Well. it was cool and cloudy all day yesterday, like this morning so far. It feels like rain, but no rain fell and none is forecast. Kind of like Nova Scotia, getting ready to rain for days, but I'm afraid not. I keep dumping water on things.

The chicken body disappeared in the night, so Ray doesn't have to bury it. I have started feeling a little nervous at night, not knowing what is out there and how it can hurt me (not literally me). I feel like I need to do something more to protect my chickens, although they are probably fine in the coop, the same as always. And I got two eggs yesterday.

I worked a couple hours at the Land Trust in the morning and met Lisa L. for lunch. I really enjoyed talking to her; we seem to have a good match of takling and listening. She is in a different place, with her childen in elementary school, but most of our values are similar.

I tried to say goodbye to everyone at the staff meeting, but couldn't keep from crying. Ray and I came  home a litle earlier than usual. Spent time getting photos off my phone and dealing with my computer, when I was supposed to be applying for jobs.

Made supper with Ray's help, watched TV, went to bed.

Anne Lamott is brilliant, thank you Orangette!

It was cool enough yesterday morning and evening to open the windows. My toes are a little cool this morning; I should turn off the ceiling fan. In the middle of the day, it ws 93 and still no rain; the ground is very dry. I poured some water on a few things in the garden and found 2 more hornworms destroying my last remaining tomatoes and peppers. My Dad bought some grocery-store tomatoes!

I have done a really strange thing--I sprained my fingers, hand, wrist--not sure exactly--or strained--on my right hand. Pulling closed the car door. It is very sore and there are lots of things that are hard for me. Some letters on the keyboard. I can't put my hair up. I am sure a doctor would say, "rest it," but don't think there's much else they could do for me.

We found the body of our missing chicken around the side of the house; not sure if it was there the whole time and we missed it or Cameron (or something else) dragged it out from somewhere else. There wassn't time for Ray to dig a hole (in the hard ground) and bury it yesterday morning, so we have had to keep Cameron close until he can. I smelled it before I saw it. Nothing to tell me what killed it--Ray thinks maybe a possum, but it seems strange to me that whatever it was didn't want it for anything, just to kill. We are getting eggs from the other two, but will probably get one or two more at some point.

I dropped Ray off and went to Deb's house for Small Group Ministry. It was a good meeting, but I cried. The topic is hard for me. Do you have rules or guidelines to live by? What happens if you break them? My rules are simple and yet ridiculous: Save the World. It makes me cry, because I am not succeeding. Sometimes the rule(s) are contradictory: Should I go to Washington to protest the oil pipeline--or should I stay home and not use the energy and money? Others in the group looked for balance between goodness and happiness. To me, happiness is not an acceptable goal, although it may come from doing the right thing. Doing good, helping people, being useful, productive, constructive is the only goal. Not that it is achievable, but it is the boundary that shapes my life. The corollary is do no harm (like physicians). But by living, I do harm, so I want to do more good than harm and I am not sure I am succeeding. Deb was concerned, she said I was depressed and should take care of myself. But it feels more like being realistic--the Earth is dying and all of us with it, and I cannot stop it.

I had lunch with Janna, which was fine, but I was not very good company, I don't think. I went to the Land Trust for about an hour, showing them how to use Vertical Response, which is a program to send emails to lists, with photos and formatting, so a newsletter. I suggested that they have one person who primarily sends the info...Matt said he would do it, but Nathan thought everyone should send their own. (This would mean everyone would  have to be an expert at using the program, and equally good at writing, etc.). I think this is the basic problem a the Land Trust--too much democracy. The funding issue is they can't get money to pay for a communications or public relations person, but I think that is a cost that pays for itself, intangibly, in increased donations. Whatever.

Ray had to stay for a faculty meeting at 4, so I drove home. I was supposed to be working on some job applications, but I had trouble being motivated. Then I remembered my conversation with the Captain. He was auditioning for Rose of Athens and they wanted him to bring a head shot. I went through pictures from the last year and found a few with him in it. I uploaded them to Snapfish, cropped them, and ordered prints. It was much more fun than applying for jobs. You can have them printed at Walgreen's and pick them up within minutes...for 19 cents a piece. These were not excellent pictures and I didn't have them made into 8 x 10s. They were from my phone and the quality would not have been good enough, but I wasn't wiling to pay that much anyway.

I called my Dad and he dictated his resume to me (his acting resume): 2 shows in college....I printed that out and took it with me, picked up the photos and met Ray at the apartment. Captain was working on learning a speech from Huckleberry Finn--he dressed in his overalls and a torn shirt and boots and took a bottle of whiskey to wave around as Pap Finn. I started feeling bad, like maybe this was too stressful and I shouldn't have suggested it. Ray and I had a quick swim in his pool, while he headed off to the audition.

We went home and were almost ready for dinner when he called and said it went well. Now he will wait to hear from them. The director, Lisa, is the person who needed a home for Cameron and she is very grateful that we took him. We are glad too, so that is kind of a bond.

Our omelet was very tasty--yard eggs and home-grown peppers! Somehow it was late after that and we watched some TV and went to bed.

Last night, I dreamed about my mother. I have not dreamed that she was still alive, just that my Dad and I could see her and have a very ordinary, reassuring conversation with her about whatever we were doing at the time. Even though we knew she wasn't really there. I think Ray left because he was so disgusted with us.

I have been engrossed in hurricane news, following it on the Weather Channel and my computer. I am thrilled that Amelia didn't even lose power and her biggest challenge was boredom. I wonder about other people I know--and places, like Vermont.

It was cool in the morning and I started some bread, as well as making bacon and pancakes for us. Ray and I went to UUFA and sang with the choir, which was well received. It was Bread Day--once a month, someone goes to Panera and collects the leftover bread at the end of the day. So you can buy day-old bagels, 6 for $1. I bought 6 bags and we froze them.

We came home and had lunch with my Dad, who was working on his computer at our house. We made salad nicoise, except not with potatoes and green beans. I read on Chow.com that if you steam eggs instead of boiling them, they are easier to peel. And it worked! We had plenty of peppers, but just a few tomatoes--tasty though. Captain did a load of laundry and hung it out. He is very sad and lonely, but he is going to audition for Rose of Athens tonight. He is working on two monologues--I'd love to be there.

In the afternoon, I did some computer stuff and made some chicken curry. When we were ready to eat, Ray froze most of it and served the rest up with some leftover rice. I admit we watched TV while we ate it. It was delicious, I have to say, and reminded me of Sushanth's recipe--catsup and cream. It's nice to know that we have three more meals of it.

We had our third dance lesson at 8, but when we got there, they were having auditions and we had to wait a while for a room. It was fun and we can now foxtrot and swing, to some extent. Not sure how long we'll remember if we don't practice.

Fell asleep watching John Stewart.

I am waiting to hear if Amelia still has power this morning. I talked to her late last night and watched a lot of the Weather Channel. She thought the electricity might go off at around 2 this morning and the worst flooding would be about 8 am, when high tide is in New York. She had done everything she could do, with food and water and even a bag packed. I certainly hope she is sound asleep.

Most mornings, as I wake up, I take inventory and count my blessings...Molli in Mexico, Amelia in NY...this morning I am a little sad about a missing chicken. Sylvia was not a pet and she was not affectionate. But I feel repsonsible, like a farmer who has not taken care of her assets. When we headed out to get my Dad on Friday, it was very hot and I coudln't get the chickens to come into the coop. I wasn't really worried. When we got back late at night, I looked in and could see them, so I shut the door. But apparently there were only two and I didn't realize it until my Dad let them out the next  morning. He is disappointed in me as well. We have not found any evidence of her demise, but probably need to look in the woods around the house. The other two chickens aren't giving me any clues and don't seem to be behaving any differently. Cameron, the dog, isn't talking, if he knows anything. Sylvia had been broody, staying in the nest box while her sisters roamed more, so I don't know that egg production will be down much.

My Dad spent Friday night with us and I made us all bacon and eggs when he got up. We watched a little hurricane coverage and he visited the gardens. Ray and he went to get the last of the tree they had been working on and I headed to the university campus for a training for people who want to work on campaigns. There was some good information, but I found it a little disheartening. It's a somewhat scientific process, with procedures to follow, but not enough soul for me. And it seems kind of pointless in some ways. Do we really think we can get Democrats elected in districts redrawn by the Republicans?

I came home and changed my clothes and Ray and I went dancing at Project Safe's Groovy Nights fundraiser. We had fun, although we can't quite dance the night away like we used to. There were several Star Wars storm troopers, as there have been other years. It amuses me that adults would dress up in what must be very uncomfortable costumes and stand around for a couple hours, having their pcitures taken. There were some sand people and a Darth Vader and somebody that might have represented Obiwan Kenobi. The food was also from the 70s and perhaps not the healthiest. For lunch, the political students had pizza and Coke. At Groovy Nights, we ate crackers and dip and chocolate fondue, quite tasty. We invited Mary Anne and Ed to sit with us at Kent's table. We had called him before we left and he was planning to stay home and watch the Falcons.

We went to bed later than usual and now my shoulder is aching again.

The big event of yesterday was driving to the airport in Atlanta to pick up my Dad. His flight was early, the traffic was slow, but not impossible, and we had a nice dinner afterward, which he paid for in exchange for us meeting the plane. He requested a wheelchair, although he didn't really need it, and it made it much easier for him to get through the airport quickly and easily. On the way out to Santa Fe, he had a carry-on bag with a broken strap and wheels that didn't roll, plus a briefcase with a heavy laptop and two library books. And he didn't ask for a wheelchair. He was pretty exhausted when he arrived. While he was there, he bought a new suitcase that did roll and had Bonney ship the two libirary books back to me. He had a good visit with them and was glad to be home, generally pretty cheerful.

We have both been very intierested in the hurricane and the responses to it. Amelia is ready in NY, with water and food and flashlights. The trains are stopping running as of noon today, so she will not be working for two days. Her greatest danger is boredom, especially if the power goes out. If she has electricity, she will spend some of the time baking.

I worked at the Land Trust and had a long conversation with Nancy, in which she apologized but said there was no funding to keep paying me after August. This only confirmed what I already knew. I assured her that I would be fine, and maybe things would be better at some time in the future.

Ray and I picked up a few groceries (and some Yoforia) and headed home for a little while before leaving for Atlanta.

Back to incredibly unbearably hot weather; somewhat cooler at night, but no windows open last night.

Ray had a long day, so he drove the red car to the Captain's apartment and took a campus bus from there. I stayed home in the morning, made a bean salad for the potluck, and went to the Land Trust in the afternoon. I talked briefly with Nancy, but spent a couple hours touring some of the sites with Kate and a class.

We visited the Council on Aging, where they are planning to build a demonstration garden on an old parking lot. The existing community garden has melons and peppers and tomatoes and cosmos and bees.

There is a five acre woods in a very urban area that has been preserved and could benefit from some trail maintenance, removing non-natives, and signage.

There is a church that has a community garden and wants to build a pollinator garden for educating young children.

And there is some work to be done at the offices, adding a vegetable garden and a bioswale.

I went along in theory because we will want volunteers at all these sites, to help the students. It was incredibly hot. I had my hat and my water and my jeans and boots. Most of the kids were in shorts and flip flops. Hopefully they did not go near the poison ivy.

I came home before 5. I was cooling off some when I got a call from a neighbor. She was about to go to the hospital for emergency gall bladder surgery and asked me to stay with her teenage daughter so she wouldn't be alone and worried. Of course, I was happy to. Said teenager was a little dismissive, but if it reassured the Mom, it was worth it. I was there less than a half hour before someone else came to take over.

Then I headed to the potluck, which I enjoyed very much. Lots of good food, although a lot of it seemed  to contain beans this time. And I love seeing everyone, especially the young ones. Anna and Mia were there. Mia is attending the film institute in New York, but home for the weekend. There were troubles with her flight, making me glad I am not dealing with that again soon. My favorite is little Ava, who sat on my lap for awhile helping me play Gin Rummy with Sky. Then I let her play the Matching Game on my iPhone. She kept saying, "I did it," every time she made a match. The enthusiasm is so wonderful and she has bright eyes and a smile that I love to see turned my way.

Ray came late and then we headed home to watch a little TV and fall asleep very early.

The hurricane is skirting the coast, so we have no rain predicted (for the next 10 days!), while they are evacuating people in North Carolina and even New York City.

It's been nice and cool in the mornings; we've had the windows open at night, even though it makes it a little damp in the house. Still in the 90s at the middle of the day and still incredibly dry. It now looks like Hurricane Irene will not bring us any rain, although that could change.

So I dumped water from the barrels on various parts of the garden, and I'll do it again this morning. It might be enough to keep things alive, although they won't thrive. thank goodness for sweet potatoes, they seem to be perfectly happy with no water. I'm not sure how that can be--perhaps the tubers will be smaller and not as tasty.

I discovered an invasion of green tomato hornworms earlier this week. It's hard to imagine that I didn't see them before. They were eating the tomato fruits, as well as all the leaves, but they were well camouflaged. Once I started seeing them, I picked off about a dozen, each several inches long. Instead of squishing them (gross), I fed them to the chickens, who fought over them. So we are turning tomatoes into eggs.

We made another batch of cookies for today's geology symposium, since it was cool enough to bake early in the day. And I mixed up some tabouli to chill for potluck.

Nothing too interesting at the Land Trust and my tentative lunch date did not work out, so I came home after a couple hours. I ate lunch (leftover grilled chicken, wrapped in a tortilla with some lettuce, mayonnaise and tarragon. And a little bit of the pesto that my parents had made a couple months ago). I spent a couple hours on the computer and then went to meet Ray at the bus.

Added a few things to the tabouli (tomato, pepper, cucumber) and headed to potluck. Choir went well. Watched a couple shows and were in bed just after 10.

We had a walk and let the chickens out. They are pretty reliably producing 2 eggs these days. It was the most wonderful pleasantly cool morning--in the 60s and low 70s. But still dry as a bone. I watered some. We left in a tizz, because we were late (Ray has a 9:30 class on Tuesdays), and Ray couldn't find his keys. So we left the chickens out.

I spent a couple hours at the Land Trust, sending out the press release and entering more data. Then I had lunch with Becky. At a very nice Italian restaurant that was a little odd...for instance, we asked about olive oil for the bread and there was a charge of .65...but they brought butter for free, only after we asked. The soup was excellent, but the salad dressing was not, and there was too much of it. There was a great lunch special for $9.99. Anyway, we had fun. I got back to the Land Trust for the staff meeting and have to try to find some volunteers for tomorrow afternoon.

I picked up Ray and we stopped by Cofers. By now, it was 90 out and they had not turned on the air conditioning--I guess because it was so cool in the morning. I bought some broccoli and spinach seeds.

Back home, the chickens were fine. I read some in the governance book (it was supposed to be finished by the meeting last night) and made a vegetable melange for supper, using some old eggplants and squash and peppers and tomatoes up. It was pretty tasty, too. Ray really liked it. I was just thrilled to salvage the veggies.

The governance meeting ran from 7:30 to 9:45 and was mildly frustrating, not a lot of direction. I think we could easily have accomplished all we did in an hour or so.

One TV show and then bed.

Worked a couple hours at the Land Trust, entering donations from 2008 into the database, so that we will have a good record of who gave when. Still have to do 2009 and 2010, but I was worried about my back. I had a pleasant lunch with Janna, who has worries of her own. I went to Dad's apartment to pick up the mail. I bought some groceries at EarthFare. I went downtown to see Trish and then I went to Ray's office to wait for him, and worked some on tidying it up.

We came home and had a little down time. I'm supposed to finish the book on governance, but I can only read a little at a time. We made supper. I went to UUFA for a Green Committee meeting and it went well. I was home before 9 and watched some TV.

Yesterday was busy. It was a full house at the Fellowship, with the kickoff of RE (sunday school) and the fourth Sunday lunch (moved to the third Sunday for this month). The choir sang, "Can you Hear my Cries?" with a few children added in. We stayed for lunch and then went home for 15 minutes.

I was participating in the Spelling Bee on a team from the Democratic Committee. We missed a couple words that I never heard of: flagitious and eristic. It was pretty fun but long. We also bought a few things in the silent auction, thanks to Ray. It was at the Hotel Indigo, one of my favorite places.

Then we were home for over an hour, eating some dinner to complement the food we had at the Spelling Bee. Leftover sweet potatoes with black beans, onions and flavorings in tortillas.

At 8, we had another dance lesson with Natalie. I was feeling tired and sort of numb, but I perked up a little when we were dancing. It's hard not to smile. It is kind of sad that it is painful to dance for long. Too bad we didn't dance more when we were younger.

On the way home, it was raining some and there was lightning, but nothing at our house sadly. I was too sleepy to watch more than one TV show without falling asleep after that.

97 degrees. No rain. We watered for hours. Our water bill is high.

I made a peach cake first thing in the morning, before it got too hot, from Joy of Cooking. It is more like a peach shortcake, made in one pan. You turn it out when it's done, and the cake is on the bottom with the peaches on top. The recipe said 2 cups or more peaches. We thought 3 was better and it probably was, but when Ray turned it out of the pan, hot peaches slid off and it made quite a mess. (It was very tasty and appreciated at dinner that evening, though.)

Ray and I went over to where there is a tree down and cut some more of it to bring home and split, because it will be cold again in a few months and we will need firewood. I just carried some of the smaller logs, pieces of branches that were surprisingly heavy, and rolled some of the big ones over to the truck for Ray to lift. My back is hurting today, even though I tried not to do anything hard.

I spent time at the computer after that, but tried to do some other things too. We watched Blade Runner, from 1982, with Harrison Ford, a very interesting dark futuristic movie, sort of a 40s-style noir detective story, with flying cars and tall buildings. Apparently it is dark and rainy all the time in the future. Maybe so. Especially interesting from a writing and cinematography point of view. The story is a little simplistic, and the acting...

We made some curried chicken and rice to freeze for later. I entered some old expenditures into Quicken and filed the receipts.

At six, we went to Rosemary's house for dinner. She had invited Shane and Allen and Chris and we had a pleasant time. Ray looked like he was falling asleep about 8:30, so I said we had to get home. I read a little bit, but slept pretty well until 5. Then I managed to get back to sleep and sleep some more. In my dream, our family (molli and amelia and Ray and I, I think) were buying someone's business--a restaurant with a wave pool in it, like Lake Lanier, except indoors...Not a good idea, imho. Dreams!

Yesterday morning, we went out and checked how much it had rained and took a little walk. Not much at all--there were places in the woods the ground wasn't even wet. But the garden liked it anyway. Need to water again this morning. It was cloudy and looking like rain yesterday and still is now, but no rain.

I worked at ALT a few hours. Nancy S. is back and talked to me some. As I was leaving, the post cards came, so I put the labels on them. Worked some on a press release.

Went by my Dad's apartment and took some rotting produce and other things home. I grabbed the sheets to wash, too, and generally checked that there was nothing that needed dealing with. It was really hard. I can't imagine living there. I really don't want to visit again.

Picked up Ray and went home. It was 97 degrees. He went right to sleep for a few hours. I read cookbooks, looking for dessert for dinner tonight--no dairy or nuts. Found several options, using the peaches I had bought.

Ray finally woke up and started helping me get ready. John and Deb were coming for dinner. We had some chicken breasts to grill. I had said they could come whenever they wanted and they said it would be about 7. But they called a little after 6 to say they were on their way. The sweet potatoes were cooked, but needed to be peeled and mashed. I was peeling apples when they arrived, for a sugarless, wheatless, dairyless dessert that Deb could eat. Sauteed the apples with a little lemon and cinnamon. Then served them in tortillas (for those who eat wheat) with ice cream (for those who eat dairy). It was a very relaxed and pleasant evening. We played Wits and Wagers and Ray read jokes from the Old Jews Telling Jokes book. I was falling asleep, so they left about 9:30. And we have some leftover chicken and sweet potatoes.

Yesterday morning, I made cookies for Ray's symposium. They meet every Thursday and he and Sally are in charge.She did a lot of the preparation, arranging for speakers, so he is repsonsible for refreshments every week. He helped with these and a few got burnt, so we had to keep them. I also minced some parsley for the dish I was making later in the day. We took a short walk and I planted some things in the garden--beans and squash. It may be too late in the year, and the heat and drought may kill them, not to mention bugs, but I wanted to try.

Then we headed to town and stopped by Kroger so Ray could buy a lot of packaged cookies, coffee, and half & half. He will get reimbursed, but I don't think there is any way to sell the homemade cookies, although we can get reimbursed for the ingredients. I got to the Land Trust about 11. I spent half an hour writing a press release, and some more time just reading things on line. I also called the YMCA. I read in the paper that they got a grant to provide after-school services to Hispanic children. I emailed them to let them know I was interested. They had to ask peopel in the community questions as part of their needs assessment, so we did that over the phone. The woman was appreciative and said they might need my help. We'll see.

Then I had a really nice lunch with Becky at Last Resort. I talked a lot and the food was good. Yes, I had the vegetable grill, which I get most of the time. It was still yummy! And we split a piece of coconut cake for my Mom. The waitress got confused when I said that and thought I wanted it to go. Then she was upset when I explained my Mom just died. It's hard to say things like that to people and make them sad, but I don't really want to avoid the topic either.

I went home, because Ray realized that he forgot to bring the cookies, after putting them in containers. I had a little time here to write and chat with Molli on Skype, before heading back to town with the cookies in time for the 3:30 class. The traffic was obscene and I got there later than I wanted. This is the first week of classes. I don't know if the hot weather is a factor, too, but maybe I just am not usually trying to drive on campus that time of day. He was very grateful.

I went home again and made tabouli for supper. Some recipes make me really mad. I tripled this one, because it said it served 4 and that didn't seem like enough. Even tripled, it only made half a bowl of tabouli. Also, it didn't really have enough time to cool. I had a little more computer time before Ray got home. He took my Dad's car, which he could get to on a campus bus (although in fact, his friend John gave him a ride). He said the cookies were a big hit and they want them again next week. We could make them and freeze them. I wonder if we should try a different kind.

Then we went to the Kenney Ridge Thursday night potluck. It was fun and delicious. I am afraid I ate too much. Two blueberry desserts. I resisted the brownies though. We played Boggle again. Ray wins every game, even though he would agree that I am more of a word person than he is.

A couple of TV shows and bed at a reasonable hour. I slept badly, waking frequently. At one point, it was raining, so that was good. I hope it rained a lot, but I doubt it. It has stopped now and I will check the rain gauge soon. Toward morning, I had an interesting but good dream. I was in a strange town and met a pleasant young woman. We thought we knew each other and she encouraged me to talk with her a while, even though she was working at a bar or restaurant. I didn't wake up until after 6.

Hot and dry most of yesterday. Must water today if it doesn't rain. But right this minute, the windows are open and I am thinking I need to find my slippers because my toes are a little cool. My Dad is doing fine in Santa Fe, according to an email from him. It is cooler there.

I was at the Land Trust before 10 yesterday and worked 4 hours or so. I brought leftovers from the night before for lunch. Nathan asked me to work on the mailing list and print labels for a post card to go out soon. Philip, a student from Germany, helped me. He is an excellent worker, especially with anything using the computer.

After work, I went to Kroger and got a few groceries. The grocery store was a hard place to be, reminding me of my Mom. I guess she is often in my head when I am shopping. Then I picked up Ray and we remembered we needed raisins to make oatmeal-raisin cookies. I wasn't sure we had some at home, so we decided to stop quickly at Earth Fare and get some. Yoforia is a relatively new yogurt place next to Earth Fare. We have been several times in the last week or so. Frozen yogurt is apparently better to eat than ice cream, if you are worried about diabetes and cholesterol. I am not sure it is okay to eat in unlimited amounts. It is also fairly expensive. This time we only spent about $5 and lots of it was the fruit toppings.

While I was in Earth Fare, I met a woman I haven't seen in a while, who talked to me at length. She was very nice...sorry to hear about my Mom, volunteering at the Homeless Shelter garden...her Mom had Parkinson's for 7 years before she died. She is finishing up a degree at UGA and will be able to go anywhere after that. Her youngest child is in his second year of college. Don't know about her husband/their father, but he is not in her life apparently. I was a little jealous, although she is stressing about the papers she has to write, etc., before this all happens.

After that, we went home and I made a frittata for potluck. It was Ray's turn to doze. In addition to 12 "yard eggs" from my chickens and nancy's, it used herbs from the garden, the last of the cherry tomatoes, and local cheese from Madison (via the Farmer's Market). It was a big hit, even though we were late for potluck and there wasn't much else to eat. I'm not sure how there could be a full table and only 4 or 5 dishes in the kitchen.

After choir rehearsal, a little TV and bed.

cool here this morning with the windows open. It is amazing what a difference it makes. It has still been hot in the afternoons, but it cools off at night and I have been sleeping well.

Yesterday, I took my Dad to the shuttle at 7:30 to catch his 11:00 flight from the Atlanta airport. Then I came home for a bit and went back with Ray to the Land Trust. I spent 5 hours there and the chair wasn't quite right. My back and shoulder were sore the rest of the day. And I felt like I was coming down with something. I read and dozed in the afternoon and Ray kindly made supper. Watched TV and went to bed.

All good. Took my Dad to the shuttle this morning. He will get a plane for Albuquerque at 11 am. Very pleasant and cool this morning, like yesterday morning. Low about 63.

It seems like a real British pub--in Five Points!

The bangers and mash were really good, with a yummy gravy!

I had the burger with cheese and bacon--tasty!

Navy Rum Pie

PS We went to Royal Peasant yesterday after swimming with my Dad at his apartment. We were getting a few things at Earth Fare and it was about 5, but we decided to eat an early supper first. It was Ray's first day back teaching and we decided he deserved it!

Fly Away Home by Marge Piercy

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I love Marge Piercy's feminist fiction, even though it is a little dated. Sometimes it's a little jumpy and inconsistent, like it needed one more round of re-writing. Sometimes it is hard to believe. But the underlying story, that women can be strong and indpendent and right, is enjoyable. It reminds me of the Women's Room.



View all my reviews

We had blueberry pancakes for breakfast and did a little more tidying, so that the house is close to back to normal now. I am slowly throwing away all the flowers that are unsightly. The white roses Molli's employer sent are all drooping their heads. I picked a few more things in the garden, but it is winding down. We walked out to get the newspaper, Cameron racing around us.

We picked up my father to take him to the service at UUFA. It was the annual water communion. He brought a little water in a pill bottle and said it was symbolic water from the Bras d'Or, where we had many happy times. Lots of people said nice things to me and to Dad. He especiallly enjoyed talking to John about his sailboat that needs a new tiller. We might pull the trailer with the white truck and bring it back from Fripp. We had lunch at Peking and took him back to his apartment. He is packing and preparing for a trip to Santa Fe.

Ray and I did some computer time and then went to the Melting Point. They were having a public hearing on the redistricting process. There is a bi-partisan committee working on it, but our Democrat-turned-Republican state legislator is proposing a different plan. And it is the state legislature that gets to decide. It was very frustrating and political. We only stayed 40 minutes. I had a drink and a salad, which were both okay but not great.

We had a private ballroom dance lesson at 6:30, with one of the instructors from Dancing with the Athens Stars. It was a lot of fun, but hard work. I would think we were getting it, smiling and enjoying the music, and then I would totally screw up. It's hard to imagine ever being able to really enjoy dancing without having to count in my head. In this case, we were working on the foxtrot.

It was kind of a relief to come home. I was tired. I made smoothies and watched some TV and went to bed. I finished my book and slept pretty well. When I woke from a strange dream, I realized my mother had been in it. Well, not really, but in the dream we had talked about her as if she were still alive, but there was some reason she couldn't go out in public. Like, it was kind of a social faux pas to be dead and still doing things.

Yesterday was cooler, I don't think it got above 90. My Dad called in the morning and came over to do some work in the garden. Ray has a new chainsaw and he took it over to a downed tree here in Kenney Ridge. The Captain went wtih him and helped. It is hard for him, because he can't do as much heavy lifting any more, but he could help some.

I went to UUFA for part of a training on facilitating small groups. I have offered to help with the high school students, if they can be inspired to come and we find a time that works. It was not unpleasant, but I only stayed about an hour. By the time I got back, my Dad had left. Ray showered and rushed off for the training for Religious Education volunteers. (He helps in the children's classes once a month).

I was alone for about 4 hours and the first two were fine. I worked some on supper and vacuumed the downstairs. When I began crying a lot, I turned to reading a novel until he got home. He helped me finish supper and then we headed downtown to the Athens Community Theater. We had to pick up the tickets. I left Ray off to manage the box office and went to get my Dad. The play was sold out and it was excellent, one of the best things we've seen there. An Ideal Husband, by Oscar Wilde. Nathan was very good as Lord Goring.

It was after 11 when we got home. I can't imagine why Ray thought it was a good idea to watch TV. I didn't see much of Wheel of Fortune before falling asleep and then had to wake up and head to bed an hour later.

Yesterday morning early, Ray and I drove to my Dad's apartment. We had breakfast with him. (He burned the bacon.) We made eggs and toast, that we ate with butter and jelly. That is pretty much the quintessential breakfast that I had growing up, and that my parents continued to eat several times a week. My Mom had recently started eating fewer eggs because of high cholesterol. But the eggs they were eating now were local natural home-raised eggs. They are tasty and supposedly better for you.

My Dad had located some firewood that was in a woman's yard. He stopped by a couple times until she was home and he could find out that yes, she would be happy to have us take it away. He and Ray made a first trip with the truck, while I drove the red car back to our house. I spent a little time waiting in their apartment and did not really enjoy it. It reminded me too much of her, but also it is not a lovely and charming place to live. It's fine, if my Dad is comfortable there. But it is not beautifully decorated and maintained. He has a system for doing the dishes and he knows where things are, but he is not tidy.

At home, it was still a little cool early in the day, but horribly dry. The tomatoes are dying, and even the chard is drooping. We watered a lot. Then, I spent most of the day on the computer. I was looking into a magazine that might be interested in publishing an article I am writing about being prepared for the sudden death of a parent. And I worked on another restaurant review. It was perhaps the first time (other than being a student) that I made myself work on writing when I didn't really want to. One reason for this is to see if I could do it. Could I spend 40 hours a week writing, even if I didn't feel like it? I think the answer is yes.

Leftovers for lunch. My Dad came back for a brief visit in the afternoon. He had been to the doctor, a little worried because of fatigue and shortness of breath, and was reassured.

We had a good healthy supper, followed by TV and sherbet. I started falling asleep before 8, but kept waking myself up, and finally read for a long while after I went to bed. 

I am doing a little better. There are moments when I forget my Mom just died. And mostly, when I think of her, I smile internally. She was such a gentle loving person, it makes me happy to think of her. But other times, I start crying at the drop of a hat. Advice if you are wanting to be helpful to someone grieving: don't ask, "how are you?" or anything similar. Do offer your sympathy and a remembrance of the person from your perspective.

Yesterday morning, Ray had to be dropped at the Botanical Gardens for his department retreat. Classes start Monday and he has a lot to do. Then I zipped over to the Fellowship, where he had left his phone Wednesday night. It's handy having a key. I got to ALT about 9:30. The few people that were they said hello and how sorry they were. I went to my desk and turned on my computer. There were about 20 or 30 emails, but most were trying to sell me something. I asked nathan and he gave me one new volunteer information form. I felt like I hadn't really been missed, that there was nothing I needed to catch up on. It was sad not to be needed.

When Heather got there, she brought me a lovely peace lily and a card signed by everyone. It was really nice and I started crying again. She said, "you can take as much time as you need. Is there anything we can do to help?" I said, no, I needed to be busy really and anything she could find for me to do would be good. We talked a little. She has been working with a moderately famous local guy on designing a new logo and doesn't really like anything he's done, but she took bids and his was the lowest. I also showed her the Vertical Response report from the one email we sent a few weeks ago. 30% opened it, about 80 people, which is not horrible, but a little depressing.

I left after a couple of hours to meet Janna for lunch at Marti's. She was there when I got there, on time! She bought me lunch and listened. It was good.

After that, I returned my Dad's call and met him briefly in a parking lot. He had been running some errands to get out of the house and needed to go back and make himself some lunch. I went to Ray's office and did a tiny bit of tidying until the pool opened at 2, when we headed over. The last day of the season. The water was lovely and it was not very crowded. The Captain joined us maybe an hour later and he enjoyed it too.

We went home about 4:30 and Ray started on his famous tuna-noodle salad. There were 6 messages on the answering machine, including 2 from the shrimp guy. Driving to Hull to pick up the shrimp we had ordered before my mother died was not what I wanted to do right then, but I called my Dad and he didn't either. So I did it and it was fine. We will eat them in her memory and enjoy them.

We went to the community center and had potluck supper with a few of our neighbors and enjoyed it very much. Sky had brought Boggle and we played a few rounds after supper.

It was hot and sunny and dry. We watered some.

I made a fish recipe with cod I had bought and need to use, to be baked tonight.

We enjoyed an episode of Doc Martin and I read a bit, going to sleep a little later than I should have, and waking up at 5 when Ray got up.

Ray's chocolate-covered cherry drink

Prosciutto appetizer for grampa

I got blue cheese salad dressing for Grandma

These lamb chops were excellent.

We got up pretty early yesterday. I called my Dad about 7:45 and he came here for breakfast. Then he and Ray went to work on cutting up a tree that had fallen down. Unfortunately, he insisted that his chainsaw only used gasoline and did not need oil, in spite of Ray's attempts to convince him. The chainsaw stopped working and may be ruined. At that point, he gave it to Ray, along with all his woodworking tools. He said there was no reason for him to own anything like that any more. They took it to Luke's. I took the Prius to Toyota for a recall and the shuttle brought me home. We all had lunch together. Grampa went back to his apartment in the afternoon. I worked on writing something about being prepared for death.

In the late afternoon, we took the chairs back to Sky and she gave us some thyme plants. We went to pick up the Prius and then went to Porterhouse to have dinner with Grampa. We had a really nice meal. We were the only ones there at first. He had been asking them to add lamb to the menu and they had some delicious baby lamb chops. Ray had steak with scallops. Grampa treated us. We ordered dessert, but it took a long time to get there, so Ray and I left. We had to get to choir rehearsal and we were still a little late. I was tired and it seemed long, but it was good to be with everybody.

A week ago, my Mom died. It is still very hard to believe. Right now, it is hard for me to do anything or make any decisions.

My sister Bonney and her family were the first to arrive a week ago and the last to leave yesterday morning. It was good to have them with us.

We got up early and had breakfast together before they headed out to drive back to Atlanta and return the car and get on the plane. My Dad did some work outside, watering and using the tractor to cut the grass, which made him feel pretty good. Ray and I walked some. I took the sheets off some of the beds. It is  hard to adjust to everyone being gone, but it is calmer. My children especially took good care of me, and I have to find the energy to take care of myself.

Late in the day, my Dad and I went to Kroger in two cars. We each bought some groceries and he went on to the apartment while I went back to my husband and my house. It was hard. I don't know how he did. Ray made supper for us and we watched TV. Several people called and talked to me: Bonney, Becky, Amelia. I was really tired and fell asleep early and slept well.

I woke up about 4:30, about the time my Mom died a week ago. I think I will be tired and sad for a long time, but I will have longer and longer stretches of normalcy.

I was pretty sad yesterday to have everyone leaving. When I went downstairs, the ants had really taken over the kitchen counter. There wasn't any orange juice. And when I tried to preheat the oven so I could make spoonbread and bake the cookies, it said Off. I was pretty overwhelmed. It was hard not to feel like everything was against me.

But I managed to bake the spoonbread in the toaster oven. Ray got up and started combating the ants. And Molli found orange juice concentrate in the freezer. Then Ray turned the breaker off and on and the oven started working again. It was a tiny bit cooler outside. Polly and Jim arrived with Nate and Lidet and I spent about an enjoyable hour playing with them before they left. Amelia headed for Durham by car. We took Molli and Adrian to the shuttle and they got home safely. Bonney and Chris went with the Captain to his apartment and packed up my mom's clothes and brought them back, after lunch at the Last Resort. Bonney brought me a piece of cake in memory of my Mom. I have to decide what to do with her clothes and what things we might any of us want to keep.

Ray and I went for a walk, took showers, and did a little picking up. We had time to relax some.

People continue to send emails and cards, and we continue to have some work to do. Nicky called and found out where we can donate her hearing aids. They are so expensive, it is a shame for them to go to waste. My Dad cancelled her plane ticket and talked to the banks and investment companies. For most things, we have to wait for the death certificate.

Eventually, we had some time to play Hearts with most of Bonney's family. And we went to Beef O'Brady's for dinner and trivia. We almost won--came in second by 1 point, due to overconfidence on the last question, where you are allowed to wager up to 20 points, which are deducted from your score if you are wrong.

It was fun, but I was tired and my back was sore. It is bad today too, but I know it will get better. It is a familiar kind of back pain, from stress and things like carrying boxes.

We mostly slept pretty well.

produce yesterday, including white eggplants

Yesterday, we had resolved to have nothing but fun and games, since we were all together and had gotten though the service. Like most mornings, I was up early and my Dad and Amelia were the first to join me. We didn't eat a lot because we were going to brunch. Polly and the kids came out for about an hour before we left. Ray headed to UUFA to do sound, but he found out when he got there that Shaye had arranged for a sub for him (Bill H.). He thought they were discussing a sound person for Saturday, but there was none...and that is why there is no recording of the memorial service. I am sad about that.

Finally finished the puzzle started at Christmas

We all went to Porterhouse Grill for brunch--my Dad's treat. It was very good and he talked to all his friends who work there. We had a big table in back and the little ones sat between me and Amelia. We enjoyed it.

Lidet rides the Dawg

Amelia and Molli

Nicholas Hughes

Then we all went swimming again at Becky's. It was lovely, refreshing and fun. I screwed up my courage and did the old flip. Not well, but I was proud of myself for being moderately successful. Kent joined us and we all enjoyed his company.

We played Hearts and Pounce and ate up all the leftovers, plus green beans from the freezer. Molli and Amelia and Adrian headed over to Gloria's to visit and dry the Hugheses' laundry. They got back about 11:30 and settled down.

Yesterday went very well. My cousin Charlie and his wife Marie spent most of the day with us, in addition to the 14 members of our family. We took care of some details, Molli making sure people got fed and making drinks later in the day. Some worked on the puzzle we started with Mom back at Christmas time. It needs to be finished and cleared so we can use that table, as well as the other one. Amelia put together a display board of photos.

It's hard to believe, but the service was really wonderful. Ray and Molli and Amelia and I sang We Rise Again. Molli broke down right at the end. My Dad read a poem, Bredon Hill, that was incredibly sad and moving. Amelia read Blackwater Woods beautifully. And many of us felt we wanted to say something: Dad, Bonney, me, Polly, Hank, Ray, Chris, Amelia, Charlie and others. There were probably 50 or more people, mainly from UUFA in support of me, but others, some from Kenney Ridge, a few from the community. Her water aerobics instructor and one other from the class, their landlord, their pharmacist and his wife, my friend Ann Darby... People enjoyed the service and were, I think, jealous of our family. It is hard to believe that there were things I didn't know about my mother, but I think of her (and us) a little differently now, perhaps feeling a little prouder and more positive about who she was and who we are--someone who loved life. My friends from UUFA and Kenney Ridge did a wonderful job putting out vast quantiites of delicious food and drink, especially Deb and John and Sky and Basil.

We came home and ate and drank some more. Then we played charades and had a great time, staying up too late.

There is much to say, but it seems to have little meaning.

It is wonderful to have my children and my sisters and their families here. It would have made my mother happy to have them all together. We have fun, at times. Adrian is learning English fast, and many of us are working on our Spanish. My Dad is very sad and breaks down in tears often, but he is enjoying the company and the attention. He tells lots of stories, some that we haven't heard before. He is beginning to talk about the future. He hates being alone, but perhaps he will learn how to live with it.

Many people have sent kind words and many more are helping us in various ways, offering room in their homes, giving us food, and planning the reception this afternoon.

My sisters, my Dad, and I met with Reverend Alison Eskildsen yesterday morning. We had to thrash around a little to get there at ten, but we did. I managed to walk over and check on Nancy's chickens, although I didn't have time to eat until we got to the church. (I can order people around as much as I like and they are happy to oblige, so they packed me some breakfast.) It was very hot and humid, in and out of the house, because the windows were open all night, due to the air conditioning being out. The meeting was very pleasant and helpful. Polly and Amelia worked on the service when we came home. Molli took over the kitchen and made sure there was lots of food.

The air conditioning man came and fixed it, but it wasn't really cool in the house until sometime during the night. Then there were the ants. Probably someone was eating on the front porch, because of the heat and crowds, and brought ants back in with them. Yesterday morning, they were all over the counter, in the bread box and everything else. We threw out a lot of bread. It seems overwhelming at times: the people, the heat, the ants...

In the afternoon, Dad and Bonney and Polly went to the apartment and stopped by the funeral home to get the ashes. For a while, Amelia and Ray and Molli and Adrian and I were home alone. We practiced the song we will sing this afternoon, "We Rise Again."

Amelia selected and printed the photos of my Mom for the order of service. A large arrangement of white roses arrived from Molli's employer in Mexico. Amelia and Molli went to Sky's and cut flowers to make additional arrangements. She also lent us some chairs.

We all had a drink and snack in Mom's memory and ate a nice big dinner--11 of us at one long table (including a card table extension). I went to bed about 10 and Polly's husband and children arrived soon after. I couldn't bring myself to get up and go down, but I will be glad to see them. One of Lidet's comments was, "It's not fair...I didn't get to spend as much time with her as Nate did." Very amusing, but also very smart and true.

My mother is dead. It is hard to believe and seems cold to write. But I have to write about it.

On Tuesday, Amelia and I did some shopping. We visited antique stores looking for cane-bottom chairs for a show she is working on. If we found the perfect ones at a very low price, it would be worth shipping them to New York. But mostly we just like looking at things for sale and honing our taste. We picked up Ray and came home. We ate a salad. She went with Kevin and we picked up my parents and drove to see a Gwinnett Braves game. We had a lovely time, if you don't mind eating junk food. The ice cream cones were refreshing, because it was 90 degrees, even at night. We took them home again at 10:30 or so. My Mom seemed fine, happy and healthy, in fact, better than the last time we had been there.

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 3:30. The power had been off for a while already and it was quiet and hot. I wandered around the house, opening the windows (it was a tiny bit cooler out, but humid). I could see stars; there as no thunderstorm. About 5, I lay down and was falling back asleep, when everything came on, noisily. The phone rang. It was my Dad. "Something terrible has happened. It's your mother." I woke Ray and Amelia and we drove to the apartment. The ambulance had been and gone. She was dead. He said she gave a gasp that woke him up. He called out to her and touched her, and he knew immediately she was dead. There was a policeman there and the coroner came. They wanted to know what funeral home we wanted to use. I had no idea. I have never looked into funeral homes. The only thing I could say is there are black ones and white ones in Athens. Amelia said Gloria had been researching them, so she called and woke her up. Bernstein, she said. So that's what we said.

We did a lot of waiting, a little gathering up of things to take to our house for my Dad. Ray washed some of the dishes. My Dad was in shock. All day, he said, "I can't believe it's real. I don't know what I'm going to do." I said, "you'll keep doing the things you've been doing." He said, "I can't even make my own breakfast." But he made coffee and we made some toast. Apparently, we could still eat. They came from the funeral home and took her away. I took her watch and rings first, and touched her hair and arm. The others didn't want to look at her body.

We went back to the house, with my Dad and a few things--toothbrush, clean underwear, pills. We started making phone calls--Molli, my sisters, my aunts...the Fellowship about a service. Many people expressed sympathy and offered help. My Dad went to the doctor and got some sleeping pills. Amelia drove him around and cleaned the house and cooked. We ate some delicious curry that she made.

Bonney and her family arrived, talked, and ate. I took them to Nancy's house and walked back. I admired the sky and clouds and the trees in the dark and was pleased with my chosen community. I slept pretty well, except woke a little early.

It was a little cooler yesterday, with a high of about 92. Sad to think that feels cool...

I spent a few hours at the Land Trust, using Vertical Response to send an email to 200+ people about our upcoming event on Saturday. I did talk to a few volunteers, too. I went to Earth Fare and got some groceries, especially milk so Amelia could have cereal and milk this morning when she got up. Ray and I headed home and did a little tidying. I actually dozed and read in the middle of the day for the third day in a row. It felt like vacation. I made Roman Rice and Beans for supper. Amelia arrived about 8:15. We ate supper and talked some and watched a little TV and went to bed by 10.

It was very hot again yesterday, with a little thunder and clouds late in the day, but no rain.

We walked over to Nancy's to check on her chickens and collect the eggs (4 of them).

Blueberry pancakes were tasty.

The big event of the day was the service at UUFA. Ray and I went before 10, just to make sure there was nothing that needed doing at the last minute. Mary Jean was the coordinator and she took care of everything, except that I led the congregation in singing Family Tree, instead of a children's story. And Ray and my parents and I talked instead of having a sermon, telling family stories. Appropriately titled, "We Laugh, We Cry...", as my Dad twice became emotional and had to pause, explaining to the listeners that "we cry at card tricks," which is a family saying. The service was well-received, with many positive comments afterward, and people wanting to tell their stories too. It was not very well attended, although at least one person came because she wanted to hear us. This July has been all lay-led services and quite sparsely attended. The minister will be back next month (today) after her study leave and attendance will pick up.

Ray and I had lunch at the Golden Dragon with a few others from the Fellowship. It was enjoyable and we tried not to eat too much.

After that, the rest of the day was kind of unfocused. It was too hot to be outside at all and we had nowhere we needed to go. I spent some time finishing a novel I had started reading the day before, some time on the computer, and I did make some bread that rose in the fridge overnight and is now baking. I was quite restless and wanted to be doing something productive, but couldn't quite decide on what. I filed the reciepts from this year that had been in a pile on the floor and went through some other old papers, but didn't really feel I had accomplished much.

We ate salade nicoise for a light supper and splurged on small servings of ice cream with bananas. We watched too much TV, including Astro Boy. 

The other big news was Amelia and Kevin's move from New York to North Carolina. I was thinking of them and she called a couple times to report on their slow but good progress throughout the day. By 9 last night, they were safely in Durham, with a truck full of possessions and a very unhappy cat.