannah or Charleston and rent a car. It will be warm...

Sunday morning

Time for me to apply for unemployment, for the last time for a while, I guess. Every Sunday, I apply for the week before. It is a fairly irritating process and I wonder how many unemployed people can't or don't do it. I hope there is still a way for someone without a computer to apply. I have to log in and answer the same questions every week. I am supposed to be able to prove I looked for work, if they ask. I do read ads every week, so I don't feel like I'm lying. And one time they did ask me to document. 

The days I am not working now feel strange to me. I am at loose ends and can't seem to find anything to engross me. I read cookbooks, cook, do the puzzle, work on genealogy...Ray has gone back to the office, which is good. I don't like to hear him talking to clients. Sometimes, I want to advise him. Don't give them so much personal information, for instance. You're taking too long for each one...so I would rather have him do that in the office. I feel less crowded, even though there is lots of room in this house. And then he wants to tell me about each case. I should be flattered, but I don't want to know. 

This past Friday was not as fun as previous weeks. I did talk to a couple clients on the phone, but there were no checks to write or deposit. The Treasurer didn't come by and chat. I did talk to another Board member, who has been handling our Paypal account, so now I have that on my plate as well. And l was able to get information on many donors who have given that way, and gave that information to my boss. I entered information from a few clients, but did not get as far as I thought I would. 

My Dad is not happy with my going to work every day, starting Wednesday. He says, "why don't you just relax, aren't you supposed to be retired? By the time I was your age, I had been retired for 10 years!" We did chat about it though. I don't have any interest in living on a sailboat or building my own house, well maybe a little interest. Maybe I'll build another house someday, but I wouldn't actually build it myself. I didn't say, "Mom didn't want to live on a sailboat either..." I said, we tried it and we didn't like it. Ray and I don't get along that well when we're home all day every day. Which is only sort of true. We don't always get along when we're both working, either. I don't seem to be getting done the things that I should, while I have time. Like clearing out the clutter. As my daughter the lawyer said, yes they have written a lot about that. The pandemic is not conducive to doing those things. At least not any more, maybe some at the beginning. 

So, oddly enough, now I have weekends again. Tomorrow is the last Monday I will not be working, at least for now. So, I will need to get things done on Saturday and Sunday, which we used to do. Of course, I am not working a lot. I will have late afternoons and evenings, too. Now the things include ordering food, rather than going to the store. In theory, February, which is long gone, is the month for using up the food we have on hand, especially in the freezer. That will coincide nicely with going back to work. 

I'm excited, but a little apprehensive. 

What's Happening?

Good morning! The number of things that happened yesterday is amazing! It was gray and rainy when we got up, like this morning, but it stopped raining and was sunny by evening. And the warmest it's been. I was comfortable all day and did not wear a turtleneck or corduroys. 

Early in the day, after Ray had gone to work and we had walked Cameron, I had a phone call from Jill, the woman who got me the job in Newburyport. "I wondered if you were interested in picking up a few more hours," she said. An organization I am familiar with, Essex Heritage, which sponsors Trails and Sails and took us to Baker Island a couple years ago, needs a "Finance Assistant." Their staff member is on sick leave and they don't know when she'll be back. It is a temporary part-time job doing things that are familiar to me, using QuickBooks: going to the post office, entering deposits and checks, etc. I said I was and she said the woman would call me. Here's the cosmic part: Her name is Patty. Yes, that's right. I now have two part-time jobs, one where the boss has my husband's name (Ray) and one where the boss has my name. Furthermore, I believe, they each hold a job that I applied for. I originally applied for the Finance Director job at Essex Heritage in Salem, but Jill thought I would be better for the Executive Director at Community Service of Newburyport. They are paying me less than I asked for, but if the job lasts more than a couple months, I will revisit that. So, now, starting Wednesday, I will be working 32 hours at 2 jobs, which is not really retired. I'm very excited and happy--and it's supposedly temporary, so we'll see. I could walk there in 30 minutes, which I might do sometimes, or take the train. 

Backing up, I also drove my Dad to get his license. Unfortunately, they insisted that he have a copy of his birth certificate, which we were not able to find. He and I were pretty surprised that they would not accept, for instance, an expired passport or his honorable discharge, both of which prove his place of birth and citizenship. While he was there, I dashed into Trader Joe's and bought a few things: bananas, yogurt, pork tenderloin...

Today is a drive-to-Newburyport day, so must get going.  

changing times

We had a minor catastrophe last Friday. When I ran my bath, the water pressure was low. I even went to see if Dad was running water, but he wasn't. I mentioned it to Ray and he noticed it later in the day. We thought we would check with neighbors and see if they were having problems, so we would know if it was just us or a larger problem. Late in the afternoon, after 5, Ray noticed that there was no hot water. He usually runs a little warm water on Cameron's dinner. He went down to check and there was an inch of water on the basement floor! The water heater had sprung a leak and been leaking for at least most of the day. He shut it off and bailed bucketsful of water and carried them upstairs and outside to dump them. He called DiPietro and left a message, but they didn't call back until Monday. We met with a guy named Shane on Tuesday. He was from Climate something, not diPietro. Yesterday some men installed a temporary 20-gallon water heater, so we now have a little hot water. 

It's a longer story, though. DiPietro installed "splits" in December. This is a new "in vogue" technology. It's basically a heat pump that connects to wall-mounted units. We put one in our den (where we watch TV in the evenings), one in our bedroom, and one in Dad's living room. They are meant to replace the hot-water heating system that uses baseboard radiators in the "new" part of the house--the back where I work on the desktop computer, and where Dad's bathroom and study are upstairs. The boiler was very old and was giving off too much carbon monoxide. They said they could not do the insulation in the walls until we replaced it. I was hesitant because it gets very cold here and I did not think heat pumps would keep us warm enough. The appeal, though (aside from it's supposed to be more efficient and save money) is that they function as air conditioners in the summer. We shall see. 

In spite of the new technology, it was often very cold in our house, especially in the mornings, especially in the back where I like to work on the computer first thing when I get up. I was pretty annoyed at myself for buying it and at the salesman for possibly misleading us. And the alternative was a new efficient water boiler that would include a water heater! And cost less! So we were calling diPietro to see if we could still get that, since our water heater had now died. But what actually happened is somehow Ray got a rival company run by a guy named diPietro who is brother to the first DiPietro. Apparently, they had some disagreements in how they do things, but have similar businesses. I thought maybe the original company could be talked into giving us some discount because they misled us and we were giving them more business. But this company, of course, will not. This guy, Shane, said they would never have sold us splits to heat the main part of the house (well, it's not really)...and they only sell xyz brand, not the ones we got...

Now we have to find the right document to prove we had the energy audit...so we can borrow some more money (hopefully, the bank will want to lend it to us) to pay for the system we should have gotten. And we'll have plenty of heat and hot water, in time for summer. And, maybe, we'll enjoy our splits providing ac. 

Almost Spring

When I walked the dog this morning, it smelled like rain. No snow left on the ground, not too cold, but really overcast. Originally, they were forecasting snow tonight, but it looks like it will be too warm, or if it snows, it won't last. 

Ray went to the H&R Block office this morning about 4 or 5 to work on taxes before anyone else came in. I went back to sleep, which I apparently am learning to do. I think that's a sign that I am less stressed, happier.

I have a new job 24 miles north. That's the only thing wrong with it, I have to drive almost an hour to get there and home. It's a pleasant ride, through the marsh and small towns. I just hate driving that much. I have a belief that the more I drive, the greater the chance of an accident, even if I'm incredibly careful. There are other people out there, people who may have something happen to keep them from being careful. And there are environmental reasons, although I drive a small hybrid. 

Anyway, it's really great. I work from home on Tuesdays and have a checkin with my boss, the Executive Director at 10. I have a laptop from the organization to do my work. It is sadly a Windows machine and there are things I don't love about it, but I can keep my work stuff completely separate from my home stuff, with different email addresses and passwords. I work 6 hours 9-3, nominally, but I can have a lunch break and work a little later (or earlier). I can walk around my house and see my family or use my own bathroom. 

On Fridays, I drive up to the office and let myself in with my key. I lock the door behind me and turn on the lights and sometimes the heat. I take out my laptop and connect it to the outlet under my desk. Every hour or so, I stretch and walk around the space...there's not much to see. After a few hours, I get the post office key from my boss's desk. He works Monday-Thursday and we came up with this plan for now, during the pandemic. I walk to the post office past the old houses and the little coffee shop. I keep my distance from anyone I see and wear my mask. I don't think I will see anyone I know in this town. When I get to the post office, I make sure no one is in the doorway, duck in and unlock the box. Last Friday, it was empty for the first time, which was a little disconcerting. I felt like I was getting away with something, to get to walk on the clock, with nothing gained. But there might have been something. On my way back, I picked up a chai I had ordered by phone before I left. The coffee shop has a little takeout window in the middle of the front, so it's very easy to pick up without having much contact with people. There was someone ahead of me, so I just stayed back and waited. 

One of the first things I did for this employer is to set up QuickBooks (an old desktop version) on my laptop. I have my own login and I suspect QB is already on the laptop on a different login, but my boss seems a little nervous about technology. One of these days, I will figure out how to access it. The Treasurer has been handling the bookkeeping for several months, maybe years. They also have a paid accountant, and I don't know what they do. I met with the Treasurer, Suzie, and she handed me her records: two rubber-banded clumps of checks and bills. There is no spreadsheet, or even a hand-written ledger. When she prepares a monthly report, she told me, she gets the bank to send her a printout. I saw the one for February. It shows the beginning and ending balance for the month, how much came in and how much went out, but not what it went for! I entered the information from the last month or so of rubber-banded information and I will keep trying to improve them. Last week, when I met with Suzie, I showed her my report and she was very impressed. There are only a few checks in and out, so it won't be a lot of work to keep it up. Ideally, my boss would request a check when he wants one and I would prepare it and have the Treasurer sign it. In reality, she will come sign checks whenever he wants, so I end up entering them after the fact instead. Fortunately, they keep plenty of money in the account. If there are checks to deposit, I take them by the bank on my way home every Friday. 

My other main task has been looking for information about databases on line. The client files are in a file cabinet and we hope to convert them to digital before reopening to the public in the Fall. There are lots of products to keep track of donors and do fancy fund-raising, but they are quite expensive, and not really what we want. Some are quite well-known. The one I am hoping works for us is called Charity Tracker. It's much easier to use than the fancy ones. 

Hi, it seems that Spring might be coming. A few shreds of gray ice and dirty crusty snow are in the corners of parking areas and on the north side of buildings. Birds are singing. I am not worried about driving to Newburyport because of weather. Dad trimmed some of the bushes out front, he has been very happy. This is due in large part to his getting his second shot last night. Unfortunately, the person he asked told him he can do anything now, he doesn't have to wait two weeks. I don't know if he misunderstood or what, but he has big plans to go to the bank and the grocery store, even without a drivers license. 

I am finding this part-time schedule a little discombobulating. The days I am not working I don't know what to do with myself. The things that I managed to do all day every day before are no longer interesting to me. I do a little cooking (made some lovely bread last night) and work on the puzzle or the genealogy, read some emails, do some bookkeeping, but I'm restless and want to do more. I have read some job descriptions that appeal, but am hesitant to go to the trouble of applying. I don't want to end up working more than 30 hours a week, with no time left for other things. 

Good morning! I don't know what it was about yesterday, but I was definitely off all day. I didn't sleep very well last night, and it's really cold, but I'm feeling much better now. 

Our food coop/CSA, Farm Direct, is having their first market next week. I'm excited, but it's going to mess with my complex system of ordering. I have a Misfits box coming today and Imperfect scheduled for Friday. I can change my order for Friday, as long as I do it before noon tomorrow. Generally speaking, I'd rather get as much from Farm Direct as I can, although the prices for meat are pretty steep. I get meat from Walden once a month. It came yesterday. I probably need to change my regular share, because we don't eat that much meat. They also didn't include any chicken or pork (bacon, sausage, and uncured ham notwithstanding). Hmm. So many variables. 

Ray was gone when I woke up this morning. I was pretty sure he was in the bathroom, but he never came out. Maybe I woke up and then went back to sleep and he snuck out. I've put the oatmeal on the stove, just need to turn it on when he texts me he's heading home. 

If I'm going to start work at 9 am, I need to eat, walk the dog, and bathe before then. My guess is that's about when he'll come home. Alternate plan: go ahead and work for an hour or two now and then "clock out" until 10, when I have a standing call with my boss. 

I'm a little disconnected today. I feel restless and at loose ends. After all these days of being able to do anything, it's hard to find anything I want to do. Cleaning? almost never. Cooking? Yes, I would happily make something. I have homemade bread I made a few days ago, plus several loaves in the freezer. I have two kinds of cookies, plus squash bars, plus more in the freezer. I have a plan for soup and dinner and leftovers for lunch I just got out. If I made more food, I'd have to give it away, no more room in the freezer. The logistics of cooking for other people are a little overwhelming too. Who and how? 

Even my old fallback, genealogy, is not calling to me. I was doing a bit this morning on the couch, and dozing off. 

It's just 7 on Sunday morning. Ray is at H&R Block, where he has been almost every morning for the last several weeks. He prepares taxes for people. He loves it and he takes it very seriously. He is not a morning person by nature, and yet he wakes up about 4 most mornings to get to the office while it is empty and safe. He has rheumatoid arthritis and takes a medicine that increases his risk. RA is an autoimmune disease, which means in some way his body is fighting itself. He takes a pill making it fight less, which also would make him fight less against other things, like COVID! So he works in the office until any of his coworkers show up, when he puts on his two masks, packs everything up and wipes everything down, and comes home. Most days, he spends 6 more hours, give or take, working from home. The system HRB has for people who want to work from home is cumbersome and glitchy, but it works. Most clients are not willing or able to approve their returns on line. So, one of the things he does in the early mornings is print out their forms and leave them at the front desk for them to sign and pay in person when he is not there. 

I linger in bed, sometimes dozing, or just luxuriating. Then I get up. The house is cold and slow to warm up these winter mornings. I pull on the clothes I wore yesterday and make my way downstairs past the dog on the landing. I make some tea and sit on the couch in the den, where it's warmest. Some mornings I look at my recipes to decide what to have for dinner. Sometimes I read my emails. 

When he gets home, we walk the dog and eat breakfast. Sundays are for pancakes and bacon. Today I have no sour milk or buttermilk, so decide to try using a specific recipe. After making pancakes every Sunday for about 40 years, I can whip up a batch from almost anything. I visited a college friend one weekend and she was very impressed that I could make pancakes with whatever they had around and no recipe. This time, though, I used buckwheat flour (only a little left now) and whole wheat flour, with 2% milk and an egg. Of course I added blueberries. I keep some in my freezer for emergencies, but usually have fresh on hand. They were delicious, as usual, and I ate too many (9!). with lovely maple syrup from a farm in upstate NY, near where my parents used to live. Every spring, my Dad calls them up and orders 2 half-gallons. We don't care if it costs more, it's a tradition. 

It's cold out, but above freezing, kind of damp and raw. There are still puddles and snow that hasn't melted, but greens are poking up from bulbs and birds are making noise. We go our basic minimum route, around 2 blocks, it takes about 15 minutes. We usually see a few other people, walking dogs or exercising. Not much activity today before 9. 

It's still cold in the house, so I go up and run my bath. It's a little more stressful than it should be, because the drain doesn't close completely until the 5th try. I'm pretty sure most people don't take a daily bath, so their drain plugs don't wear out as fast. If I'm in a hurry, I can run a bath while I'm getting out my clothes, brushing my teeth and generally getting ready for the day. Then I can wash and soak in about 5 minutes if need be. Some days I dawdle and daydream, enjoying the warmth. It's one of the few times during the day that nothing hurts. Most days I spend about 15 minutes, enough to wash and relax, but get out before my fingers are pruny (wrinkled). 

I might glance at the weather again to see what I should wear. Today? Not too cold, so I wear a mock turtleneck and some heavy jeans, saving the corduroys for colder days to come. Heavy socks, but not the heaviest smartwool. 

Remember me?

Hi, It's me, Patty. I'm still here, in Beverly. It's a new year. Chris helped me get back to my blog. I lost it because I changed emails and didn't remember everything that needed to be changed...fortunately, I had a second email address for my baking company, so I could get back in! 

It's winter, but this afternoon is sunny. I sit in my living room in my really old house wearing a cozy sweater that I knit during this pandemic year. The last log is smoldering in the fireplace. The fire can go out now because of the sun! I have cozy slippers too. And lots of food. I just ate leftover pizza, leftover beef stroganoff with rice, leftover sweet potatoes, an apple, an orange and a handful of chocolate covered nuts. I love having plenty of food. We have not suffered from hunger during the time we were stuck at home. I had a horrible experience that terrified me at a grocery store the first week we were home and I haven't been back since. I will NEVER go to that grocery store again, or any others in that chain. The staff were rude and scary, getting too close to me and acting like I was crazy when I wanted them to stay away. We order groceries via Instacart when we have to, mostly for my Dad, but there are some things I can only get there: ice cream, potato chips...Molli and Michael shop for us some times, but that makes me uncomfortable. I want them to stay home too. I want everyone to stay home. I get food regularly from Farm Direct Coop, awesome local mostly organic food. Produce is the main thing, but sometimes they have meat and a few other staples like honey or tomato sauce. I get eggs every week too. But that is closed for a few months, not much growing now. I still have some things left that I got from them, like carrots and onions and a sad kohlrabi. I also have discovered Market Misfits. They have food (mostly produce) that is not acceptable to grocery stores. It's too big or too small or oddly shaped or not enough. I can choose several items from 3 different categories and some add ons. Then I found another company that does pretty much the same thing: Imperfect Foods. I can order whatever I like from them. They have some yummy snacks like chocolate covered nuts, as well as produce and sometimes milk or other necessities. 

Right now, I'm getting low on eggs and butter. This is when I get creative. I spend lots of time reading cookbooks and marking the pages for things I can make with the ingredients I have. I usually have homemade bread and cookies on hand. I've been ordering granola from Imperfect and I can get plain yogurt from them too. Lately, we've been eating steel cut oats most mornings--yum! We only have a couple bananas left. My favorite thing to have on steel cut oats--brown sugar, half a banana and half&half. I'm pretty moderate though, just a spoonful of brown sugar and a dollop of 1/2 and 1/2. 

I usually start my day with some hot tea: Earl Grey or Chai or maybe a Breakfast blend. I have green tea if I'm feeling a little off or decaf if I seem antsy. Then I often have some toast and peanut butter, unless there's a muffin or some other treat around. Later, after Ray gets up, I'll have yogurt with fruit or oatmeal or cereal. I get raisin bran from Imperfect too. 

I haven't slept really well in a while. I go to bed early and sleep soundly for a while, but I wake up in the early morning, sometimes about 4. Last night I woke up a couple times and I've been dreaming more. 

I just finished a fun puzzle on the topic of Votes for Women. 40 faces and names. There's a guide that goes with to tell about them. Such interesting lives and so many great things they did. I feel like I need to be doing more to carry on the work of such brave and strong women.