It was cool enough yesterday morning and evening to open the windows. My toes are a little cool this morning; I should turn off the ceiling fan. In the middle of the day, it ws 93 and still no rain; the ground is very dry. I poured some water on a few things in the garden and found 2 more hornworms destroying my last remaining tomatoes and peppers. My Dad bought some grocery-store tomatoes!

I have done a really strange thing--I sprained my fingers, hand, wrist--not sure exactly--or strained--on my right hand. Pulling closed the car door. It is very sore and there are lots of things that are hard for me. Some letters on the keyboard. I can't put my hair up. I am sure a doctor would say, "rest it," but don't think there's much else they could do for me.

We found the body of our missing chicken around the side of the house; not sure if it was there the whole time and we missed it or Cameron (or something else) dragged it out from somewhere else. There wassn't time for Ray to dig a hole (in the hard ground) and bury it yesterday morning, so we have had to keep Cameron close until he can. I smelled it before I saw it. Nothing to tell me what killed it--Ray thinks maybe a possum, but it seems strange to me that whatever it was didn't want it for anything, just to kill. We are getting eggs from the other two, but will probably get one or two more at some point.

I dropped Ray off and went to Deb's house for Small Group Ministry. It was a good meeting, but I cried. The topic is hard for me. Do you have rules or guidelines to live by? What happens if you break them? My rules are simple and yet ridiculous: Save the World. It makes me cry, because I am not succeeding. Sometimes the rule(s) are contradictory: Should I go to Washington to protest the oil pipeline--or should I stay home and not use the energy and money? Others in the group looked for balance between goodness and happiness. To me, happiness is not an acceptable goal, although it may come from doing the right thing. Doing good, helping people, being useful, productive, constructive is the only goal. Not that it is achievable, but it is the boundary that shapes my life. The corollary is do no harm (like physicians). But by living, I do harm, so I want to do more good than harm and I am not sure I am succeeding. Deb was concerned, she said I was depressed and should take care of myself. But it feels more like being realistic--the Earth is dying and all of us with it, and I cannot stop it.

I had lunch with Janna, which was fine, but I was not very good company, I don't think. I went to the Land Trust for about an hour, showing them how to use Vertical Response, which is a program to send emails to lists, with photos and formatting, so a newsletter. I suggested that they have one person who primarily sends the info...Matt said he would do it, but Nathan thought everyone should send their own. (This would mean everyone would  have to be an expert at using the program, and equally good at writing, etc.). I think this is the basic problem a the Land Trust--too much democracy. The funding issue is they can't get money to pay for a communications or public relations person, but I think that is a cost that pays for itself, intangibly, in increased donations. Whatever.

Ray had to stay for a faculty meeting at 4, so I drove home. I was supposed to be working on some job applications, but I had trouble being motivated. Then I remembered my conversation with the Captain. He was auditioning for Rose of Athens and they wanted him to bring a head shot. I went through pictures from the last year and found a few with him in it. I uploaded them to Snapfish, cropped them, and ordered prints. It was much more fun than applying for jobs. You can have them printed at Walgreen's and pick them up within minutes...for 19 cents a piece. These were not excellent pictures and I didn't have them made into 8 x 10s. They were from my phone and the quality would not have been good enough, but I wasn't wiling to pay that much anyway.

I called my Dad and he dictated his resume to me (his acting resume): 2 shows in college....I printed that out and took it with me, picked up the photos and met Ray at the apartment. Captain was working on learning a speech from Huckleberry Finn--he dressed in his overalls and a torn shirt and boots and took a bottle of whiskey to wave around as Pap Finn. I started feeling bad, like maybe this was too stressful and I shouldn't have suggested it. Ray and I had a quick swim in his pool, while he headed off to the audition.

We went home and were almost ready for dinner when he called and said it went well. Now he will wait to hear from them. The director, Lisa, is the person who needed a home for Cameron and she is very grateful that we took him. We are glad too, so that is kind of a bond.

Our omelet was very tasty--yard eggs and home-grown peppers! Somehow it was late after that and we watched some TV and went to bed.

Last night, I dreamed about my mother. I have not dreamed that she was still alive, just that my Dad and I could see her and have a very ordinary, reassuring conversation with her about whatever we were doing at the time. Even though we knew she wasn't really there. I think Ray left because he was so disgusted with us.