Whew! I was so exhausted yesterday I was barely human. Oddly enough, I was able to do my job, but was really cross. I wonder how many times I have been in a bad mood and it was really just fatigue?

I walked the dogs; they seemed quite happy to see me, but Cameron has not improved his ability to walk calmly without pulling on the leash. The Captain was already up, studying the garden, and Zoe was reluctant to come with me, sensing that she might be fed if she stayed with him, I guess. Ray got up just before and walked with me to the road and back. We were somewhat mystified about the mail. It appeared that only one day's worth had been brought in; no newspapers. This morning there was a paper and I brought it back with me. There wasn't much to eat, although there was orange juice (horrible cheap variety). All the dishes had been put in the cupboard any which way, which was surprisingly annoying. I wondered if they had left them dirty and washed them all at the end, then stacked them in wherever they fit. There was skim milk and granola and a very old English muffin, so I had enough to eat, but there didn't look like anything for me to take for lunch.

I headed off for work and got there just at 8. The traffic was bad, and driving seemed challenging, perhaps in part because I had not driven for a couple weeks, but possibly because my brain was not working as well as it should have. I had not taken time to find my other purse, with the work keys I had deliberately not taken on the trip. So I had to have someone let me in the building and then wait for Kerri or Meredith to let me into my office. Shawn was there and she told me Meredith's grandmother in Venezuela had died, so she had been gone since Tuesday. I texted her to say I was sorry and was she going to be in today. Yes, she said, at 9 o'clock. Kerri arrived as I was texting her to ask about her schedule. I had forgotten that she had a meeting with all the residents every Monday morning. She has a key to my office.

The new computer and online mail seemed daunting to me. The computer was on and it was clear someone else had been using it. The old computer defaulted to a screen requiring a password every 5 minutes, which was annoying. I had not set up the new one that way. Since my office was supposedly kept locked when I was not there, I didn't think it necessary. There was a lot of mail piled up and I made a start on it. Meredith arrived and I expressed my condolences, perhaps too briefly. She did not seem responsive to my questions and comments and I don't know if she was just grieving and exhausted from her trip, or was for some reason unhappy with me. We eventually got payroll done and I paid the bills that had accumulated. I was hungry very early. I am intrigued by the relationship between hunger and fatigue. None of the restaurant options appealed to me; I didn't have a book or magazine to look at and didn't want to eat by myself. I went to lunch at 11 and drove home. Ray and my Mom had been to the grocery store. He and I ate some leftovers our house sitters had in the fridge, a mix of rice, beans and squash (from the garden?) and some leftover green beans as well (from the garden?). Ray had bought a baguette at Kroger and I had a little of that too. I felt much better afterward and headed back to work. Met with Meredith for our weekly meeting to talk about what we were both doing for the week. She will be gone a couple days at a meeting. I tried to find out about McKenzy's schedule. She is the new volunteer coordinator, formerly an intern, who started last week while I was gone. I have some ideas about her duties, etc., that Meredith does not agree with, so I make suggestions and she says no. It is okay, I can let it go. Meredith seems a little overwhelmed. Her husband left town to visit his family in Texas the same day she was coming back from the funeral. After we talked a little about her personal issues, she seemed a little better.

At 3, I left and made deposits at the bank before heading home. I was tired but not sleepy and didn't want to nap. I downloaded some photos from my camera (after deleting some old things) and posted them on FB. (A few of them are here; somehow I have regained the ability to add photos to the blog--yay!)

Ray did a load of wash and Vanessa did one too. He hung them both out and made supper. There were lots of peas and beans in the garden. Vanessa shelled and froze the peas and she and the Captain cut up, blanched and froze three batches of beans, while we ate some for supper. Our neighbor, Sky, called to say she had our mail and Vanessa and I dragged ourselves to their house, with the unruly Cameron on a leash. I brought a bag for the mail, but there was also a heavy plastic bag full of newspapers that I put over my back like Santa Claus. Vanessa had to rest a bit before we headed back. We were certainly glad to have our mail. Ray and I managed to stay awake until 8:30 before heading up to bed. I slept until almost 3, which is an improvement. Then I read some and dozed a little more until 5:45. I feel much more human now!

Wow! so much to tell, don't know where to start. Yesterday went quite well, all things considered. Although we were up for more than 20 hours straight, we were in bed by 10 pm local time. Unfortunately, I (of course) woke up about 1 and slept badly off and on the rest of the night. Lots of things on my mind, but my dreams were in French and English and I was exhausted even in my dreams. It will settle down in a few days.

We had our last breakfast of chocolate and French bread before leaving the great little hotel in Toulouse and catching the "Navette" to the airport. This meant schlepping our 8 bags to the bus stop, only a couple blocks. The bus nearly went by as we waved it down. And when I got on, he told me that wasn't the right stop...we had bought our tickets the day before. Ray piled up all the suitcases and we sat and watched our last views of Toulouse, with other people also going to the airport. We exclaimed at the amazing fruit and vegetable market we went by and saw the Airbus factory. At the airport, we found someone to help us get our boarding passes and checked our heavy luggage. There was no sign of anyone with a wheelchair and we made our way to the gate without incident. Since we were two hours early and there were no crowds, it was not hard. Bought some overpriced items in an attempt to use up Euros, but kept some for Paris.

At Paris, we did not see any sign of a wheelchair, or anyone to ask for a ways. We made our way toward Terminal E from Terminal F, following the signs. We had 90 minutes, so were not worried. After about 10 minutes of walking, my mother felt she must have a wheelchair. I waited in line at the Air France counter where I was directed. My father pushed to the front and tried to be more aggressive. Although that system does not work very well in France, the young man said he would order one, but that we should have stayed at the gate. We waited a long time, constantly arguing over whether we should go or stay. The staff said that we would save so much time with the chair that it was worth waiting. My father wanted to walk; he was afraid we would miss the flight; my mother said she could do it. We had to go back through security. Ray's pate (in cans) was confiscated...my mother and I beeped and had to take off our shoes and be wanded. We had to stand in lines, but when we got to the gate, my parents went right to the head of the line and got on board. Meanwhile, Ray and I were almost the last. They were announcing "last call" over and over. And he was selected for additional screening...of course...

I watched 3 movies in a row, a first for me, and did not feel sleepy all day. They offered water many times and I took it every time, no coffee or sodas, but I still think I am probably dehydrated. I knit most of a sleeve and read a little and played some Shanghai. Every seat has a little screen with choice of games, movies, etc. Ray played a lot of games and watched a couple movies. My parents dozed some and watched the plane's progress.

Atlanta international arrivals have a crazy system. We got through it in about 2 hours, as well as can be expected. First you go to immigration (where we got to go first because Mom was in a wheelchair. In Atlanta, they allowed my Dad to push it, while Ray carried most of my carryon luggage for me. Then we went to the first baggage claim. You have to pick up all your suitcases to go through customs. They had free carts and we got two. Finally, we had all the bags and filed through customs, then checked the bags again. Then went through security again. Then to the main terminal and baggage claim. Then all 8 bags and 4 people, including wheelchair, out to the shuttle bus to the car. It was hot in Atlanta, but the shuttle bus driver passed out cold water to drink--brilliant! We retrieved the car and Ray drove us home, dozing.

The house seems big and empty and clean. The people who stayed here clearly took good care of things. It's weird, though, to find all your stuff moved around. They left us with not much toilet paper. There appear to be squash and broccoli that they harvested! I'm looking forward to seeing the garden later today. It is just getting light and I will take the dogs for a walk soon. The house smells--maybe they left windows open during a rain storm?

Hello from France!

I think the air here is different; I wonder if there is a scientific basis for it. Outside our hotel room, there is a tiny courtyard with a little view of blue sky a few stories up. A bird just flew over. It is only a few steps across to the place where we ate breakfast. You tell the man what you want (he speaks more than enough English for that), as far as coffee, tea or chocolate and he brings a little pot to your table. Then you can choose pastries from the buffet--small pains au chocolat or raisins (even better than chocolate), plain croissants and rolls like individual baguettes. There is also cheese and two kinds of cold meat (charcuterie), as well as yogurt--French yogurt is delicious, a little more liquid than the typical American kind. There are many kinds of jelly and honey, but somehow the butter and bread is what I fall back on, the pastries finally being just too much, after eating them for a week, although still wonderful.

We are so happy to find this hotel; it has family rooms--ours has enough beds for six. I called yesterday on my French phone (thanks Anna!) and inquired--only 85 euros per night for two nights. When we got here, he directed us up three flights to a lovely two-story suite, a double bed upstairs with a bathroom, and one single bed and one bunk bed (room for 5) on the main floor. There was a little balcony and the bathroom had a tub. We left Vanessa in the lobby and took half the suitcases up. When we came down, the gentleman offered to show me another room on the main floor, which I happily did. He was concerned about madame...and rightly so. She could have made it upstairs--and down again when we left, but she might have stayed there the whole time rather than go up and down four flights of stairs. The new room, I figured out, was for people with disabilities. It has a shower that is sort of built into the bathroom and is all on one level. A little less privacy, sadly, but we sacrificed for the convenience of not having to go up and down the stairs--and having two double beds...Everything we do has to be explained and discussed with 3 other people, some of whom don't hear very well. My Dad was up in the first room, so we went back up and got the suitcases from there and told him the situation and said goodbye to our balcony...

It was only later we realized what a great location it has. The Captain was very tired and wanted nothing more than to write a column and catch up on his correspondence, now that we had internet access again. The three of us decided we needed to hurry if we wanted to get lunch, because we had learned that the restaurants will not serve after 2. The excellent man at the desk made several recommendations--there is a Hippopatamus (a French chain) not far away, a restaurant around the corner (L'Ane Qui Tousse), and a pizzeria the other direction. Man, have we seen pizza in the south of France! It is of course, quite different from American pizza (better, to my way of thinking). So we went to the restaurant down the street and sat at a table on the sidewalk.

Lovely cool night, managed to get a pretty good sleep even though I am really excited and stressed. Woke up twice, but went back to sleep.

Made cookies and bread for church--mother's day service involves communion with homemade bread...Clela's poetry about her mother and a reception for her afterward...thus the cookies.

Washed 3 loads of laundry (?), tried on shorts. Weather is going to be cold and rainy--high 61, mostly in the 50s during the day...so don't need the shorts after all. 3 pair of jeans, 6 pair of shoes??

Lots of garden produce: peas, broccoli, asparagus and 2 baby yellow squash.

It turned lovely and cool late yesterday and was really good for sleeping--under the quilt! We left our window open a crack, but it was too cool to leave them all open. Unfortunately, it was after 11 when I went to bed, I have a lot to do (I'm very excited) and I have a headache.

Ray and I took a long walk yesterday with the dogs, down by the river. We went to Pilates and there were only 3 of us. It was a great class; we got to use big balls... We stopped by FTX and bought Nathalie a baseball cap and were looking around at all the UGA-themed products to see if there was anything for my Mom for Mothers' Day. There were some books and I bought her The Blind Side. I must admit I am hoping she wants to take it on the trip and she will let me read it...and maybe leave it for Nathalie. Then we went to Earth Fare, so Ray could pick up the grocery store gift cards he had ordered for the Fellowship. I bought a few groceries, but mostly we didn't need much, because we're leaving tomorrow! I worked on my packing, but the suitcase is being fixed, so I can only strew things around. The Captain reported that it will be rainy and cool in Toulouse for the next week, so we will have to bring more heavy clothes than we thought. Other than that, it sounded kind of appealing when the temperature was over 90 on Friday. Now that it's cooler, less so...Washed clothes, decided about toiletries...don't know what I did all afternoon.

Jaron and Amanda came again to see the garden. I picked a few more strawberries; they will be gone when we come back. We took them down to Fire Ant Field, where there was a gathering in honor of Dan's semi-retirement. It was fun to introduce them. I came back and left the 3 of them there. I took a long bath and when I got out, they were downstairs looking at the maps. Ray was telling them the names of each of our neighbors. Then I mixed up the bread and cookies and put them in the fridge, watched a little TV, tucked in the loose ends on the hoodie and went to bed. It was after 11 though and I still woke up at 5:45, so am a little behind on sleep for now. 

From NPR:

Stressful Decision? Washing Hands Could Help Soothe

by Nell Greenfieldboyce

May 7, 2010

Listen to the Story

Morning Edition

[3 min 57 sec]

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iStockphoto.com In the study, people who washed their hands after making a tough choice seemed less worried about it.

May 7, 2010

Soaping up your hands may do more than just get rid of germs. It may scrub away the inner turmoil you feel right after being forced to make a choice between two appealing options.
That's according to a new study on the psychological effects of hand washing in the journal Science. The study builds on past research into a phenomenon known as "the Macbeth effect."
It turns out that Shakespeare was really onto something when he imagined Lady Macbeth trying to clean her conscience by rubbing invisible bloodstains from her hands. A few years ago, scientists asked people to describe a past unethical act. If people were then given a chance to clean their hands, they later expressed less guilt and shame than people who hadn't cleansed.
This finding fascinated Spike W. S. Lee, a psychology researcher at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. He wondered if hand washing could restore more than just a sense of moral purity. After all, "cleanliness is next to godliness," but people also often talk about "starting over with a clean slate."
"Maybe there is a broader phenomenon here," says Lee. "Anything from the past, any kind of negative emotional experiences, might be washed away."
Washing Away The Stress Of Decisions
He and a colleague named Norbert Schwarz decided to test hand washing's effect on one kind of bad feeling: the lingering tension we feel after being forced to choose between two attractive options, because picking one option makes us feel that we've lost the other.
Psychologists know that people usually try to soothe this inner conflict by later exaggerating the positive aspects of their choice. "In other words, after they make the choice, they will like the chosen option more than before the choice," Lee explains.
To see if hand washing could ease people's tension and do away with the need for this after-the-fact justification, the researchers gave some students some mock "consumer surveys."
They had students rank 10 different music CDs. Then, as a token of appreciation, the researchers offered students one CD as a take-home gift — they had to choose between their fifth- and sixth-ranked CDs.
Some students then lathered up with liquid soap, supposedly to evaluate this product. Others only looked at the soap or sniffed it.
Later, the students again had to rank all the music. People who didn't wash their hands had the normal response — they scored their take-home CD higher than they had the first time around, suggesting that they now saw it as even more attractive than before.
But this wasn't true for the hand washers. They ranked the music about the same.
"They feel no need at all to justify the choice," says Lee.
Does Washing Help In Long Run?
The researchers did another version of this experiment and found the exact same effect after people selected a jar of fruit jam and then rubbed their hands with an antiseptic wipe. "Apparently, you do not need water and soap," says Schwarz — any kind of hand cleaning will do the trick.
But the implications of all this just aren't clear. Schwarz says it's too soon to know whether people should head for a sink after making a tough choice.
He says washing may help decision-makers by scrubbing away mental turmoil. But perhaps if they don't go through the usual post-decision process of justifying their choice, they might feel more remorse in the long run.
"We may not do you a favor when you wash your hands and you're not doing that cognitive work to make your decisions appear in the best possible light," Schwarz explains, adding that this is something they want to investigate in future studies.

Slept about 7 hours, pretty soundly, so that's good. I'm excited about my trip and have lots to do. Worked hard at work, should have stayed later, but I couldn't focus after 3:30. Had lunch with Ray, bought groceries for the Shelter. Traffic was a nightmare--UGA Commencement is today and there are people everywhere. We went to the gym, which was not very crowded. Instead of racquetball, we walked, to get ready for France. I did a mile on the bike, too. The only thing wrong with that is it was almost 6 when we got home and I was hungry. I really like having time to make supper without feeling rushed and stressed. It was easy, though, and Vanessa helped a lot. The pasta was kind of weird and Ray complained. He's usually pretty agreeable, but it wasn't the best use for home-grown asparagus. Butter, green onion, lemon, milk and eggs, pasta and asparagus, dill, nutmeg, salt.

My map and guidebook from Borders came--yay! Captain was exhausted  from working in the heat. They moved the chickens to a different place, but we moved them back at night. Cameron would sure like to get at them. Zoe appears to be a lot more indifferent.

TV, knitting, bed. Finished the cat hoodie, just need to tidy up the loose ends.