Bummer! I took a little walk and a long bath, called Jean and got out of going to help her, and went back to bed with my iPad and a "snake" I had heated in the microwave. I was pretty good. I got up and ate something and walked over to the community center for a finance committee meeting. But I couldn't sit in the chairs there and I couldn't stand. My back started spasming again, so I came home and took some more pills. I slept most of the afternoon. Ray came home. I went downstairs and sat on the couch while he made supper--leftover chicken with beans and cheese in tacos. Yum. We watched some TV and went to bed before 10. I was surprised I didn't have trouble falling asleep, but I did wake up around 4 this morning, not surprisingly.

Weather was a little sun in the morning, then misty and rainy all night. But it's warm enough out that we didn't need to light a fire. Ray taught his last class of the semester. Now for the exams and the grades.

Well, I guess it was time to pay the piper.

Ray helped me thrash around, cleaning up and getting ready for my small group meeting and party here. We had a lovely time, each reading a holiday story (two about Hanukah). I read Nellie's Christmas Eve. I thought it would be funny. I thought I had gotten past the point where it would make me cry, maybe tear up a little. I bawled and could barely get through it. I should have picked something else. I guess, the fact that my Mom is "what some people call dead" made the story more emotional. We exchanged white elephant gifts. I love to pass something on to someone who will enjoy it. It would have been more fun if there had been more than five of us. Only four stayed for a holiday lunch. It was interesting. Deb brought a green salad. I made winter squash, someething we serve at Christmas. Heather brought frozen pigs in blankets, which were tasty (from Steaks of Omaha), and Victoria some pita chips and purchased hummus. So there was some variety. I also had made apple muffins for the group to eat. Heather brought her coffee maker and coffee. After lunch, three of us went to visit the piggies. It was a good walk and we stopped at the Community Center briefly. The facilities committee was meeting, so I officially requested to rent the building for a wedding reception March 31. They will get me a usage form as soon as they make one up.

After Deb and Victoria left, I tidied a little and then sat down for a while. My Dad arrived soon after and I rested on the couch and knit some. I began to realize my back was hurting and later it developed into its full-bore throbbing spasms. The last few times, I have been able to bypass the worst of it, with heat, I guess. I wanted to be cooking and doing other things I had been too busy for, but all I could do was sit, lie, walk and cry. My Dad left and Ray came home. I asked him to make dinner that I had planned. I didn't want to take my strong medicine because I was supposed to do my second sleep study. I still thought I could get it to go away on my own. At 7, I called the doctor's office and got the on-call service. They told me I had to wait until 8 when someone would be in the office--or I could leave a message someone would get in the morning. Not  helpful. I took the muscle relaxant, thinking that would be less likely to mess with the study. I wasn't sure it helped at all. I ate a little. At 8, I called and got the same recording. I called twice more and never got to speak to anyone. So I packed up my things and Ray drove me there. The same technician, April, let me in. I told her about my back and asked if I could take the hydrocodone. She called and let a message for the doctor, but he didn't call her back either. She decided I should go ahead and take it, since it didn't seem like I would be sleeping without it. It took a long time to take effect and I could still feel the back pain come and go, but I got sleepy. So she hooked up my wires again and put a mask over my nose. It blows warm air into my breathing passages to keep them open. You have to breathe through your nose, which was not hard. I slept well--of course, it could have been the drugs. Ray came back and got me at 5:30 this morning and we both went back to bed.

I am up now, stiff and sore, but no spasms.

I'm pretty tired. Just one more busy morning to get through.

Yesterday was the Project Safe fund-raiser, where I spent 8 hours at the Classic Center, some of it boring, some of it pretty stressful. It was the first time they had done this, a step-dancing competition, with eight teams. Some of them were amazingly good. I do not imagine I could do it, too much fast coordination required. A lot of the routines do not require music. But some groups use many different pieces, starting at different times. The Orange Twin group had seven recordings, but they had a person to call the starting times over the headset. I only messed up twice. Both times involved starting music too early, when they were standing in a pose that I thought was the cue. Since there was only one rehearsal, and one team missed it, it is not surprising. But the mood is a lot more relaxed and I don't think it was a big deal for them. The judges were not as good as other shows they have had, not as funny or relevant and a little more critical. The sheriff would comment on how much he liked the "uniforms" and then say it was great. Project Safe, including Joan, had a really good routine. They took the second place judges award. It occurred to me that I would have tried to do it if I had been working there...and dragged them down or dropped out. I have heard that the woman they hired instead of me is leaving. I wonder if they will just ask me if I want the job. Probably not, probably they will interview again. It was over a year ago.

That was not all I did yesterday. We walked, had pancakes, did some picking up for the small group coming today. We went to the Fellowship and sang with the choir. A Presbyterian guest minister preached, complete with praying and Bible readings, and I was reminded of how much better I like the way we do it. He retold the story of the prodigal son, which I never understand. I am the older child, always doing what is right and good, and never getting anywhere because of it. So I don't understand the moral--fritter away your life and your father will welcome you with a big feast...They tell me it is about compassion, which is more important than being right. But my life is all about helping others. So this upset me. I felt like he was telling us all, "don't be self-righteous."

Then we went to the benevolence market and sang there too. I wasn't interested in looking at any of the tables, staffed by representatives of non-profit organizations, many of whom I knew. And I didn't have any money to give them, although Ray "bought" several gifts. The lunch was good. Janna and Ron were there too and we talked a little. She is so excited about the wedding (and the rehearsal dinner, which she is giving for us at her house).

Ray went home and I walked to the Classic Center. He went to the contentious community meeting and fed the pigs. He brought me some apples and peanut butter. I also had some food in the green room, chicken salad and crackers and a few baby carrots with dip. And potato chips and a cookie. He came back to watch the show.

My favorite part was that Dawn and her three children, Zack, Aaron, and Lily, sat behind the sound board. I offered them a chance to listen to the headset and they thought that was pretty cool (not the oldest one, but the other two). It's pretty fun to have children think you are important. I saw some other people that thanked me as well. My name was not in the program, however. This is what I do. I have done it for the Dancing with the Stars shows three or four times. I have the music cues and know when each track should start. I watch the final rehearsal and maybe one other time. I say, "standby track one" and "go track one" and the guy next to me, Peter, who is a union worker at the Classic Center, starts the music. One fun thing is making comments over the headsets to the other techies when we are waiting for the show to start.

It was after 10 when we got home, but I wanted to watch at least one TV show and eat some ice cream before I went to bed, so we saw Wheel of Fortune. Then I slept pretty well until 6.

Sometimes, I don't have enough to do, and I am lonely and bored. Sometimes, there is too much going on, and I feel stressed and exhausted. Life could be viewed as an attempt to balance those extremes. If you try to be healthy, by preparing your own food and getting enough sleep and exercise, and try to be mindful, buying locally and living an intentional life, and you try to make sure others, like your husband, are doing what they want as well, it can be very difficult to maintain that balance. I have perhaps crossed over into "too busy" this weekend, which is likely to happen this time of year. Generally, I prefer it to "too quiet" and it seems to be easier to recover from.

Yesterday was beautifully sunny and clear, with an incredible sky and frost on the ground again. The temperature was about 29 for the third morning in a row. We took a short walk in the rustling leaves. Ray enjoys spotting deer and sending Cameron to chase them. We do sometimes hear gunshots not far away, which makes me nervous.

We went to pilates and the farmers' market, talking to our young friends Lisa and Geoff. I bought another cauliflower and some tomatoes, at $3/pound. When we got home, there was time to gobble some lunch and change our clothes. Then we took the cookies I had been working on for several days (oatmeal-raisin, iced lemon, and oatmeal chocolate-nut bars) and went to the Fellowship. Nifty-gifty was proceeding under a new guise: Holiday Hoopla. In addition to childrens' crafts, several people were selling hand-made items, mostly knitted, although they didn't have a lot of business. I had three things for sale and they did not go. Gaybrielle and Clarissa have amazing knitted hats and mine just look lumpy beside them. And they are priced lower than mine. I can't imagine making any money that way. I sat and talked and knitted until it was time to sing carols.

Calvin helps his Mom

We ran through everything at 3 and then piled in cars and drove to several homes to sing for them. Jean has cancer, Catherine has MS. Her Mom was there with hot cranberry cider and cookies, which I skipped since they were not homemade. We went to Tess's and then we split into two groups, since we were running out of time. Half of us went to Schombergs; we were in the half that went to MacNairs. We had ridden with Barbara K. in her van, so had to go back to the Fellowship to get our car, even though we were close to home. We picked up our empty cookie containers and I am still annoyed that every single cookie was eaten. They were only half gone when we left for singing. I suspect some people took more than their share or even took some home. I have trouble with being truly generous, I guess, especially with the cost of butter, etc.

We were home about 6:30. It was completely dark by then, of course, and we had not fed the pigs. I finished the meal I had started the day before, sauteing onions and peppers, chopping an old zucchini i had to get rid of and adding it, grating some cheese. Ray heated up the tortillas, and voila, dinner! Feed the dog, jump back in the car, and drive to Town and Gown for Jesus Christ Superstar. I had suspected, but couldn't believe, that I would fall asleep. We sat in the front row and I nodded off a couple times. It was very good. It is wierd to see a show that is all music. And that I know every word of. It was like they were lip-syncing--who were these people singing this music? Anyway, very enjoyable. We were home about 10:30 and asleep soon after!

There's a hint of light in the sky. I'm guessing it is cold out there again, but it is nice in here, thanks to Ray's practice of building up the fire and turning it down overnight. I love my house!

Yesterday, I made the lemon cookies and frosted them, made some oatmeal-chocolate-nut squares, and started chopping veggies for tonight's supper. I spent time on the computer and my Dad came by in the afternoon. Ray got home about 4, bringing me the cream cheese I needed to frost the carrot cake I had made the day before. It was not a beautiful cake, but it was tasty.

We watched an episode of Wheel together. About 5:30, we put up the chickens and rode with the Captain over to the pigs and fed them and gave them clean water. He went on to rehearsal and we walked back. We changed our clothes and headed to the CCDC party, with the carrot cake.

I had a great time talking with the mayor about the proposed downtown Walmart and other development/jobs issues. She says she talked to someone who's worked there for 18 years and they make $8.75! I pointed out that you can't live on that. She said if you have two people, you can. I said, "what about single mothers with two or three kids?" she said they chose that life...I said they were abandoned. She said it isn't the private sector's responsibility to take care of them. She said if the developer complies with all the laws, there is nothing to stop them from having a Walmart there. She pointed out that most of the people opposed to the Walmart shop there. I also talked to John Jeffries about bringing jobs to Athens and Nancy Thompson about working at the university. She will let me know if she hears of anything. Also Russell and Airee about Paris and other things. I was helping clean up and offering to take home leftovers to the pigs (if no one else wanted them). One guy kept taking everything; I figure he needed it more than we did. We have some cut-up French bread and some crackers.

Watched a little TV and went to bed. Not sure why I woke up at 5. I had two glasses of wine, but suspect I ate too many carbs. Banana pudding was one of the desserts and these little muffins with lemon sauce--fried like donuts I think, that Bill and Peggy made. A little slim on the fruits and veggies, compared to other groups I eat with.

I tried to capture the frosty cold morning yesterday (but sunny). Today is the same, maybe a little colder, but I haven't been out yet. The sky is starting to get light behind the dark tree tops out my window.

chives with frost

I spent the morning here, mostly on my computer, while Ray went to work. He called to say he had forgotten the cookies, though. I had made them the day before this time and didn't make sure to put them with his backpack. So I had to make a trip into town after all. I went to Bel-Jean to pick up the beautiful Save-the-Date cards. I stopped at Five Star Day to pick up pig food, but nothing. I went to Kroger and spent about an hour buying groceries.

At home, my Dad was there. I worked on some cookies for tomorrow: lemon icebox cookies. They are chilling now and I will bake them soon. I also made a carrot cake for tonight's CCDC party at the mayor's house.

Even the chard doesn't like that much frost

frosty yard

bok choy and spinach are fine

and broccoli

holly in the woods

Around 4:30, I got the chickens into their coop and went to feed the pigs. Then I drove to Agua Linda to have dinner with the director of Georgia Interfaith Power and Light (GIPL, rhymes with ripple). I did not know her, so got another table and waited for the rest of our group. When Alison arrived, she and I were talking and Alexis heard her name. Silly me1 I don't know what I expected, but she did not "look" like I thought she would.  I am sorry to have missed that time with her. She is really impressive, my kind of person. She talks fast and succintly, unlike almost everyone in the world. Karen P. joined us and Dan E., a little late. We ordered our food, which was good and reasonable. A mariachi band started warming up and began to play. They were wonderful and fun, playing Happy Birthday and Brown-Eyed Girl, as well as more traditional Mexican music, and Feliz Navidad. They did, however, prevent us from being able to talk much, so we went ahead over to the Fellowship about 6:30. Dan and Karen made some coffee and we dug out some cake left over from potluck. I had intended to bring cookies from home, but forgot, with everything else I had to do.  Only a few more people came; I guess I didn't make it sound interesting enough. She told briefly what they do: extensive energy audit, followed by recommendations, and help with implementing them. Grants, interventions with the power company. Annoyingly, the rate is supposed to be average, but when they calculate it, it appears to be based on the hottest day when the building is in greatest use. In all their audits (435?), they have only found one being charged correctly. That just makes me so mad! I gave her the contract, the check, and the data Shaye had printed out. Hopefully it will be enough, although Alexis wanted the actual bills, which Shaye was not sure she could put her hands on. 

mossy rock

Back home, Ray arrived soon after I did. I was watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, which we had recorded. It was the NBC version and it is so much better than the other! I saw 3 Broadway shows in the time that I watched, including Daniel Radcliffe...yes, I am saving it for you, girls, even though Ray wanted to delete it. He brought cake from Last Resort--oh, it was so good, we devoured it and wished for more, even though it was a big piece. Then bed, sleeping well until he got up at 5 and built up the fire. In a way, I will be sorry to have his classes over, because he will probably sleep in and not get up and warm the house up for me!

I must have slept really well, because I can barely remember yesterday. Some mornings are like that. The sky is bright; the sun is rising on a clear and cold day. The ground is white with frost. It is warm in here, though. Ray has just built up the fire and it is very pleasant.

I stayed here yesterday and made more cookies and a rice dish (with peppers) for potluck and sent the Save-the-Dates for Molli's wedding. My Dad came about 2 and made turkey soup with the stock he had made earlier. He said he was feeling good physically but having a sad day. I wanted to be sympathetic, but I also did not want to be too sad myself, so I changed the subject. He talks a lot about the play these days and the people there. The performances will be in a little over a week. It's been a good experience and I think he will enjoy the shows, but will be a little down when they are over.

Ray came home and Captain left. We headed out about 5, putting up the chickens. They coexist peacefully, but the gray ones will chase the black ones, especially when we are trying to get them in the coop. So it is complicated. We get the gray ones in the coop, shoo them into the run (and lure them with cracked corn) and shut the door between the run and the main coop. Then we painstakingly coax the black ones in with corn (and/or shoo them with the broom and both of us). Then we open the door between the two parts again. There must be an easier way! We try to do this every day before we go feed the pigs, which we try to do before dark. It is downright dangerous walking in the "barnyard" after dark. The footing is bad these days, after the rain. There is mud to slip on, animals in your way, and uneven ground with sticks and stones. We are sometimes carrying bags or buckets of food while we do it. They are happy to see us, though, grunting and coming close to the fence. Last night, we had some food from Porterhouse the Captain had gotten: baby lettuce and asparagus that I'm sure wasn't good enough to serve. But it was hard to give it to the pigs instead of us!

Then we went to potluck and choir rehearsal. We are getting ready for a busy season of performances and missed a rehearsal last week because of Thanksgiving, so it is a little more intense than usual. I still manage to doze off a little at one point and Aleta nudges me when it's time to stand up. It is a little warm in the sanctuary; I find the thermostat and turn it down from 70 to 68. Everyone in there is wearing warm sweaters and plaid flannel shirts. Even Ray has a long-sleeved dress shirt. I am in a t-shirt. Hmm.

At home, I fall asleep watching game shows, but Ray wants to see part of the Battle for Los Angeles, about marines fighting off aliens. Much shooting of various weapons. Close shots of muddy, bloody faces. The ending is hopeful. Somehow it is almost 11 and I stumble to bed. Now I am a little keyed up and have to read some of my book (The Mysterious Benedict Society), which is also not quite boring enough, but eventually I drop off again.